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Fed up and want to move 'home'

(3 Posts)
FuckThatToOneSide Thu 03-Nov-16 13:00:42

I'm married and we have 1 DC. Since graduation, we've more or less followed DH's job around the country. We've moved around every couple of years, finally ending up in an area which happens to be fairly near his family.

We have a house in a nice area and I'm a sahm, while DH works. It sounds lovely, and I suppose it is, but I'm feeling so lonely, fed up and want to move back to where I'm from; my dad and siblings live there still. We lost our mum about a year before DH and I had our DC.

DH loves it 'at home' too (or so he says) but we "have to stay here" due to his job. It is an excellent job in terms of salary etc, though DH complains a lot about it and doesn't seem happy doing it a lot of the time.

We see his family, but, IMO, his parents prefer spending time with DH's brother and his four DCs which they do an awful lot. It's fine - I'm not terribly bothered about it, though it does sometimes seem a little unfair that we and our DC see comparatively little of them. My dad and siblings adore our DC and they all live in the same town so I just think we'd have so much more support there. If we moved there, we could also, literally, halve the cost of our mortgage, as property prices are so low, (though the hard part would then be finding a job for DH and / or me to them pay said mortgage). My dad would gladly put us up if needed as he has a big house which he is all alone in. I also have an elderly grandmother who badly needs company. I can't stand that I'm at the other end of the country, fed up and lonely while she is too. She would be so happy if we moved home.

I love my husband, but he is the only thing keeping me here. DC is too young to have any attachment to the place we live. I would never, ever consider upping sticks and abandoning DH. It's so hard. I'm miserable here and don't want to stay but I don't see any other option. Even if I decided to leave DH (which I wouldn't want anyway) I couldn't take our DC all the way across the country to live so far away from him. This sucks.

SugarMiceInTheRain Thu 03-Nov-16 13:19:19

Does your DH know how strongly you feel about this? Has he looked for jobs in the area you're from? Would the reduction in mortgage payments make him consider moving, given you'd have a lot more support there?

My DH knows I would love to move back South to nearer my family, however we both know that even with the increase in wages for London weighting, there's no way we could afford a house big enough for our family there. We do go and visit a lot though, and in school holidays whilst DH works, I will stay there for a couple of weeks at a time, catch up with family and friends etc. All I can suggest is that you talk through everything calmly and let your DH know how miserable and lonely you feel.

FuckThatToOneSide Thu 03-Nov-16 13:36:09

Thanks sugar. I think he knows I'd like to move back home. I have told him many times, but he just says we can't and that we'd be foolish to let go his job when the benefits are so good. He makes a good salary and his pension is good etc. I do appreciate how beneficial this is but can't help thinking that we are putting our lives on hold for retirement. Yes, we will have a good income in retirement if he stays put in his job but we're only in our 30s ffs! And, I can't help but think how my mum, plus a few of our grandparents never even made it to retirement age.

I think I know there isn't an easy solution to this, I'm just venting a bit.

It sounds like you are in a similar position sugar but in opposite parts of the country. House swap? wink

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