I posted a while ago about my controlling and abusive ex husband still trying to control and manipulate via the kids. I had some really helpful replies which helped me re assess how I feel and respond to the situation, so thank you for that.
However, a new issue has arisen and a different perspective would be hugely appreciated.
For the last year I've been saving for laser eye surgery and I saved enough to get it done last week. My ex asks the kids lots of questions when he sees them about what I spend money on and what I do, the kids don't like it. I said to the kids not to mention about the eye surgery as ex will ask them questions about how I afforded it. Kids said that daddy gets jealous of stuff I do. I have zero contact with him as he is very manipulative and either makes me feel bad or guilty or he annihilates me personally.
The kids have asked me to wear fake glasses when he collects or drops them off and one day a week he sees one of them for one to one time after school, so I can't hide behind the front door like I usually do, I'm in the middle of the playground. They want me to wear fake glasses so he doesn't suspect I have had surgery as they don't want all the questioning.
I shouldn't have to do this but I want to protect them so I have ordered fake glasses.
Secondly, out of desperation to attend a hospital appointment I have had to ask him to collect kids after school one day next week. I only asked as no one else is able to help on this occasion, he asks the kids lots of questions if he finds out that my friend has collected the kids for me. I only ask for help for GP appointments, interviews etc... Not having a jolly in the pub.
So, I asked for help collecting the kids, but I know he will interrogate the kids as to why so when he text asking why, I told him that I have a hospital appointment ( two of them ) but he started questioning me about what was wrong, how can that still be hurting two years after the first operation and then he questioned why I needed two appointments. I felt interrogated.
I'd hoped that if he knew a basic outline of why I needed help he wouldn't question the kids but I felt like I had done something wrong and I was a liar. I had an op two years ago and now I have pain and I need it to be checked, it's that simple. I'm not doing anything wrong but I feel like I've been sneaky and I feel guilty. My only option was to cancel the appointments but I need my health checking.
He was very controlling in the marriage, he thought I was cheating all the time ( I never ever cheated, ever or even looked to cheat) and I wasn't allowed to do things like go to the shops or spend too long walking the kids home after school. I hate this awful man is still controlling me, or trying to. I'm starting a college course in a few weeks and the kids will get interrogated about that too, I've asked them not to tell him about it but I don't like asking them to keep secrets. I could not tell them of my goals, aims and achievements but I want them to learn to set goals and achieve things of their own, to save money for the things they really want and to be proud when they reach their goals, I want to set a good example to them.
Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with this? Thank you for reading.
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Relationships
Ex interrogating kids and me
Rumblingtummy · 06/11/2016 14:44
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