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Are you better off alone?

(13 Posts)
Msqueen33 Sat 05-Nov-16 18:05:19

How do you know if you're better off alone? As the song says. Unhappy relationship but three kids and two have Sen to think about. No abuse but feeling unappreciated as a sahm and carer. Will it become a case of the grass is not greener and I could regret it? I've talked to my dh about my concerns a lot and how I feel under supported but nothing changes. He says nothing he ever does is good enough and I feel he could do more. I'm not sure I have the energy to fix it. We had a weekend away with the kids and when they had gone to bed we had dinner but didn't seem to have anything to say to each other. My kids exhaust me and I don't think he gets how hard it is as he's either at work or doing his hobby.

I know if I asked him to leave he'd be a real nasty bastard. Sometimes I think maybe I'm unrealistic in what happens in relationships. I was raised by a narcissist so that's screwed me up a bit aswell.

NeedajobBob Sat 05-Nov-16 18:18:18

You are never so lonely as when you're in a bad marriage...

ltb

Allofaflumble Sat 05-Nov-16 23:09:29

I think you are better off alone. I positively prefer it but it wouldn't be easy for someone in your situation and you would have to go through some painful transitions to reach a happier place.

I do think being unhappy most of the time in a relationship is literally wasting your precious life. Best of luck to you.

WorriedWife2016 Sun 06-Nov-16 05:26:35

I am seven months alone, I found out about his affair.
Yes I am better off alone, 2 doc 1 sen, it's tough and I miss what I wish we had but it's better.
It's taking me time to adjust and financially will be hard but I can do what I want when I want, not treading on egg shells etc I am closer to the kids, we eat what we like when we like.i see friends when I like and they are always welcome at my house.i worry about a lonely future but not constantly.
He really has shown his true colours and it's only now I am seeing how stifled and unhappy I was.i can't speak for your situation but for me it is better

WorriedWife2016 Sun 06-Nov-16 05:27:20

*dc not doc sorry

honeydewcactus Sun 06-Nov-16 05:58:10

I agree with Allofaflumble. After years of mind debate and Relate sessions I left with 6 year old sen and 8 yr old DC. It's tough financially, we never go on holiday, and you don't get a break (unless you have relatives to babysit). It can be lonely, but there are no more arguments, no one to undermine what you say, you live life your way and there is peace. Good luck.

PrincessHairyMclary Sun 06-Nov-16 06:32:25

I like being an my own whilst my DD is not SEN if you're not getting any support now it won't be too much different for you.

The first year sucks especially if you have to go through court and it's very stressful. In my experience though having a Court Order tat sets out basic Contact times is a great and using the CSA is good for keeping a middleman between you so there is no dealing with finances even if it's a service you have to pay for now it's a service well worth having.

It's very liberating being able to do what you want when you want to, my house is very peaceful as there's no one to argue with. I don't particularly feel lonely because by the time we are home from work/after school clubs and have dinner it's about 7pm time for DD to go to bed and I get a couple of hours to read, watch what I want on TV or study before I'm off to bed.

The hardest part is being organised especially if DD has gone to bed or is I'll and I realise I've not got enough Calpol or bread/milk for the morning but that's reality very easy to fix.

There's nothing worse than being lonely when you're not alone.

BzyB Sun 06-Nov-16 06:50:21

Prefer being on my own. No SEN. I was 4 months pregnant and have a toddler and teen.
He does more with the toddler now than when he lived with us. She actually looks forward to seeing him. That def wasn't the case a year ago.
And even with the demands of a newborn plus toddler I have never thought to myself " I wish he was here to share this workload"

MissWillaCather Sun 06-Nov-16 18:24:32

Probably, but I hate being by myself, and have young children, just can't face the upheaval.

Also despise myself for this though 😶

Myusernameismyusername Sun 06-Nov-16 21:31:42

I just can't go on holiday as I can't afford it
Pretty much everything is better. Even having less money there is no one to fall out with about it

Myusernameismyusername Sun 06-Nov-16 21:42:23

I never wish for ex back to share the workload he was a giant pain in the arse. He wasn't good company or fun either. Sex was bad. He constantly checked all my spending and questioned it. Even getting ready to go out with him around was stressful. Ok I had someone to help with the kids sometimes but I haven't ever gone to bed at night and missed him or the help because we just all adapated. Kids behaviour was better with just me.

I think it's different if you actually like your partner as a friend too and they are hands on with the kids, my ex was but one hand on them the other pointing out all the things I hadn't done and actually our final moment together was me walking out after he had a go at me about taking out a bin bag when I had been at work for 12 hours

GingerIvy Sun 06-Nov-16 21:54:25

I have 3 children, 2 with SNs, and definitely feel I'm better off alone. Ex was more work and couldn't cope with the dcs' SNs, so I ended up dealing with the chaos he caused over that as well. Add in the relentless smoothing things over and trying to keep him from going off at the dcs because he couldn't cope with their behaviour (related to SNs), quite frankly while it's a lot of work, it's still less stressful than having ex here.

jeaux90 Sun 06-Nov-16 22:34:19

I love being a single parent, been that way for 6 years. Soooooo happy with things this way. X

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