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Grumpy moany husband

(19 Posts)
Mikethenight2good Sat 05-Nov-16 20:40:17

I am just getting so sick of DH at the weekends. There is always something wrong with him. He is tired. He isn't feeling well. He is so moany. Grumpy. It's driving me insane!

I am currently on mat leave from my main employer with DC2 and it is intense with a baby and a toddler. I still have private clients that I look after. The only way I can currently get it to work is by doing some work over the weekend and leaving DH with the kids. I am only working upstairs in our bedroom. (I am too knackered in the evenings)

Today he has been such a grump. I feel DC1 just spent the day in front of the TV. He could have taken them to the park. He is tired. Last week he wasn't feeling quite right, so my parents helped with the kids. There is always something wrong with him. Every day he is gone before the kids aee up and gets in around bath / bed time so he hardly see them and he tells me he misses them in the week.

He is a fab dad when he is one child, and for a short period (eg bedtime on a weekday). But at weekends I think what he really wants to do is sleep in and lounge on the sofa and just chill (wouldn't we all!). But those days are over, and I really want him to man up and just stop moping around.

user1474439326 Sat 05-Nov-16 20:46:04

I'm sympathise and I think most dh's think they deserve a rest after a hard weeks work. Because looking after the kids isn't as hard confused honestly most people I know have the same situ, and part of me thinks it's just the way things go with the whole who has the hardest job thing,other times I will say something and he shifts up a gear - or not!
Maybe try and talk to him and check there's not something deeper than feeling a bit lazy!

OohhThatsMe Sat 05-Nov-16 20:52:50

When I was married I had to have a strong word with my husband and ask him how he wanted his children to see him - does he want them to think of him as always tired, always lying down, always moaning, never wanting to do anything? Does he really want that? Does he remember his father being like that? Ask him about friends and family - who does he think is a good dad? What does that good dad do with his children? Sometimes you have to shock someone into seeing how they're coming across to their children.

Mikethenight2good Sat 05-Nov-16 21:11:18

The annoying thing is his brother is worse and DH is always moaning with his mother about how crap a dad he is. However because BIL is so crap his parents help out alot (long story). So I do sometimes think he plays this card as it will give him a day off, like his brother. If I ever comfront him with this he would deny it.

My parents don't help the situation. Because he works all week I and he helps me round the house (no, he does his share of chores!!) I should allow him to unwind at the weekend. So what do I do all week (their attitude was like this even when I was working). I think DH would like to live in this bubble.

I hardly got any work done today as DC1 wanted to play with me or DC 2 needed settling and hubby was attending to DC 1. I have to juggle both every day, he needs to learn his way to do this too.

BlackSwan Sat 05-Nov-16 21:23:13

DH is an unbelievable pain at the weekends. If he does anything with our son it's like I owe him or he's doing me a favour. Today I put my foot down. He expected me to take DS to a party which was far away and difficult to get to, we would have been in a rush and I knew I would struggle with the driving. So I said, to hell with it, you're taking him! He did of course, but there was a lot of bitter complaining and I resent the fact that he makes out to my son that 'mummy doesn't want to take you, she wants you to miss the party'. I take him to parties 9 times out of 10.
I cultivate a great relationship with my child because I want him to know how special he is to me. That doesn't mean I don't also need some time of my own.
It sounds to me like your DH begrudges you your work time and doesn't value that you are building your client relationships and earning money.

RainbowBriteRules Sat 05-Nov-16 21:36:39

I also sometimes dread weekends as DH is either at work or grumpy. He in turn says I schedule too much stuff in and accept too many party invitations. He also me says he is tired from work and wants to rest. We have two young DCs - rest does not exist!

He has improved in the last few months as the DC are getting a bit older but I wish I knew the answer sad

Dieu Sun 06-Nov-16 01:04:25

A grumpy man is just the height of unattractiveness.

Wallywobbles Sun 06-Nov-16 05:08:37

I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to bite my tongue for long on this one. I'd take what previous posters had said and give him both barrels on Sunday evening. Tell him to shape up by Saturday or start finding an alternative home and look forward to having the kids alone every other weekend.

honeydewcactus Sun 06-Nov-16 05:20:47

I divorced mine. Good luck with changng him. BTW has he been to his GP lately.

Trifleorbust Sun 06-Nov-16 10:26:33

You have to make it very very clear: you work at home during the week. He works outside the home during the week. At the weekend the work is to be shared. His being a grump won't change that fact so he may as well pack it in.

LeopardPrintSocks1 Sun 06-Nov-16 10:46:18

I left mine too. Hated weekends. Now love them as he takes the kids out for a few hours so I can have a rest without his mopey face around

Shayelle Sun 06-Nov-16 15:02:59

I had an OH like this. I ended it and moved on and the feeling of freedom is incredible. I dont know why the hell I put up with so much crap. Didnt have kids though so I can imagine thats a lot harder, but you owe it to yourself and your little one to be happy and enjoy life. Good luck to you x

Shayelle Sun 06-Nov-16 15:05:25

Why are they so miserable all the time? Its like living with Eeyore. I still dont really understand it. But bloody glad not to have to be around that misery anymore. No matter how hard you try not to let it get to you, they do manage to bring you down eventually. Wallowing in morose-ness. Urgh

Mikethenight2good Mon 07-Nov-16 08:30:26

He told me yesterday he was feeling down. I shrugged my shoulders & was bit, "what do you want me to do about that?'.

Later he tells that he feels lonely as a couple. I just lost my cool. I already feel spread thin looking after the 2 kids and he now wants more attention. Maybe if he worked more as a team maybe he wouldn't feel so isolated. Maybe if he gave me more attention he would get more back.

But when the chips are down he is nowhere to be seen. When the babies woke in the night for a feed, he couldn't sleep, so moved into the spare bedroom. DC 2 was bottle fed and has never done a night duty. He went into a depressive state just after DC1 was born so left struggling trying to adjust to parenthood. He changed jobs after Dc2 was born, so again I am left to adjust while he focuses on new job.

I actually felt quite happy yesterday eve as I wouldn't have to put up with him. But then this morning it feels quite lonely with the kids on my own. I do this every day, day in day out. I quite fancy a break too.

LeopardPrintSocks1 Mon 07-Nov-16 08:37:29

Maybe he's got pnd if it's got worse after kids. Tell him to go gp to help with his issue as you're doing everything else.

My ex never did a night feed either. V selfish

ofudginghell Mon 07-Nov-16 08:46:23

Maybe he needs a reminder of how busy you are looking after dc and the house during the week?
Plan a morning out for yourself on a Saturday.
Tell him you will be going out at x time. Then leave and find a nice quiet place to relax.

DontRecogniseMyself Mon 07-Nov-16 17:47:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LeopardPrintSocks1 Mon 07-Nov-16 20:28:43

Dont what an arse.

DontRecogniseMyself Mon 07-Nov-16 20:57:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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