"Accidentally" slept with my boss (face palm)

[HaveILostMyMind]

I don't know what to do. I work in a smallish team and we all get on really well. I was at university with my immediate boss about 10 years ago, we knew each other, but not all that well and I hadn't seen him until I started this job last year. I have just come out of a 5 year relationship and he has been single for the last year or so since his engagement broke up. We were working late to meet a dealine last night and were joking around, I have no idea what came over us but we were both being a little flirty and we ended up kissing. I went back to his apartment and we ended up in bed together. I never do this! Now I'm really worried about seeing him at work on Monday. Should I just act like it never happened or try and speak with him about it? I feel like a total idiot, and can't believe I did this.

[LetsAllEatCakes]

Act ike nothing happened. Be friendly and civil and see how he reacts.

But it depends, do you want something from this or just to forget it?

[bluecashmere]

What did you say to each other this morning (or when you left)? Was it awkward?

Don't pretend it never happened as it will make things worse. Acknowledge it and the fact it was a one off (assuming that's all it was) and agree to ensure it doesn't have an impact on your working relationship.

Do not be the slightest bit flirty in front of anyone else as that will end very badly.

[Somerville]

Is there a rule against it in your work place?

Are you open to it being the start of something with him?

Can't advise without that information!

[StreetFighter]

You've got yourself into a bit of a pickle, OP.

First thing you need to do is work out what was actually going in your head to lead to this situation. No one ever "accidentally" sleeps with anyone -it's an active choice - so you need to figure out why it happened. Are you attracted to him? Were you attracted to his position of power over you? Were you attempting to present yourself as a Cool Girl because you're still new and trying to create an impression?

What happens next rather depends on your answer to the above, I think.

I hope you're ok. I know you're being very breezy about this, but you must be feeling very anxious. Also hope that you used protection - if not the MAP is a matter of urgency; you don't need to add a pregnancy into this muddle.

[PinkiePiesCupcakes]

Have ypou not got his number?
a quick text moight help?

"What the fuckity fuck happened there then? :)"

Ask hiwnhe wants to handle it, see if he wants the same as you?

[jeaux90]

Pinkie has it or act like happened or you can address it Monday just say it was a bit of a mess and can you keep it professional from now on. Depends what you want really. Don't guilt yourself out over it, it happens, your consenting adults etc xxx

[HaveILostMyMind]

I left before he woke up this morning. There's not really any rules as far as I know, but he does evaluations for the team and is in charge of pay reviews and team tasks. I don't really know how I feel about it. He's really lovely and I would class us as friends as well as work colleagues. I just feel like I've made a massive mistake by falling into bed with him. I'm not saying women can't be liberated or whatever, but I've only had two relationships, and I've never had a one night stand, and I don't know if he'll just think I'm a bit of a loss woman (I don't know what the polite term for this is)

[HaveILostMyMind]

So a breezy text maybe?

[AndShesGone]

Just marry him

[Degustibusnonestdisputandem]

Loose woman?

[Somerville]

Most adults have had a ONS. You don't need to feel grubby about that.

And actually I wouldn't really class this as a ONS. You slept with someone you've known for a decade, who you get on with well and who you have loads in common with. It's a promising start for a relationship if that's what you (and he) want.

You need to figure out what you want yourself before you talk to him.

[angeldiver]

Yes, text him definitely. That way you should be able to gauge how he feels about it all.

[SemiNormal]

Bridget is that you?

Don't overthink it. Obviously might make things awkward for a while but no real reason why it should. You're both single adults who had consensual sex, no biggy.

[AgainPlease]

You left before he woke up?

If I took someone back to my place and they showed themselves out without even a "good morning" I'd think they thought they'd made a huge mistake and are embarrassed and I would be very hurt and pissed off.

To leave it all day without a follow up message would have me worried too. Also the fact HE didn't send you a text "where did you run off to this morning?" "Are you okay?" "Did you get home safely?" etc. makes me think he doesn't give much of a fuck about you.

[LetsAllEatCakes]

Nothing wrong with a ons or fwb op. You say he's lovely, is it just friends you want? Just in case he asks you that.

[neveradullmoment99]

I agree with againplease. It wasnt a great idea to run out like and the fact he hasn't been in touch means that he doesnt care or that he thinks you are ashamed or embaressed about the whole thing. I mean imagine if a guy had done that to you?

[Mindtrope]

I agree with LetsAllEatCakes . Act as if nothing has happened. Keep your cool. You are both single, nothing bad has happened. He may be feeling as awkward as you.

[neveradullmoment99]

If you have his mobile number just text and ask to talk. Better to clear the air. Decide before how you feel about a relationship and know what you want before he thinks he has a chance with you.

[HaveILostMyMind]

I left a little post it but I will definitely admit that running off was a bad plan. I completely panicked and I don't know the etiquette for ONS because I'm a bit of a plank/idiot. I'm not saying it's bad for consenting adults to do whatever they do I just feel a bit wibbly today. I'll text and apologise for being rude and ask if he wants to talk about it?

[neveradullmoment99]

I think thats the best idea haveilostmymind. It clears the air.

[neveradullmoment99]

Its not so bad if you left a little post it :) What do you want out of it?

[Underchipsandpeas]

"No one round here ever has to leave for shagging the boss."

[neveradullmoment99]

I mean, would you want a relationship with him? If yes then great. If not then say about you just being on the rebound.

[Jinxxx]

How about a quick text "Sorry I didn't mention I had to be away early this morning. Hope you found my post-it."

[Lorelei76]

Leave it, don't say anything.