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Longing for a loving relationship I currently don't have with my DH

(7 Posts)
MonkeyBread Fri 04-Nov-16 10:48:28


Let me start with the essence of my concerns: I have the feeling I could do better and find someone with a truly loving relationship. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I could go back in time and not have any children with my DH, would I have been happier? I really think I would have and there is a part of me that regrets having started a family with him sad

Don't get me wrong I do love my DH. However he is socially a little awkward, I am completely the opposite so probably one of the reason we are together. He works a lot and has a hard time switching off.

We do have the normal hardships of a young family (2 and a 7 year old children) so we don't get to do things just the two of us very often. We have had slight problems with money and the normal stressful things in life but overall we are good and find the time to have dinner together almost every day and talk to each other.

The reason I wonder is because I am a very affectionate person (he is not). I am SO grateful for my kids, they fill my heart with love and I make sure I show it every day. Yet with my DH it's not like that. He is just an introvert and not a very huggable kind of guy.
I see these loving older couples like my parents who have that look in their eyes of true love and affection and they show it openly. Neither of us is especially romantic although I would love to have some romantic moments. We aren't married either which I am not really fuzzed about.
I wonder if once our little ones grow (our 2 year old is pretty hard work) things will get better but I worry that that core we will never become that affectionate and loving couple. I probably know that but there is always that glimmer of hope. Or maybe I'm wrong.

Either way I don't think that is enough of a reason to break up the family. Love should be crazy and all in LOVE but then lifes reality kicks in and it's just the way things have turned out for me.
But I keep having that glimmer of hope and I can't shake it off my head. Both my parents and my sister are in very loving relationships and out of all of them I am probably the most affectionate yet my relationship isn't like theirs. And they don't particularly like him for that very same reason.

Maybe it's up to me to try and push the relationship to be more romantic?
Anyway I just had to get these thoughts out my system.

Thanks for letting me vent smile

Happybunny19 Fri 04-Nov-16 15:09:39

Have you discussed your dissatisfaction with your dh? My oh is an introvert but is very affectionate with it, so I don't think the two necessarily go hand in hand. He sounds very cold and distant, is he the same with your dcs?

ZoeTurtle Fri 04-Nov-16 15:22:07

I'm very introverted and am happier sitting indoors than going out socialising, but I am very affectionate and tactile. I agree with Happybunny - have you told him explicitly that you'd like more hugs/kisses/etc?

skilledintheartofnothing Fri 04-Nov-16 15:29:10

Have you explained this to your partner?

Tarttlet Fri 04-Nov-16 18:19:29

Has he ever been consistently affectionate?

Themanfrommancc Sat 05-Nov-16 07:58:00

But thats just how he is,thats the man you presumably fell in love with, had sex with and conceived children so why the difference now? Do you want to secretly experience sex with another man? do you fantasize about it or is it a general feeling of dissatisfaction and thinking or wanting to do "better"?

If you front up to him, it may hurt and confuse him. He may think exactly what i have expressed above. How will you handle that?

Msqueen33 Sat 05-Nov-16 08:03:18

Has he always been like this?

I'm not a hugely affectionate person aside from with my kids. Im a sahm and two of my three kids have autism and my partner isn't very helpful. I'm under a lot of stress so I don't tend to have a lot of head space for my partner and his lack of support doesn't help so it might be our undoing.

Have you mentioned this to him?

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