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Can't stand my daughter's boyfriend.

(17 Posts)
KrispyKreme23 Mon 31-Oct-16 14:21:44

I love my daughter dearly and we get on really well but I can't stand her boyfriend. I used to like him but over the years he's messed her about, dumped her a few times, flirted with other women and in general been a total dick.

She works hard at school but he's lazy and I feel he drags her down.

I've never said what I thought as it's her choice and do my best to just encourage her to maintain her studies.

The trouble is, I now find it difficult to give him the time of day and she's now pulled me up on it as it makes him feel uncomfortable. She wants to know why I don't like him but I don't think she will take the truth very well so don't know what to say.

The thing is, I've seen all the tears and now I'm done. I don't treat my wife like this so shouldn't expect it from him either.

Not sure what to do so would appreciate some advice. Thanks.

KinkyAfro Mon 31-Oct-16 14:25:55

Over the years and she's still in school? How old is she and how long have they been together

KrispyKreme23 Mon 31-Oct-16 14:28:05

Two years. She's 16.

faffalotty Mon 31-Oct-16 14:32:47

Why don't you just tell her that you don't like how he's messed her about. Simple.

KrispyKreme23 Mon 31-Oct-16 14:46:05

It sounds so easy when you say it like that but she's 16 and prone to flying off the handle. I know that I have to talk to her at some stage but how do you sugar coat that you can't stand someone she loves?

faffalotty Mon 31-Oct-16 14:50:12

She says - why are you being off with X?
You say - because I love you and don't like how he's treated you

Or do you mean that you want to try and break them up?

Lemon12345 Mon 31-Oct-16 15:00:29

She's 16? How old is he?
over the years he's messed her about, dumped her a few times, flirted with other women and in general been a total dick.

Unless your 14 year old DD started dating a 20 year old I don't understand how he's flirting with other women. Surely he's a teenage lad too, similar age and flirting with other girls?
They are kids, give him a break! I would be amazed if at 14 she found herself a wonderful, grounded, responsible boy who had no issues with anything in life and stayed 100% loyal to her 100% of the time.

I'm not saying it's okay to mess your daughter around, but are you 100% sure she isn't also flirting with other 'men', she hasn't messed him around or sent any mixed signals.

And if you can't tell your DD that you think this boy hasn't treated her right in the past 2 years (over the years... LMAO) and that you don't think he's good enough for her and don't trust he won't hurt her again then what message is that sending your DC. It's okay to get fucked over by a 'man' and it's okay for men to not talk about their feelings and act rude.

QueenLizIII Mon 31-Oct-16 15:08:33

Im guessing he hasnt flirted with other women.....other schoolchildren perhaps from the ages of 14-16.

Say something to her. youth isnt an excuse to dump someone and come back multiple times.

If you let her think this is acceptable behaviour it will set her up for a lifetime of being a doormat.

she wont suddenly develop a backbone if she thinks this is ok now.

WalrusGumboot Mon 31-Oct-16 15:11:17

Be honest with her. Do you trust her to make good decisions? Maybe with her mum's support she'd feel more able to stand up to him?

leaveittothediva Mon 31-Oct-16 18:15:48

Ah, come on. Is this a wind up?. You must be joking. At this rate, by the time she's 21, you will be in therapy. I'm thinking she's a daddy's girl. If I'm right there is no man alive that you will approve of. How you treat your wife has nothing to to with this young man. If you think any relationship between a man and a woman is as idyllic, you may need to get out more.

AnyFucker Mon 31-Oct-16 18:28:37

I find it very odd that you are attributing such adult themes to a teenage "relationship"

Just out of interest, purely for my own curiosity, do you allow them to sleep together under your roof ?

TheEmojiFormerlyKnownAsPrince Mon 31-Oct-16 18:46:48

All sounds a bit dominant alpha male stuff to me. Don't all teenagers dump each other all the time? Snog other people? Isn't that what being a teenager is? Experimenting and trying things out.

They are not a committed couple, they are kids. Give him a break!

Ava7Susan Mon 14-Aug-17 01:24:31

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Aquamarine1029 Mon 14-Aug-17 02:41:34

Without making her feel stupid for being with him, tell her the full truth about how you feel about him. I would.

EveningShadows Mon 14-Aug-17 03:16:44

I went out with some quite undesirable (as far as my dad was concerned anyway!) boys when I was your DD's age - if my dad had told me what he thought I would have stayed with them just to annoy him because I was a 16 yr old girl trying to prove (a not very good!) point.

So I'm going to go against the grain here and say don't say anything, just ride it out and wait for the relationship to fizzle out as it inevitably will.

Hard to do though I'm sure.

verystressedmum Mon 14-Aug-17 03:30:55

I'd feel the same and I tell my dds that they should be respected by the person they are dating (as well they should be respectful).
Just because she's 16 doesn't mean she should stay with someone who messes her around because 'that's what teenagers do'.

verystressedmum Mon 14-Aug-17 03:31:52

Oh for gods sakes another zombie thread! angry

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