Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Freedom programme for DA survivors. Any good??

(20 Posts)
midnightmuma Sat 05-Nov-16 04:01:18

Not sure if this is the right place to post.
I've posted recently about an EA relationship. Women's Aid recommend this programme.

Just wanted to know what people's experiences are on the freedom programme?

What kind of things did you talk about and did you find it helpful?

nancydrew Sat 05-Nov-16 13:10:39

I did it earlier this year and I found it to be very positive. I am also a survivor from an EA relationship which ended 7 years ago (although we have children so he is unavoidable). The experience of abuse was still bothering me, I think it kind of gets swept under the carpet, I broke down after attending some awareness training at work and realised I had to do something. Do it if you have got the time, it's much better that just reading the book. Peer support is amazing and there were 2/3 trained facilitators who were very good as well. I was a bit worried that as I had not been hit my experience of abuse might not be as 'real' or as valid as others but I was relieved to find its not like that.

midnightmuma Sat 05-Nov-16 13:25:17

Thank you for replying. We also have a child together and I'm still with him. I'm trying to leave though.
All mine is emotional/mental abuse so I'm feeling how you were too.

lifesucks75 Sat 05-Nov-16 13:32:20

I'm going through it too and finding it very helpful on here. I hope you're ok. (don't know how to do flowers)

midnightmuma Sat 05-Nov-16 13:52:55

I'm finding it helpful on here too. It's good to talk to people who have gone /going through it. I find some people don't understand and get it. E.g. My parents
I'm ok just getting worn down by it now. Hope you're ok

lifesucks75 Sat 05-Nov-16 14:06:29

no some people really don't understand, or don't believe. Possibly because a normal person doesn't set out to destroy another human let alone someone they claim to love.

midnightmuma Sat 05-Nov-16 14:57:09

That's exactly it! My parents have a perfect marriage and they don't see the full extent of what he's like so I don't think they believe me. He's actually just made me cry. Was in a car park and our LB was crying and he parked close to another car so I couldn't get in the back to settle him and I said I can't get in the back and he's just shouted at me what are you thick. Then said sorry but said I apologise when I'm nasty, making out I'm nasty all the time when I'm not!! Just a build up of small digs tipped me over to cry. Feel so stupid!!

ddrmum Sat 05-Nov-16 19:42:28

I did the freedom.programme and think it's great. It covers all types of abuse and highlights many of the subtle ways in which perpetrators operate. If you can do it, it will give you a valuable & useful insight as well as giving you strength to leave if that's what you decide. Wishing you strength

lifesucks75 Sun 06-Nov-16 00:39:42

you are not stupid! over time things can build up so much that you lose it over something that might seem daft to other people.

midnightmuma Sun 06-Nov-16 19:47:32

Thanks ddr I've enquired about my local programme they only run 3 a year so will have to wait until Jan.

Thanks life I was having a really bad day yesterday and I finally had enough and lost it with him and told him I'm sick of him being nasty/putting me down and all the other stuff. He cried and said he would get help but I'm not so sure. Hard to change someone who's so used to being this way

PsychedelicSheep Sun 06-Nov-16 20:17:23

spoiler alert he won't change. Well maybe for all of 5 minutes until you stfu and get back in your box, then he'll revert to type.

Freedom Programme is good - definitely get on it.

ddrmum Sun 06-Nov-16 20:39:07

Hi midnight, January isn't so far away though i know that when it's bad every day is hard. If you can get on freedom for January, do it. It gave me a real insight into what I'd gone through and gave names of many of the things he did - gaslighting etc. It helps me even now, 6yrs on. Whatever you decide to do, you will be informed - not saying you aren't already, you're on here after all wink The red flags just jump out at you.

Starlight2345 Sun 06-Nov-16 20:43:02

I just replied to your other thread.

I just want to add what HV said to me when I was in the refuge..She told me that men tend to do the minimum to keep you there nothing more..

He doesn't want to change he wants you to stay in the same situation.

chollawallabollaholla Sun 06-Nov-16 20:50:20

I would recommend, if anything it'll make you realise that you are not alone even though it may feel like it at times. You can access support from your local children's centre if you need it in the interim

comoneileen Sun 06-Nov-16 22:27:38

Absolutely great support. Go for it!

midnightmuma Mon 07-Nov-16 10:21:33

Hmm yea I'm very wary. I feel like him crying was more at the fact that I said I was going to leave if he didn't sort it out rather than actually feeling bad. He has said he will get help but a part of me feels he's lying and just saying he will ring them. I feel a bit like the cycle has started again but because I'm in it I can't see clear and stupidly even though I know what he's doing a part of me still loves him. Wish I could get support right now instead of waiting, I feel it would help me.

PsychedelicSheep Mon 07-Nov-16 19:32:04

I think you can do it online so may be an option to do that while you wait for the rl one? It won't be a substitute but could be something to tide you over? And of course you can always post here for support 💐

nancydrew Tue 08-Nov-16 08:13:31

Hi Midnight, sorry I didn't manage to come back to this thread until now. How are you today? I just wanted to say that I think most of society tend to downplay or ignore the terrible effects of emotional abuse. They are just not as tangible but equally damaging. I'm guilty of this doing this to myself. I would just say that you need to take good care of yourself as staying in this situation the way that it is now is damaging you. It's very hard to repair the damage, as I'm discovering. I simply can't contemplate ever having another relationship again, that's how bad it was for me.

Please keep posting if it helps? They say that peer support is one of the best types of support in this situation. Also did someone mention Children's Centres upthread? I think they can also be a good source of support for you and your LB.

Take good care

hellsbellsmelons Tue 08-Nov-16 14:56:03

So he's been abusing you for years.
You finally call him out on it.
And... he cries!!!!
It's called 'manipulation'
Don't fall for it!

midnightmuma Wed 09-Nov-16 13:09:25

I've started doing the online version. It's a big eye opener! Feeling low today. I confronted my mum and said I feel she doesn't want me around and doesn't take notice when I try to tell her what's going on. She just replied saying that's not right.
Heartbreaking when your mother doesn't support you through a very tough time.

Peer support is great, so thank you all for replying.

Hellsbells I can see it now I've read the freedom programme online book. How silly of me to actually feel sorry for him and believe him! He's just come home feel like he was checking up on me.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now