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Rising above it all...How??

(14 Posts)
RolfsBabyGrand Mon 31-Oct-16 22:27:19

Cheating ex is living with OW, in fact they got engaged 2 months after we split. We've now been Separated 6 months and I realise I'm so much better off, I was pretty miserable with him and I was becoming resentful and frutrated as a result. I feel happy and free now.

My current difficulty is:
1) Ex seems to want to keep me on the boil - so he tells me he loves me, tries it on, hints at problems in their relationship. I've told him to stop as it's disrespectful and I've moved on, but he seems to not know how else to act. I only see him every fortnight due to DC but it's bloody draining. Yesterday he was in tears, however he goes home to plan their wedding - so it's all crocodile tears. I don't want a hateful relationship, I want to be happy people parenting in partnership - seems like I am asking for the moon on a stick.

2) The OW seems to have a vendetta against me. We did exchange some harsh words when it all kicked off but I left it there. She still messages me and prevents ex from coming round to see our DC at any time other than his fortnightly access - I've said he's welcome during the week but no not allowed. When he does drop off she rings and rings. Clearly she is feeling insecure - rightly so really given his cheating history and attempts to try it on - but I could do without the drama.

I'm trying to ignore all this but it's bloody hard. Why are people such freaks???

Myusernameismyusername Mon 31-Oct-16 22:30:39

Block OW from your life for a start!
And with him, just give him the cold dead eyed smile and close the door on him.
You kind of need to get out of their little sad web of game playing and being deadly impassive (although not inside and vent here) will work a treat - and feel good!

Myusernameismyusername Mon 31-Oct-16 22:31:50

He's getting off on it that's why. All that cake and he wants to lie in it and wiggle about

Toomuchbooty Mon 31-Oct-16 22:34:36

I wonder if your ex is also my ex!

This is a special breed of man and they will never ever change! I went through years of twoing and froing with my ex who was exactly the same, I finally realised that I didn't need to save him or have a responsibility to make him feel better and I was absolutely harsh with him, I stopped pandering to him completely, which is hard to do when your instinct when someone is upset, especially the father of your child, is to help them and nurture them, but it worked! He got the message and he doesn't even bother anymore

As for the other woman, by the sounds of his nature I can't imagine you'll have to worry about her too much longer!

garlicandsapphire Mon 31-Oct-16 22:44:12

Jeez what an arse your X is. You are well rid. Him and OW are tied into a hellish knot of poison - dont get dragged into their poison. I would prevent your XH having time to talk to you - its manipulative and pathetic and designed to keep you both in a relationship of some sort of another. I'm surprised you give him the time to say such crap - just cut him short and get him out of the way. Just hand over your DC, exchange only essential info and leave it at that.

Wash that man right out of your hair girl and ignore the OW - dont get dragged into her crap either. Fuck em and choose your new life. Moving on!

TheNaze73 Mon 31-Oct-16 23:27:50

The ow sounds as poisonous as him. Block her.

RunRabbitRunRabbit Tue 01-Nov-16 00:10:09

Get someone else to do the handover. You hide in the kitchen.

DamePastel Tue 01-Nov-16 08:03:31

Sounds a nightmare.

Maybe think of something in your past, where passions ran high at the time and the need to put forward your side/defence was immense and irresistible but now you wish you had not bothered. I have lots of these to draw on smile Channel it.

It's hard though. Rise above it. Ok, that's great, v helpful. I want to be HEARD

DamePastel Tue 01-Nov-16 08:06:04

PS, and dial back on welcoming your x to come to your house mid week.

That would have to be arranged in advance. You don't want to live in 'fear' that he could just show up any time. How can anybody ever move on when their x can show up any time to see the kids. Impossible.

Your home is not a drop in centre.

MrsBertBibby Tue 01-Nov-16 08:14:28

I'm sorry, I want to post something helpful but I can't get past the image of a grown man rolling in a bed of Mary Berry's best victoria sponge.

doji Tue 01-Nov-16 08:53:52

Google gray rock. It's a technique for dealing with narcissists (whether your ex/OW are I have no idea, but the lack of boundaries/dramatics might be pointers in that direction). basically gray rock is about cutting off the supply of drama so that they get bored and go elsewhere. Given this is all about the drama right now for them, the technique may at least help you disengage a bit.

Simonneilsbeard Tue 01-Nov-16 10:15:01

block them both from being able to contact you except for one separate email address that he uses to communicate about the children. That is all ..I would totally pull back all forms of contact. He's getting off on the entire thing and probably telling her all sorts of things about you so that she's insecure as well!
When he picks the dc's up he does so from the door and he takes them out, I wouldn't have him in your home because he clearly has no boundaries and you need to set some.
He's a twat! But you know this..stay strong x

RolfsBabyGrand Tue 01-Nov-16 18:00:14

Thanks everyone! Will look at gray rock.

I think I messed up in early days by letting him tell me about all his work, health problems and his talk of life being not worth living. I realise now I need to have zero relationship with him.

I'm blocking all ways of being exposed to her. Vile person. Wish she didn't spend time with DC it really bothers me - not that I'd let on, she'd love that.

He has definitely reported back to her on things I've said - can tell from her contact with me.

Cary2012 Tue 01-Nov-16 18:54:34

With a very soggy bottom no doubt, MrsBertBibby!

OP, set up firm boundaries with ex, only talk about kids.
Block/ignore OW.

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