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Is sex different/not as good after child birth?

(31 Posts)
TheNewWife Wed 02-Nov-16 07:46:50

Apologies this should prob be under the Sex category but I've not been a part of MN for 90 days yet as only joined when I found out I was pregnant - currently 16w + 2. Anyways....
Pregnancy going v well, my only concern is my sex life afterwards. I've heard from a few that it's 'not the same afterwards'. In what way? Sensations less? Like chucking a sausage up an alleyway?
My DH and I already have differing sex drives - he's once (maybe twice) a week, I'm every other day if I could so I'm worried he'll want to do it even less if my lady garden takes a hammering. My DM says she kept hers intact by performing her Kegels religiously so now I'm squeezing them as often as I remember!

Hughpughbarneymagrew Wed 02-Nov-16 07:54:03

I'm not up for it at all (bf hormones causing this I hope) and it's painful when we do. DS is 9 months.

Mozfan1 Wed 02-Nov-16 07:54:21

Ummmmm it will be fine. Just don't try to do anything too soon after birth,give yourself time to recover. Mine went back to normal after 6/8 weeks, hence why I got pregnant again 3 months after the birth. And anyway, if your dh has a problem with any changes in your vagina or vulva, he needs to get a grip

kipkipkip Wed 02-Nov-16 07:57:27

My bajingo certainly looks different, an episiotomy will do that, but sex feels the same! Not initially, but good now.

DashboardLightParadise Wed 02-Nov-16 07:58:41

It's not as good as in you don't have the same amount of energy, less time, as they get older sometimes you can feel a bit touched out for sex and less tine to do it as they get more aware.

Physically wise it was only since having dc I could orgasm through penetrative sex so not all bad at all wink

Stillwishihadabs Wed 02-Nov-16 08:00:34

My dh says he honestly can't feel a difference (2 vaginal births 1 episiotomy)anyway sex at 40 might be different from sex at 27. Tbh these days it's not the body, it's the crazy schedule and teen demands that put the kibosh on it.

spicyfajitas Wed 02-Nov-16 08:07:38

It's better for me. It seemed to open up lots of nerve pathways that weren't there before.

UnoriginalNN Wed 02-Nov-16 08:09:55

It's the same for me. Took me a while to gear myself up to do it again for the first time though!

Ellarose85 Wed 02-Nov-16 08:11:45

I've not climaxed since having my DCs, it's still early days so I'm holding out hope!

TheVeryHungryDieter Wed 02-Nov-16 08:12:33

Better orgasms and DH says it doesn't feel any different. But I feel more discomfort in certain positions and like everything has been twisted up inside so some angles feel painful or uncomfortable now.

Catdogcat Wed 02-Nov-16 08:14:22

It's the same for me, we started againonce my lochia stopped 2 weeks after birth. Now at 17 weeks we're more or less exactly the same as before (depending on how DD is each night).

The first couple of times were tighter and slightly more tender for me but we just went slowly and used lube.

However, I had a very straightforward vaginal birth with no tears or episiotomy which I'm sure made a difference.

Catdogcat Wed 02-Nov-16 08:15:19

Also I'd strongly recommend antenatal pilates, I think it's really helped my pelvic floor.

Fluffsnuts Wed 02-Nov-16 08:21:16

Awful, just awful. DH hasn't noticed a different though.

My vag looks different, a friend described hers pre-birth as being like a porch with the porch doors closed, now it looks as though the porch doors are open. Totally true!

It feels very different for me, things seem to have moved and I don't orgasm as easily (regardless of method).

I also have no sex drive (hoping that's the bfing though) and pain when we do do it, though that is slowly improving.

TheNewWife Wed 02-Nov-16 08:39:25

**had to go and Google Lochia- can you tell I'm a first time mum to be?! confused
Thanks to you all for your honesty and for replying. I'll look into antenatal Pilates too

AntiqueSinger Wed 02-Nov-16 09:46:13

My pre-birth vag was just like a poster said up thread. Like porch doors that were closed and for me I was tighter. Now the porch is open. Hate saying it, sounds like some awful male chauvinistic, woman hating adage, but I remember being so tight before that if Dh was too eager and didn't prepare me properly it would genuinely hurt. Now whether I'm prepared or not its relatively easy. I feel 'looser' But I'm also older now and Dh says he feels no difference. But it bothers me, I'd like the same level of sensation back. Also I had an episiotomy and it affected some of the nerves in that region, which tend to get more painful than pleasurable if stimulated. Kegels don't appear to do much for me. Definitely do the Pilates and get your hormones checked if you have issues with drive afterwards.

MariposaUno Wed 02-Nov-16 10:21:40

It was definitely different and looser but over the years it's tightened back up thankfully and frankly glad its not as tight as beforeblush,Core exercising and kegels all the way. But don't rush it after the birth there's plenty time

Myusernameismyusername Wed 02-Nov-16 10:55:04

Age and hormones gives you an entire new set of issues regardless of childbirth but possibly along side!
Bacterial vaginosis after having the mirena coil was my fave angry
Pregnancy ruined my bladder quite a lot so it can hurt if the angles aren't quite right!

TheNewWife Wed 02-Nov-16 15:31:06

Cheers all!
I defo won't rush into anything , maybe when sleep deprived I won't even be bothered but feeling reassured that, on the whole, it's the same. I was really worried about it!

gunting Wed 02-Nov-16 15:35:58

My bits were completely numb for about 6m after confused

Seem a bit better now a year on but still not right.

Ketsby Wed 02-Nov-16 16:04:35

4 years on, nerves still dead. Doctor, hospital, all the checks, all the tests, deemed 'fine', no continence issues, but frankly I can't feel a thing.

If I was celeb-rich I'd do that, whajamicallit, laser thing? But I'm not, so I'm very depressed about it instead.

mrschatty Wed 02-Nov-16 16:07:53

Hi op

No different at all for me and dh. Probably better because we're not ttc tbh! Congratulations on your pregnancy flowers remember pelvic floor excersises!

Gildedcage Wed 02-Nov-16 16:29:23

Obviously it won't be the same as before but I never had any issue getting back to dtd which some people report.

Frankly it's better for me I definitely have far better sensation now. I'D probably like to tighten everything up but keep the sensation that I have now.

Make sure your doing your exercises now and once baby is born. I had a excellent midwife who made a massive deal out if it. Enjoy your new baby because believe me it flies by.

AntiqueSinger Wed 02-Nov-16 17:01:23

Post birth sexual issues in women don't seem to be talked about much do they? I wonder why? Premature ejaculation and impotence in men is given loads of coverage and attention. I remember driving with DH through Florida and seeing these big advertising boards offering help for men suffering with P.E. and Impotence. Plus constant Viagra adverts. The disparity in acknowledgment is huge. And there seems to be little help available on the NHS for women either. So without a big celeb budget there's not much you can do if you have complications like a total lack of sensation, years later.

TheNewWife Wed 02-Nov-16 19:10:57

I have an appt with my obstetrician this coming Sunday so maybe I should have a chat with her? There's a leaflet in the waiting room of her clinic about the laser thingymajiggy, maybe I'll have a nosey at that too.
Ketsby sad is there absolutely nothing else your gp/gynae can suggest/try?
Thanks again to all who replied

wowbutter Wed 02-Nov-16 19:18:35

I had a section and it took years to feel normal again.

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