Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.


(80 Posts)
honesthelp Thu 03-Nov-16 12:47:57

Anyone had any experience of DHs using webcams? I found my DH has spent £100 over 3 weeks. Would this be the end? Feel like shit and I'm no prude.

I actually had to clean the computer of his ....sad.

In every other respect relationship ok I know he uses porn but wonder whether this is the next step to him being unfaithful - if this isn't infidelity already.

DearMrDilkington Thu 03-Nov-16 12:51:12

I wouldn't feel comfortable at all with that.

I have no issue with porn but webcams seem a lot more intimate. I'd also be furious about how much money his wasted on it.


Hastalapasta Thu 03-Nov-16 12:52:22

I agree with the PP, and would make him clean the keyboard too!

Simonneilsbeard Thu 03-Nov-16 12:55:48

I really don't know much about webcams, thank god..but is he able to interact with these women? Or is just simply watching a live broadcast?
if he's been paying to chat and watch these women is be fucking furious

honesthelp Thu 03-Nov-16 12:57:37

But what do I do now? Monitor all accounts etc not sure there's much point. I don't trust him now. What DH would think that their wife would be OK with this.

I confronted him and he has minimised saying he is going through a stressful time at work (he is) He thinks it's no biggie and didn't realise I would mind as I am quite liberal about porn.hmm

TheTantrumCometh Thu 03-Nov-16 12:58:03

So he's wasted money and you've had to clean up his mess?

To be honest, just using the webcams would be enough for me to leave (we have discussed my views and DH knows that porn use is a line crossed for me, and he has agreed, so it wouldn't be an out of the blue thing), but to leave his mess for you to clean shows a complete and utter lack of respect for you as a human and the other people who may/may not live in your house.

honesthelp Thu 03-Nov-16 13:00:07

I'm not sure * Simonne*, he has paid £25 for 4 different nights so I can't be sure what that involves...but he seemed pretty satisfied.

honesthelp Thu 03-Nov-16 13:03:13

Yes tantrum I think that's what's upset me - cleaning up his shit and also he did it while we(children) were all asleep upstairs.

Humblebee1 Thu 03-Nov-16 13:05:32


Simonneilsbeard Thu 03-Nov-16 13:06:18

I'd be asking him just what the fuck he's getting for £25 a go!
I agree with tantrum, leaving you to clean up his mess just smacks of utter contempt for you.

OnceMoreIntoTheBleach Thu 03-Nov-16 13:07:06

flowers OP.

I think you need to work out where your line is. For me, this would be akin to visiting a lap dancer, which I wouldn't accept. But it's very personal what you will and won't tolerate.

honesthelp Thu 03-Nov-16 13:09:36

I haven't been able to do anything today. I just think the Internet and the accessibility to porn and then where that can lead to quite quickly is making me feel sick.

Bluntness100 Thu 03-Nov-16 13:09:48

Yeah, I wouldn't be ok with that either, dunno what you're going to do about it though. It's better than being unfaithful and I guess lots of men do it.

legotits Thu 03-Nov-16 13:20:19

Web cam girls.
He has either had a private show or joined a group.
They watch the woman perform live while they interact through voice or text chat.

He pays his money, the woman chats and follows instructions from him.

For 'special' performances, I. E. Pissing or enormous dido in rectum, they group up (10x men x £25)
It isn't watching pre recorded video or general porn.
Prostitution by proxy.

That's a real woman who he is interacting with.

Don't minimise it.
If you are fine and cool with it, brilliant.
It's no small matter.

TheNaze73 Thu 03-Nov-16 13:22:00

It is terrible behaviour on his part

honesthelp Thu 03-Nov-16 13:23:32

Shit I didn't realise they group with other men to get more stuff. I innocently thought she probably just did a strip for him. Wanker

honesthelp Thu 03-Nov-16 13:25:09

I just don't know whether to leave or not

AttilaTheMeerkat Thu 03-Nov-16 13:28:31

If there is no trust now, there is really no relationship. He has and continues to minimise his actions. He is also not above blaming you either by saying that you are quite liberal about porn.

honesthelp Thu 03-Nov-16 14:02:09

He keeps calling and texting from work saying that I am knocking his character and there are loads of things that I do that annoy him etc. He wants to know why I don't just drop it and stop running him down. He said he won't do it again. Would you just drop it and let it go?

legotits Thu 03-Nov-16 14:10:53

Would I fuck.

To me this would as bad as him popping to a brothel three times a month.
In fact worse.
Because cam can be done on a mobile phone so he could tell me he is having a shit and be at it.

It makes no difference what we would do though.

What do you think about it?

Simonneilsbeard Thu 03-Nov-16 14:12:02

No we I wouldn't drop or let it go ..he wants you to let it go because is easier for him!
He's a tool!

Simonneilsbeard Thu 03-Nov-16 14:12:35

I not *we

honesthelp Thu 03-Nov-16 14:16:19

Yes but you can't divorce someone break up a family over it surely? I just don't see what I can do - counselling?

He went to work today and said I was making him depressed and he felt ill. He can't understand why I would want to drag it out anymore - it's been 2 days.

legotits Thu 03-Nov-16 14:25:47

Forget what he wants.
No one cares about that.

Can you stay married to someone who does this and then shuts you down when you try to talk?

Do a little research and see what exactly he has bought.
What it was exactly he needed because he was stressed.

He didn't come back from a Prague stag do and confess to a drunk night with a prostitute.
He was Caught and owned up, minimally.

Take the camera away. Would you be OK that someone performed for him in your home whilst he had a wanker?

legotits Thu 03-Nov-16 14:26:18

Wank not er.

Although he is.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now