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His temper..

(11 Posts)
TooGood2BeFalse Wed 02-Nov-16 20:35:21

Hi all,

Far too exhausted to name change, anyone that would like to advance search etc. more than welcome. Despite the odd post of positivity, the theme is still the same.

Have been with DH for nearly 6 years. He has a complicated past, very anxious, very disorganised, has been imprisoned for selling weed (albeit 20 years ago).

He has a terrible temper.His family tell me that I have 'made him a man' because he is 'so much better now' but the truth is I can't breathe. We had a son in 2012, due to the fact my 7 year old has severe autism, DH became literally obsessed with DS having it too. I took him EVERYWHERE to see if he needed support, always told adenoids pressing on Eustacian tubes(which he had surgery for) and speech delay.

Now at nearly 5, he is being assessed for 'mild Aspergers' (aware term is now old fashioned, I live in Cyprus). I haven't told DH. As awful as this is, I'm scared of the shouting, throwing things, the nastiness of his words. He is a negligent parent, and has while drunk referred to my son as 'spastic' 'idiot' etc. He blows just as hot and cold with DS as he does me.

I left him for a year, had enough of DS beng stressed suspected drug abuse. DH went to anger management, 'appeared' to make huge strides, we tried again because stupidly I loved him. He became a hands on dad, made so much effort and I thought things had changed.

I should add, I am the breadwinner..he makes little money at a part time job and I also support his mother who doesn't work.

3 months after trying to fix things...we had sex once, whilst with contraception. DS number 2 is 4months old.

He 's now out as and when he wants, belittles me, ignored DS2 for first 3 months of life, wouldnt help me with either of the boys. I am trying to stop my anxiety that started after my mum died of cancer 3 years ago, was so traumatic. She was only 55.When I got back from hospital, he went to the pub.He was late for her funeral and turned up drunk.Horrific.

But because this is my first real relationship, I was 23 when we got together, he 's 11 years older -I've fucked up. I know I have. So naive, so stupid.

In the past month, he has smashed my phone, grabbed me, pinned arms behind my back, still leaving me to deal with a young baby and a challenging 4 year old completely alone, trashed our home etc.etc.

But I feel so guilty that I haven't admitted the truth abut our first son's potential special needs.I said he was wrong..and he wasn't. I am so scared of his anger that I just can't. I really want to leave but am scared how bad it will get.

Please someone talk sense into me. I'm no angel, but he is like no one I've ever met before. So charming and loving when he wants to be, but the other side is hell and everything I do makes him mad.

Any posting reply delays will be due to said boys sleeping next door. Thank u for reading if u managed it.

TooGood2BeFalse Wed 02-Nov-16 20:36:41

WAIT -due to the fact my 7 YEAR OLD NEPHEW, has severe autism!sorry

Simonneilsbeard Wed 02-Nov-16 21:31:55

Get away from this man, get your children far far away from this man. I don't have any other advice for you apart from that! If you were my friend or my daughter that's exactly what I'd be saying..he's abusing you and you don't even seem to realise that.
He's called your son a spastic? He is vile!!

doji Wed 02-Nov-16 21:41:55

You've left once, you can again. You know this is not a good environment for your sons to be in. Focus on protecting them from this man's temper and awful behaviour - you can give them a much better childhood if you leave. The short term pain will be worth it to see them happy and secure away from him.

mortgagefreesoon5 Thu 03-Nov-16 13:28:45

Please phone/contact women's aid. Also make sure you delete your browser history. This man, and I am using the term losely, is an abuser and a manipulator.
The good news is that you are able to make a living in your own. You are strong and you are starting to see him for what he really is. Your children and you deserve better.
Don't let his family tell you how much better he is ( making you feel you cant leave him). You are not responsible for him or his actions. You cant change him. You don't owe him anything
Also you haven't ruin your life, your life is ahead of you, you are very young!
Get a good close nit network and prepare for the battle. The man is a first class asshole

legotits Thu 03-Nov-16 13:33:48


Don't give him anymore opportunity to wear you down.


AttilaTheMeerkat Thu 03-Nov-16 13:34:48

What womens services are available to you in Cyprus?.

Abusers are nice sometimes and can appear as charm personified to those in the outside world.

You left him once, you can leave him again and this time not make the mistake of going back to him for more abuse. And you should because this is no life for you or your children; your H has not changed one iota.

RunRabbitRunRabbit Thu 03-Nov-16 13:37:33

You left once, you can leave again. This time minimal contact and dont get back with him when he pretends to change.

Flumpsnlumpsnstuff Thu 03-Nov-16 13:50:10

Pack a bag and leave, never ever look back. You are worth so much more than this and so are your Dc's

Flumpsnlumpsnstuff Thu 03-Nov-16 13:50:34

Pack a bag and leave, never ever look back. You are worth so much more than this and so are your Dc's

uglyswan Thu 03-Nov-16 14:14:00

OP, can you contact SPAVO (Association for the Prevention and
Handling of Violence in the Family) for advice and support? Call 1440 for an appointment. You really must leave as a matter of urgency.

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