Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Something fishy going on or me just being paranoid?

(33 Posts)
Squashberry Thu 03-Nov-16 22:17:36

Dp suddenly become overly confident, going out, changed hairstyle, he's been really mean to me lately and nothing i can do is good enough. Complains I'm not soending time with him but i try to and he sits on his phone or goes to sleep-yet thats my fault. . Goes out to watch footie game with friends says his on way home (he's supposed to be down the road) then no contact and comes back four hours later. Says he's going out to McDonald's, literally gone for a good couple of hours (when its a five min drive) but he'd left his wallet. Then rings says he's got his mcds be back soon, then calls back again later forgot his wallet going to go get it then go get mcds-hmmm? For example tonight he had college, finished "about nine" only asked so i could heat up his dinner. Weird though as he used to be back from college at nine... Its quarter past ten now, no sign of him and we're only about fifteen min drive. This is just a couple of things. Maybe I'm being paranoid but I just have a feeling something dodgy is going on. I've joked a couple of times about him having a woman on the side and he's never told me I'm being silly or denied it. Somethings going on but I cant prove it.

yohoohoo Thu 03-Nov-16 22:19:51

Go with your gut feeling would be my advice. Sit it out and dont let on whilst you gather evidence

tallwivglasses Thu 03-Nov-16 22:22:00

It doesn't look good I'm afraid. I suppose all you can do is talk to him or keep quiet and try and find some evidence. flowers

yohoohoo Thu 03-Nov-16 22:25:41

They always always slip up so sit tight

Squashberry Thu 03-Nov-16 22:32:14

I always used to think he's the last guy that would do something like that but this is a whole new side to him. Mind you a couple of years ago he did chat up a woman (neither of us know) online-and she told me! If she hadn't told me I never would've known. He said it was because I was ignoring him (I hadn't been, but we were going through a very stressful time) and he was egged on by guys at work. I wouldn't put it past him to be doing that again. I would really rather know than not know.

Squashberry Thu 03-Nov-16 22:35:51

Shall I sit him down and ask him straight "are you seeing someone/talking to someone else"? This is driving me insane but my gut is saying somethings not right. There's no way he's just admit to it.

MouseLove Thu 03-Nov-16 22:37:27

Does he have an iPhone that you can switch find my phone on?? wink

I dunno, do you never ask "where have you been?"

timeforachangeithink Thu 03-Nov-16 22:45:58

In my experience if you suspect something is up then it probably is. From the information you have given it certainly sounds like it.

GlitteryFluff Thu 03-Nov-16 22:49:28

Doesn't sound good.
What are his excuses when he gets in?
Re the McDonald's thing, did you ask why have you need gone all this time and only just twigged you can't pay? Why has it take X amount of time to get to McDonald's? Etc

Lacoba66 Thu 03-Nov-16 22:53:24

Squash if you portrayed the same behaviour as he does, what do you think he might think you where up to??

Listen to your inner voice- it's there for a reason.

Doesn't look good. Esp the being off with you part.

Don't confront, because you will never get the truth from him. Do your detective work and get your finances in order. Even if it's all a false alarm, or it's as bad as we think but you want to stick it out anyway, at least you'll be working from a position of strength and knowledge.

Best of luck.

RockinHippy Thu 03-Nov-16 23:08:30

Always trust your gut instinct, its rarely wrong & as per PP, turn on his find my phone to track him, keep your cards close to your chest & gather up financial details etc

Personally, I would also be having my hair done, treating myself to a new outfit or 2 & playing him at his own game. Don't be there when he gets in expecting his warmed up tea when he is too disrespectful to you to arrive on time or let you know, be out & roll in later, dressed up & feeling good about yourself having enjoyed a nice time with friends, or even just go to the cinema. Let him sweat, & give yourself tge respect that he isnt

Good luck

NarcsBegone Thu 03-Nov-16 23:14:48

Something is going on from what you have said is it? Unless he has developed some sort of terrible memory issues and is getting lost on the way home and forgetting that he has already got himself a macdonalds in which case there's still something going on and it still needs addressing.
The first course of action is to ask him about his odd behaviour and I would express my concern that if he can't explain it that perhaps he needs to see a dr as this not normal behaviour and then decide what your next step should be depending on his next response.

TheNaze73 Fri 04-Nov-16 07:59:40

Don't be trying to take him on at his own game, he won't even notice.

This all sounds very odd. Although there is no proof, it's the classic symptoms of someone upping their game for someone else

BoredOfWaiting Fri 04-Nov-16 08:02:59

He's obviously lying continuously to you. Only he knows why he's pretending to be in places he isn't. Confront him.

cantpickusername Fri 04-Nov-16 08:12:15

Check his phone? Ask to follow him on the find my friends app? If he's got nothing to hide he won't mind.

SandyY2K Fri 04-Nov-16 08:38:40

He'll deny it if you confront without evidence.

Have you considered going to college just before 9 o'clock and see where he goes afterwards or if he actually went.

Sometimes at college, the group chat a bit afterwards or it could be he hangs back to talk to the tutor.

A lot of the test of what you say is suspicious though. And you don't need to improve your appearance for a texting online thing either. So this time it could be a physical thing.

Do some digging.

Dadaist Fri 04-Nov-16 09:27:51

OP you have twice simply 'dismissed' his concern that you were not spending time together or ignorring him. Are you sure that he is just making it up and that you spend lots of quality time together? Are you affectionate to one another, are there moments of intimacy? Do you enjoy each other's company. I ask becasue it doesn't immediately sound to me as though there is an OW on the scene, but more like he is taking himself away from you and finding alternative ways to enjoy life, and this may be because he feels you don't have as close a relationship as you think?

AnyFucker Fri 04-Nov-16 09:32:47

He sounds like a twat whatever he is up to

IreallyKNOWiamright Fri 04-Nov-16 09:32:57

Doesn't sound good. Can you do some snooping? I know it's wrong but so is his behaviour

GizmoFrisby Fri 04-Nov-16 09:36:14

Doesn't sound positive. Could he be doing something else other than cheating? Gambling? Drugs? I would try and snoop first and get a bit of evidence before you ask. He will only deny it even if he is.

Squashberry Fri 04-Nov-16 14:02:39

Drugs and gambling- no way! He doesn't even know how to smoke a cigarette.

Thanks for your replies. Least I'm not going mad.

I spoke to him yesterday when he'd finally got in at just before midnight. Apparently no cheating, just not happy. Keeps changing what he's saying though, as if he's notnsure exactly what it is or he doesn't want to tell me. This morning he said he wants to give things one last shot. I'm done. Cant go back from this, we have nothing in common anymore, don't trust him and we dont make eachother happy

GizmoFrisby Fri 04-Nov-16 14:13:40

Sorry I didn't mean to upset you, I was just throwing ideas around.
From what you have said I would bet he's cheating. He sounds untrustworthy. Good luck.

Squashberry Fri 04-Nov-16 14:52:57

Gizmo I wasn't upset by that comment, sorry if it came across that way, didn't mean it to. Thank you. sad

DontMindMe1 Fri 04-Nov-16 15:06:52

Take you emotion and feelings out of it and what do the facts tell you?

He's making an effort to look good and socialise - but is making sure you know it's not because of or for you.
He chooses NOT to spend time with you - any excuse to get out of the house and be with people/someone he wants to be with

My gut tells me he's cheating.
If i'm wrong it doesn't change the fact he's being hurtful, disrespectful and manipulative towards you.
He's trying to mess with your head, telling you 'time together' is the problem - then deliberately making himself unavailable.

Whether he's cheating or not, it sounds like you would be better off without him.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now