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"Accidentally" slept with my boss (face palm)

(326 Posts)
HaveILostMyMind Sat 05-Nov-16 17:05:36

I don't know what to do. I work in a smallish team and we all get on really well. I was at university with my immediate boss about 10 years ago, we knew each other, but not all that well and I hadn't seen him until I started this job last year. I have just come out of a 5 year relationship and he has been single for the last year or so since his engagement broke up. We were working late to meet a dealine last night and were joking around, I have no idea what came over us but we were both being a little flirty and we ended up kissing. I went back to his apartment and we ended up in bed together. I never do this! Now I'm really worried about seeing him at work on Monday. Should I just act like it never happened or try and speak with him about it? I feel like a total idiot, and can't believe I did this.

LetsAllEatCakes Sat 05-Nov-16 17:09:58

Act ike nothing happened. Be friendly and civil and see how he reacts.

But it depends, do you want something from this or just to forget it?

bluecashmere Sat 05-Nov-16 17:11:54

What did you say to each other this morning (or when you left)? Was it awkward?

Don't pretend it never happened as it will make things worse. Acknowledge it and the fact it was a one off (assuming that's all it was) and agree to ensure it doesn't have an impact on your working relationship.

Do not be the slightest bit flirty in front of anyone else as that will end very badly.

Somerville Sat 05-Nov-16 17:14:59

Is there a rule against it in your work place?

Are you open to it being the start of something with him?

Can't advise without that information!

StreetFighter Sat 05-Nov-16 17:16:16

You've got yourself into a bit of a pickle, OP.

First thing you need to do is work out what was actually going in your head to lead to this situation. No one ever "accidentally" sleeps with anyone -it's an active choice - so you need to figure out why it happened. Are you attracted to him? Were you attracted to his position of power over you? Were you attempting to present yourself as a Cool Girl because you're still new and trying to create an impression?

What happens next rather depends on your answer to the above, I think.

I hope you're ok. I know you're being very breezy about this, but you must be feeling very anxious. Also hope that you used protection - if not the MAP is a matter of urgency; you don't need to add a pregnancy into this muddle.

PinkiePiesCupcakes Sat 05-Nov-16 17:21:02

Have ypou not got his number?
a quick text moight help?

"What the fuckity fuck happened there then? smile"

Ask hiwnhe wants to handle it, see if he wants the same as you?

jeaux90 Sat 05-Nov-16 17:25:26

Pinkie has it or act like happened or you can address it Monday just say it was a bit of a mess and can you keep it professional from now on. Depends what you want really. Don't guilt yourself out over it, it happens, your consenting adults etc xxx

HaveILostMyMind Sat 05-Nov-16 17:27:22

I left before he woke up this morning. There's not really any rules as far as I know, but he does evaluations for the team and is in charge of pay reviews and team tasks. I don't really know how I feel about it. He's really lovely and I would class us as friends as well as work colleagues. I just feel like I've made a massive mistake by falling into bed with him. I'm not saying women can't be liberated or whatever, but I've only had two relationships, and I've never had a one night stand, and I don't know if he'll just think I'm a bit of a loss woman (I don't know what the polite term for this is)

HaveILostMyMind Sat 05-Nov-16 17:31:20

So a breezy text maybe?

AndShesGone Sat 05-Nov-16 17:32:09

Just marry him grin

Degustibusnonestdisputandem Sat 05-Nov-16 17:34:04

Loose woman? hmm

Somerville Sat 05-Nov-16 17:34:58

Most adults have had a ONS. You don't need to feel grubby about that.

And actually I wouldn't really class this as a ONS. You slept with someone you've known for a decade, who you get on with well and who you have loads in common with. It's a promising start for a relationship if that's what you (and he) want.

You need to figure out what you want yourself before you talk to him.

angeldiver Sat 05-Nov-16 17:35:27

Yes, text him definitely. That way you should be able to gauge how he feels about it all.

SemiNormal Sat 05-Nov-16 17:37:41

Bridget is that you? grin

Don't overthink it. Obviously might make things awkward for a while but no real reason why it should. You're both single adults who had consensual sex, no biggy.

AgainPlease Sat 05-Nov-16 17:37:47

You left before he woke up? hmm

If I took someone back to my place and they showed themselves out without even a "good morning" I'd think they thought they'd made a huge mistake and are embarrassed and I would be very hurt and pissed off.

To leave it all day without a follow up message would have me worried too. Also the fact HE didn't send you a text "where did you run off to this morning?" "Are you okay?" "Did you get home safely?" etc. makes me think he doesn't give much of a fuck about you.

LetsAllEatCakes Sat 05-Nov-16 17:39:26

Nothing wrong with a ons or fwb op. You say he's lovely, is it just friends you want? Just in case he asks you that.

neveradullmoment99 Sat 05-Nov-16 17:41:45

I agree with againplease. It wasnt a great idea to run out like and the fact he hasn't been in touch means that he doesnt care or that he thinks you are ashamed or embaressed about the whole thing. I mean imagine if a guy had done that to you?

Mindtrope Sat 05-Nov-16 17:42:03

I agree with LetsAllEatCakes . Act as if nothing has happened. Keep your cool. You are both single, nothing bad has happened. He may be feeling as awkward as you.

neveradullmoment99 Sat 05-Nov-16 17:43:03

If you have his mobile number just text and ask to talk. Better to clear the air. Decide before how you feel about a relationship and know what you want before he thinks he has a chance with you.

HaveILostMyMind Sat 05-Nov-16 17:43:49

I left a little post it blush but I will definitely admit that running off was a bad plan. I completely panicked and I don't know the etiquette for ONS because I'm a bit of a plank/idiot. I'm not saying it's bad for consenting adults to do whatever they do I just feel a bit wibbly today. I'll text and apologise for being rude and ask if he wants to talk about it?

neveradullmoment99 Sat 05-Nov-16 17:44:41

I think thats the best idea haveilostmymind. It clears the air.

neveradullmoment99 Sat 05-Nov-16 17:45:29

Its not so bad if you left a little post it smile What do you want out of it?

Underchipsandpeas Sat 05-Nov-16 17:45:31

"No one round here ever has to leave for shagging the boss."grin

neveradullmoment99 Sat 05-Nov-16 17:46:19

I mean, would you want a relationship with him? If yes then great. If not then say about you just being on the rebound.

Jinxxx Sat 05-Nov-16 17:47:43

How about a quick text "Sorry I didn't mention I had to be away early this morning. Hope you found my post-it."

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