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What now?

(7 Posts)
Heartbroken47 Sat 05-Nov-16 17:28:12

I posted late last/early this year when my husband of 22 years (together 27) said last December that he didn't love me anymore, This followed a breakdown and a disclosure (to me) that he was sexually abused as a child.
He said he wouldn't make any rash decisions and he would try to make it work - we've had about 5 couples counselling sessions so far and at the last one she commented that one of us didn't seem to be trying,
This morning my husband told me he hadn't been trying as he'd told the big thing he'd been covering up but he still hadn't been honest with me and if it had ended he wouldn't have needed to.
He has been unfaithful to me with 4 different women. The last time was 5 years ago, the first one was 18 years ago, one lasted for over a year. He said he didn't love them it was for sex and friendship.
Our sex life wasn't great I will admit - we have two children (now in their early 20s) who have disabilities. I was exhausted and stressed.
He says he is sorry but I'm not sure if he wants me to forgive him, or even if I can.
Im completely lost.

OrlandaFuriosa Sat 05-Nov-16 17:39:21


Well, on the one hand, good for him to tell you. He could still have been covering up.

I think this is so major you'll both have to work through it, at therapy and outside. You'll be going through grief, anger etc. It will probably take time before you can know your own mind, ditto him, it seems.

So sorry. Sympathy, lots of.

keepingonrunning Sat 05-Nov-16 17:41:15

You have tolerated so much.
Why not set yourself free to find someone who does love you, respects you and values you? You only get one life - there is no dress rehearsal. Wouldn't your children want to see you happy?

Heartbroken47 Sun 06-Nov-16 08:51:43

Thanks for the comments, I took a sleeping pill so managed to get some rest last night.
He is the only man I've loved since I was 19. It's not easy to walk away though I can understand that is an option I need to seriously consider.

keepingonrunning Sun 06-Nov-16 08:54:49

Try reading about the sunk costs fallacy.

Crazeecurlee Sun 06-Nov-16 17:04:34

Gosh OP I am so sorry. What a blow, I can't imagine. No advice just to say I'm listening and hand-holding if needed. What is it that you want OP? Do you want it to work, do you still love him? Or is it just the fear of not really knowing anything else?

Heartbroken47 Sun 06-Nov-16 18:12:15

I feel that I still love him and that he is and always was "the one" but I'm sure anger will kick in at some point about the affairs.
He says the affairs wouldn't have happened if he really loved me and I deserve better.
We have couples counselling on Thurs.

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