Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Is my friend taking the piss?

(18 Posts)
Lottie999 Sat 05-Nov-16 16:03:05

Just wanting some other peoples views on this as I would like to know if I am overreacting / being over sensitive.
I helped my friend out a while ago, let her stay at mine for 6 week told her not to worry about paying me anything as I thought it was a nice friend thing to do. Friend wasn't homeless or anything, it was due to work circumstances & it meant that journey to & from work was easier as it saved her lots of hassle travelling & it cut her driving time a lot. Friend paid for her own food etc, which was fine. I owed friend £20 as borrowed it at beginning of month. I forgot about the £20 I owed her ( i have always paid her back when I said I would on previous occasions when journey out worked out I owed her small amounts of money etc ) Towards the end of her stay she asked me for the £20 back... which I gave her... it just felt a bit odd handing her the £20 when I had allowed her to stay in my home for 6 weeks & pay nothing towards it - bearing in mind I previously said she could stay & not pay anything. Roles reversed if I was staying at hers rent free and I owed her £20 I would have said no keep the £20 as you've helped me out by letting me stay at yours. Bearing in mind she actually benefited money wise by staying at mine by not paying her usual petrol costs & monthly board costs to her parents. Whilst said friend was staying at mine on several occasions she disobeyed my instructions re house safety related issues, nothing major, but I have OCD & it's something that most people would overlook but for me it's a huge deal & I told her so & she still did it regardless. We have now been invited to a friends gathering which is local to me & said friend has said that unless she can stay at mine she can't go due to taxi costs because she won't be able to drive due to drinking. Thing is I know that friend has more than average savings in her bank she's just too tight to pay for taxi which would cost about £80. I understand that no one likes to pay outrageous costs for taxis but it's the fact that she disobeyed my house instructions & I thought that asking for the £20 back when she saved money by staying at mine for 6 weeks previously was quite cheeky. I just thought that telling me to keep the £20 would have been a nice gesture. I'm not hard up for £20, it's the thought & gesture that counts, I thought that it would have been a nice kind gesture to do taking into consideration that I had just kindly let her stay with no costs involved. Friend is now saying that unless she can stay at mine she can't attend the party. After she disobeyed my home safety instructions I don't want her staying over anymore. I feel a bit childish writing this but I feel a little bit like she is taking the piss. Am I being unreasonable thinking this?

BusterGonad Sat 05-Nov-16 16:06:19

She sounds a bit tight, what exactly were your rules regarding OCD? Just to get a full picture of the situation.

Ayeok Sat 05-Nov-16 16:07:36

I don't think YABU. I have OCD and fully understand how difficult it is when someone disregards it, especially in your own home. Also, she did take the piss a bit by not contributing at all (I'd have cooked or got a takeaway and a bottle of wine or something a couple of times to say thank you) and then asking for her £20. I'd tell her no.

AttilaTheMeerkat Sat 05-Nov-16 16:07:36

No you are not unreasonable in thinking this. This lady is really no friend of yours either.

I think you need to raise your boundaries on friendships a lot higher because you're leaving yourself wide open to being taken advantage of.

AmeliaJack Sat 05-Nov-16 16:15:49

If you don't want her to stay you are perfectly free to say "no". If she wasn't a good guest I wouldn't feel any guilt over it either.

Bad guests rarely get a repeat invitation to my house.

If she wants to go to the party she can either pay for the taxi, not drink and drive or find a hotel.

You saying "no" does not prevent her attending there are several other options. She's a grown up it's her responsibility to sort out her own life.

Lottie999 Sat 05-Nov-16 16:19:02

Thankyou for replying : ) Aeyok yes if she had treated us to a takeaway a couple of times I would have been made up with that. If she would have just done something as a kind gesture that would have been really nice, but she didn't, and asking for ' The £20 ' back ... fair play I owed her it but she had the chance to do a kind gesture of goodwill there by telling me to keep it. Like I said it wasn't about the money, it was about being kind & thoughtful like I am. Well I've told her that she can't stay over that night so she will have to get a taxi or miss out. I feel a bit mean but I refuse to made a mug of.

harverina Sat 05-Nov-16 16:20:05

Yanbu about the money. Some people have no self awareness though. She shouldn't have asked for it back. She either didn't think it through or is incredibly selfish.

Re. the home safety - I think it's probably not really got anything to do with that and you are just pissed off with her asking for the money. Without knowif what she actually did it's hard to say if yabu or not

Lottie999 Sat 05-Nov-16 16:28:05

Havarina... I don't sleep with my mobile plugged into the charger all night. I've had fire training at work previously & fire safety officers told us that this was the biggest cause of house fires. She sneakily took my phone charger upstairs & charged her phone all night when I had previously asked her not to. I know she did it as I saw the charger in her room the next morning when I had put it away before I went to bed. Like I said a lot of people do this, but I don't. My house is MY house, I have a mortgage & ive spent a lot of money on it furnishing & decorating for it to be ruined by carelessness.

BusterGonad Sat 05-Nov-16 16:49:00

She sounds like a bit of a cow to be honest, don't let her stay again and maybe then she'll start looking into herself and realize she's not a very good friend. Xx

BusterGonad Sat 05-Nov-16 16:49:35

Sorry about the Xx, for a minute I was in texting mode! Lol

Floggingmolly Sat 05-Nov-16 16:54:56

She really held her hand out for twenty quid; having lived at yours rent free for six weeks? shock. I can't abide mean people, it's the worst personality trait for me.

Timeforabiscuit Sat 05-Nov-16 16:56:40

Stinginess is one of those charater traits which is really unattractive, are there other things which make here a good friend or is everything on her terms?

You dont need to have anyone in your house, and she would be incredibly rude to invite herself.

Timeforabiscuit Sat 05-Nov-16 16:58:07

Btw, dont hold your breath about her realising her rudeness - even when its spelt out people, can be breathtakingly self involved.

femfemlicious Sat 05-Nov-16 16:59:32

You are absolutely right OP
I would never let her stay again
She is very selfish. Some people just take take take

Lottie999 Sat 05-Nov-16 17:05:05

Thankyou for your views... it's nice to know that it's not just me overthinking things. What I didn't like was how she said that if she can't stay at mine she can't attend the party! I feel like she's holding me to ransom by the staying at mine thing. Of course she can still go to the party but she's tight & won't pay the taxi fare. Well I'm afraid she won't have to go then will she. And yes stinginess is one of my pet hates... which I am not. Time to start ghosting this particular ' friend ' me thinks.

Lottie999 Sat 05-Nov-16 17:06:23

Bustergonad thanks for the kisses lol ha xX

Isawthepigsfly Sat 05-Nov-16 17:13:16

I don't understand her wording actually. If that was me I would have just said "is there any chance I could and if not, not to worry".

I also don't understand her asking for the money back. She might not be happy with you now but honestly doesn't sound like a huge loss. Maybe that's harsh though.

Bluebelle38 Sun 06-Nov-16 03:33:01

She is so ungrateful. She is no friend. I can't believe she asked for the £20 back. I cut a friend out of my life once for something similar. no way should you let her use you again, because that is what she wants to do. Stand up for yourself and explain you were shocked she would ask for the £20. People like her get away with abominable behaviour because others are too polite to be honest with them. She's some piece of work....

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now