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Ex DH has really upset me.....

(343 Posts)
Severino Mon 31-Oct-16 22:32:58

I separated from DH at Christmas time. There was a lot of financial stuff and EA and it's been a tough year (he is nice one minute then vile the next) but definitely the right thing for us all long term.
This week he told me has met someone else. I'm fine with that, pleased actually as maybe he will stop hassling me a bit. But tonight he just sent me a text 'for my own good - for future relationships' saying I should have my Labia cut back as it's such a turn off, men hate it and he wishes he'd told me even before we got married. For some reason this has completely floored me, I feel so upset. Of course I know I'm not the most attractive down there but to me a loving relationship goes way beyond that kind of thing? Maybe it's not as nice for men as a neat one, but surely we all come in different shapes and sizes and no one is perfect and we accept and love our partners for how they are. I would never have a cosmetic operation such as that anyway but I just feel so humiliated that he has spelt it out to me. I actually am not looking for another relationship at all but I feel he has totally sullied the final aspect of the relationship we had. Everything else was crap, now it seems the sex was too.

Myusernameismyusername Mon 31-Oct-16 22:36:20

That is one of the most cruel things I have seen on here, what a vile man. I really felt for you reading that.

I can honestly promise you that he's just said this to be an utter wanker and there is nothing wrong with you. We are all shapes and sizes who is to say what's wrong and right? Please don't let this bother you - he's a silly pathetic man who can only feel happy when he is being cruel


Fibbertigibbet Mon 31-Oct-16 22:37:28

There is nothing wrong with your labia, but there is everything wrong with his attitude! Someone who is in a loving and respectful relationship with you won't give two shiny shits about what size and shape your labia are, he is horrible and you are well rid.

Toomuchbooty Mon 31-Oct-16 22:39:06

What a vile man!!

I can say with almost 100% certainty that most men will have seen such things in all shapes and sizes and not bat an eyelid. And although it's a cliche the right man will love you no matter what!

He is obviously a deeply damaged individual to say something like that and the one and only reason he will have done it is to make you feel like he has, don't give him the satisfaction! flowers

Starlight2345 Mon 31-Oct-16 22:39:17

Ignore.. it is simply another attempt to lower your self confidence .. I have never considered how my bits look in comparison to other women..

pictish Mon 31-Oct-16 22:40:04

Fucking hell...just...what a know? That's just about as low as it gets. He is still emotionally abusing you.
I hope you didn't respond.

If you do it should be with, "Fuck off. Another message like that and I'll call the police you fucking weirdo."

SpongeBobJudgeyPants Mon 31-Oct-16 22:40:24

That is vile of him. And since when did he know about all men's preferences? He's being an arse. If you ever need to think of only one reason you are well out of this relationship, this is it. flowers xx

Severino Mon 31-Oct-16 22:40:35

Thank you so much . That's what I thought too. For some reason it just totally upset me. I needed to hear it is simply him being cruel. If that is what he truly believes then I am even more glad I am shot of him

Myusernameismyusername Mon 31-Oct-16 22:41:34

See me, I would instantly want to send him some god awful photo of something off the Internet and celebrate my giant labia by making my own tshirts and a website but then I have a very sarcastic sense of humour

FlapsTie Mon 31-Oct-16 22:41:40

Jesus. I'd be tempted to post a screenshot of it on his FB wall so all his friends can see what a nasty, woman hating cunt he is.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants Mon 31-Oct-16 22:42:24

It's upsetting because it's so nasty, and unecessary.

bluecashmere Mon 31-Oct-16 22:42:28

He has said this to assert his control and to try and make sure you don't feel comfortable moving on to new sexual partners. It has nothing to do with your anatomy and everything to do with trying to give you a massive head fuck. Don't let him win.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants Mon 31-Oct-16 22:43:44

And I think it's hard to believe someone you were once married to can want to hurt you in this way. Sounds like new woman has really got a prize. Not!

Cherylene Mon 31-Oct-16 22:44:01

That is so unnecessary that he must have been saving it up. He must be losing his grip.

What a vile man.

You have so done the right thing.

teachergirl2011 Mon 31-Oct-16 22:44:07

Oh dear god really?? How cruel. I think we all look like chopped liver down there!
What an arse! Ignore him he's trying to have some power over you x

Bluntness100 Mon 31-Oct-16 22:45:06

Omg, what an absolutely awful thing to text you. There is nothing wrong with you, There is no norm, And it didn't bother him did it, in fact he liked him enough that he married uou and wanted to have sex with you. other men will feel the same.

He's trying to hurt you, and in the cruelest way possible. Text him back he needs to go for penis enlargement surgery for his own good, and have his testicles hiked up a bit as they hang too low for most women's tastes. That you wish you'd said something when you were together, even before you were married.

UnsuccessfullyAdulting Mon 31-Oct-16 22:45:16

What a fucking horrible piece of shit.
Ignore him. Nasty, vile cunt.
This has made me irrationally angry. OP - genitals are not supposed to be delightful to look at. They are for sexual enjoyment and reproductive purposes. Your ExDh is a proper wanker. And you should ignore the shit out of him or tell him his tiny willy smells of knob cheese

StrawberryMouse Mon 31-Oct-16 22:45:26

OP there must be something very very wrong with him to send something so cruel and personal in an unsolicited message like that. It reflects entirely on him and not you that he would say these things. Ignore him totally, he is not worth any more of your time and find a man of the world who is not so precious and disturbed by women's bodies. grin

Longdistance Mon 31-Oct-16 22:45:59

Tell him you'll get your labia done, if he gets a personality transplant first.

Tell him your labia is none of his fucking business now. But, a fuck off should suffice.

gettingtherequickly Mon 31-Oct-16 22:46:13

He's a massive, massive bastard.

How dare he? angry

Deliberately trying to hurt you and make you sensitive to new relationships.

On the plus side you are well rid of him.

StrawberryMouse Mon 31-Oct-16 22:47:23

I would also be very childishly tempted to reply that you'd had no complaints so far with a grin.

lizzieoak Mon 31-Oct-16 22:47:42

There's a certain kind of abuser who, when they meet someone new, feel compelled to tell the first partner how the new one is the best thing since sliced bread. Better in every single way. This is just a particularly hurtful take on that. You are very well rid. What a useless prick.

CocktailQueen Mon 31-Oct-16 22:47:48

What an absolute cockwomble. So his penis and bollocks are perfect, huh?? No matter what your genitalia look like, he is just being a bastard. Pay no attention at all, op. Just be glad you're free of the nob.

timelytess Mon 31-Oct-16 22:48:24

The only reason to amend your labia is that it is causing pain - I read somewhere that some people have real problems with theirs.

Otherwise, anyone who is privileged to get to know your intimate parts should mind their feckin' manners.

LouisvilleLlama Mon 31-Oct-16 22:49:29

I think that's quite cuntish to be honest OP! I would try not to worry about it but then there was a thread just a couple weeks ago with 100s of replies I think it even went in to classics talking about women dumping guys mostly for their dicks!

Yes your ex and he was abusive just put it down to that!

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