Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Moving in together?

(13 Posts)
ALikelyStory Wed 02-Nov-16 17:48:12


I have been a single parent to my daughter who is four, pretty much since she was conceived (partner had an affair and left me), she has very little contact with her father. I left with nothing,moved nearer to my family and started again.
So much so I am now a student nurse, I have recently started my second year.

Myself and my new partner haven't been together all that long (6 months >) we are aware it is for the long term, he's great with my daughter. We currently split our time between two houses, he has no children.
We know we want to live together, as running two homes is a nightmare. He owns his home, in a bordering county and is in the forces on a fixed contract. I however rent in the south east which is very expensive, I have little help with my daughter and my childcare bill is 1k a month.

We have looked into us moving to be with him, I would loose some income but it would balance out when daughter starts school.
the conundrum is if we want to do it, I will need to move in Feb, and start my second year again at the uni close to him.

there are no third year transfers, so if we go after I'd have to redo another year or I would have to stay where I am for 22Months until I qualify which is a time when realistically we would like to be married and moving forwards.

It seems silly for him to live here, commute and rent when he has a little mortgage.
It's just whether it's so soon, or I am crazy.
It would help in respect daughter could go straight to school rather than moving out after a year which I didn't want to do as she would be established.

Any ideas or thoughts pleSe?

Many thanks

Sent from my iPad using Netmumss*

Sent from my iPad using Netmumss*

Simonneilsbeard Wed 02-Nov-16 18:16:30

6 months is a ridiculously short time to be considering moving in with someone when there's children involved.
I'm sorry I can't really offer you any other advice and I'm sure there will be people who will tell you it's grand! Personally I think it's bonkers ..I didn't even introduce my children to my partner before 6 months. Obviously that's just my opinion and what worked for me

RunRabbitRunRabbit Wed 02-Nov-16 18:57:13

Do not move. Do not stall your studies.

You have a child. You have been dating him for about six months. Yet, you are thinking about moving in, planning wedding dates. Bloody hell alikely just no, stay as you are until you graduate.

TheNaze73 Wed 02-Nov-16 19:32:30

You would be crackers to even consider it after 6 months.

How are you aware it's for the long term, there are countless posts on here about people rushing in & confusing lust with love. Just don't make the some mistakes as countless others have

Look at your post as an outsider looking in... You're going to do all this with someone you weren't even with in April of this year????

Costacoffeeplease Wed 02-Nov-16 19:39:17

Stay and finish your course, don't chuck everything in for a man you've known for a matter of months - what will you do if it all goes wrong?

Myusernameismyusername Wed 02-Nov-16 19:43:31

I just commented on a similar thread about meeting a new man and my tragic story about where it all went so wrong, he ended up stealing a ton of money not paying the bills and I ended up homeless. He also cheated on me repeatedly. Anyway I hadn't known him long enough and it's too big a risk. I'm sorry I know it sounds more practical but it's not really very practical for anything other than financially. You need to give this longer to develop

Marmalade85 Wed 02-Nov-16 20:20:14

You would be absolutely insane to do any of this for someone you have been with for 6 months.

hermione2016 Wed 02-Nov-16 20:33:35

Honestly you really cannot be sure it's for the long term.6 months everyone is on best cannot know what he is like on a range of issues, irrespective of what he says.

I would say your timetable for finishing studies is just about right.
Rushing this for financial reasons is crazy. You risk the whole setup you have now which seems so positive.

ImperialBlether Wed 02-Nov-16 20:35:44

Another one here who thinks you'd be crazy to move in with someone after knowing him such a short time. You could wreck your life doing that, OP.

Lunar1 Wed 02-Nov-16 20:38:50

Why the hell has he even met her yet? It's been 6 months, finish your training, slow things down. If it's going to last then what's the problem with taking some time and protecting your daughter.

BackforGood Wed 02-Nov-16 20:42:42

Same I'm afraid.
It's not just moving in, it's moving in ^with your dd' and moving away from where you live and losing a year of your studies. I can't believe you are seriously thinking of doing this. You are still in the 'honeymoon period'.
If he's in the forces, what would you do when he's deployed?
If (and it's a big if) you do move in sooner, then why doesn't he come to you ? If he's in the forces he is transient anyway.

twattymctwatterson Wed 02-Nov-16 21:17:45

Sorry OP I agree with PPs. I get it, your ex was a shit and this guy seems amazing but it's frightening that you are thinking of moving in together and even talking about marriage so fast. He might well end up being the love of your life but think of how tough it was to start again with nothing and rebuild your life. Do you really want to go through that again?

AttilaTheMeerkat Wed 02-Nov-16 21:26:50

You barely know each other still. Do not move nor jack in your course for this man.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now