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What percentage of women are unhappy in their current relationship/marriage?

(40 Posts)
noego Wed 02-Nov-16 19:24:20

Talking to a school mum today and she reckons that 80% of women at the school collecting their kids are unhappy. Don't know if I actually believe it is that high. She also reckons that in 2nd marriages/LTR's its higher than that. Anybody got any actual facts?

Myusernameismyusername Wed 02-Nov-16 19:26:50

I would have thought that 2nd time you had more chance of making a better decision

I don't have stats or anything and am not in a proper relationship at this current time so am not unhappy myself

noego Wed 02-Nov-16 19:33:23

Spoke to my DS tonight regarding this and she tells me that 8 out 10 friends that she knows who have left 1st hubby to go into 2nd marriage have regrets and that they believe they made a mistake. The grass isn't greener its only brown. This is knocking me side wards. Can it be true????

jules179 Wed 02-Nov-16 19:34:01

I think that the number of unhappy married people is pretty high. 80% is probably in the ball park for people I know. I think that of the people I know people in 2nd marriages/LTR are less unhappy as presumably its easier for them to get out - either because they aren't married or they have already done it once.

jules179 Wed 02-Nov-16 19:35:23

I think that its less likely to lead to unhappiness if you leave a marriage because you would rather be single and then meet someone else rather than trying to swap one man for another.

TheNaze73 Wed 02-Nov-16 19:42:08

jules is spot on.

I don't see how people can mentally adjust so quickly to someone else, it isn't right.

I reckon the figure of about 80% is right for both women & men

AxminsterCarpet Wed 02-Nov-16 21:37:19

80% sounds high but it's probably realistic.

Themanfrommancc Sat 05-Nov-16 08:10:49

But what about the unhappy men? If so many women are unhappy, why dont they end the relationship? I think for many, they just get a man, use him and then when he has served his purpose, they just let him hang around to pay bills and do diy !

loveyogalovelife Sat 05-Nov-16 08:18:04

No idea but all of my close friends continue to be very happy after average 10 years of marriage and I'm madly in love with mine... grin... advantage of refusing to compromise, waiting I met my soulmate and getting married later than most. But we are struggling to have children as I am a little older than him, which makes us sad.

PoundingTheStreets Sat 05-Nov-16 09:01:10

Isn't the table of happiness something like:
Single women
Married men
Married women
Single men

Nottalotta Sat 05-Nov-16 09:41:29

That's lovely to read loveyoga good luck with the ttc, I started late, and it took a while but had ds last year and rapidly pregnant again.

As for the stats, I have no idea. Not happy myself. Don't know how to end it really.

hareOrRabbit Sat 05-Nov-16 11:21:57

I think that's probably right. if not 80% then v high.

most women I know with children are unhappy -the reasons vary (amount of grunt labour involved, loss of freedom, financial pressures of children,fear dh is having an affair or will, lack of dh support, behaviour of dh,conflicted about working, conflicted about being sahm and so on).

but overall single women seem much happier to be honest.apart from the occasional 'think I will die alone' wobble life is much simpler and happier.

and plenty of people w spouses and children die alone anyway ...left in a care home or widowed and alone.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks Sat 05-Nov-16 11:25:54

I wonder what percentage of married women who don't have children are unhappy?

flopsypopsymopsy Sat 05-Nov-16 11:48:50

I am much happier married than when I was young, free and single.

Trills Sat 05-Nov-16 11:54:00

I don't think it's really possible for anybody to have actual facts.

Why does your friend think this? Is she unhappy herself, and using everyone is unhappy and people who leave are still not happy as a reason not to do anything about her unhappiness?

Fi7823 Sat 05-Nov-16 11:54:28

The same percentage as men I would imagine!

Let's face it once the initial lust stage wears off and kids come along, marriage is dull for most of the time!

Dadaist Sat 05-Nov-16 11:59:48

I think they say the first thirty years of marriage are the worst! Lol
I suppose second marriages can fall because once you've been through and come out of the other side of a first marriage, there may less reason to think that vows can't be broken or that divorce is not an option?

Halfapintofshandy Sat 05-Nov-16 13:40:32

I am much happier married than when I was young, free and single.

Interesting you chose to use the word free there then!!!

The same percentage as men I would imagine!

I doubt this. Statistically, married men are consistently shown in surveys to be the second happiest category (single women are top).

A typical dynamic remains that in a family the women is the primary child carer (obviously not in all families but it remains v common) and the woman often also takes responsibility for "running" the house day to day - cooking, cleaning (or hiring & organising the cleaning/nanny) and so forth. SAHF are less common than SAHM - so a MM is far more likely to have more freedom - "meeting after work" actually = "drinks after work".

Plus MM due to more work opportunities are also more likely to have affairs - which if kept concealed can = a very happy MM (ie. lots of sex with a new partner + security of family and wife at home).

So I would completely disagree that the % of unhappy men in marriages is likely to be the same as % of unhappy women. Plus as I said - statistically not borne out.

TowerRingInferno Sat 05-Nov-16 14:32:28

Based on conversations with my closest friends - most!

keepingonrunning Sat 05-Nov-16 15:43:01

I agree with Halfapint

Theman Women will very often put up with no end of shit in a relationship, including abuse, rather than end it because they are led to believe in the two-parent ideal for their DC. They have often also been raised with the expectation that women are the emotional caretakers of relationships and will hold out hope for years that things will get better, if only they jumped through x number of hoops/could find a way to make H be more considerate/had more counselling/were more understanding/ratcheted things up in the bedroom/read more self-help books. If so many women are unhappy, why dont they end the relationship? You will find that in the majority of cases it is the woman who ends the relationship. Two thirds of divorces are initiated by wives.
You sound bitter. I suspect that it is much more frequently the case that when he has served his purpose, they just let him hang around in the desperate hope he will step up and play an active loving part in the family so that both partners and DC can be happy and content together.

keepingonrunning Sat 05-Nov-16 15:48:30

Quote from Telegraph article, "Why do women initiate divorce more than men?"
"Many men will have thought to themselves, at least once in life: “I won’t break up with her, I’ll just be a complete tool until she ends it”. The divorce stats are perhaps just a reflection of the fact that men are cowards. Women are more likely to have the balls to call time on a failing relationship; men are more likely to simply wait to be told that it’s over." 08/10/13
Written by male journalist if it's relevant.

TheNaze73 Sat 05-Nov-16 16:16:44

I agree keeping

Men don't have the kahuna's sometimes, hence the affairs or provocative behaviour to put the decision on someone else. Sad really

BartholinsSister Sat 05-Nov-16 16:17:22

I've seen it before where an unhappily married man will stay in a dead marriage because to leave will compromise his involvement with his children.

Myusernameismyusername Sat 05-Nov-16 16:20:57

My ex would have stayed with me so he didn't lose the house and kids even though we were not happy

Mamatallica Sat 05-Nov-16 16:32:16

I couldn't afford to get divorced, I don't want to have to force our friends to take sides and most of all, I could never put DS through it. His happiness is worth more than mine. Not many people are genuinely happy imo and my marriage could be worse I guess. I made a commitment and I'm sticking with it, people quit too easily and the children always suffer.

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