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Should I try to repair this friendship, and if so how?

(10 Posts)
maggiethemagpie Sun 30-Oct-16 22:03:22

Long, sorry

I've been friends with a woman, I'll call her Jane, for about 15 months. We became close friends quite quickly but more recently things took a dramatic turn for the worst.

I went away with Jane and her family, and we had a falling out. This ended quite dramatically with her and her husband shouting at me and the husband yelling at me to get out of where we were staying.

I ran off in floods of tears. I expected we'd talk about it later, and said to the husband that I'd like to do that, but this 'chat' then turned into Jane telling me off for shouting at her when I'd been drinkng. (she had also shouted at me when she was drinking, but I am beginning to think Jane is not one for apologies).

Anyway since then Jane has apologised but brushed over my side of things, and now turns it into this big joke (cos her hubby chased me across a field) and saying he will chase me again next time I'm 'naughty'.

Well it's not fucking funny. I've never been spoken to like that in my life, and when I did raise it Jim said' that's not the kind of thing I would have said', ie denied it had happened.

So now three months on I'm trying to move forward but there's all this underlying tension that makes the friendship feel different, the closeness has gone.

Jane is very dismissive if ever I try to raise it. I'm also beginning to think she's very inconsiderate. Eg, she took a fag out of my bag without asking. She was supposed to meet me and some other friends at 4pm yesterday and I phoned and texted her, but got no reply. She rocked up at 10pm...I don't live near her so as planning to meet her earlier and go for cocktails. But she did not respond to my text saying she'd changed her plans. I wasn't even sure if she was coming out at all.

Things got quite tense last night, we were at a party and I'd put a tune on and she started saying she didn't like it and trying to change it mid way through, I feel like she is provoking me, possibly subconciously, like a bit of a power struggle? But I held firm and told her I wanted to hear the tune out, it ended up getting a bit shouty but in a kind of half joking half serious way.

So I am thinking I'm not sure whether to be friends with her any more, but we have mutual friends so it's not as easy as that.

Also she has phoned me a few times, so she seems to want to pursue the friendship.

But it all feels different to before the holiday incident. If she won't discuss issues or how I am feeling, going for the brush under the carpet technique instead, am I on a hiding to nothing trying to resolve this? Should i even try to?

ThatStewie Sun 30-Oct-16 22:06:26

Walk away.

PoldarksBreeches Sun 30-Oct-16 22:07:44

Give up for goodness sake

bibbitybobbityyhat Sun 30-Oct-16 22:10:40

15 months?! Forget it.

maggiethemagpie Sun 30-Oct-16 22:18:19

If it was just me and her, I'd walk away but there are mutual friends involved so not so easy, if I say I don't want to see her it's making a bit of a drama out of it.

What do you think is wrong with her to treat me this way?

category12 Sun 30-Oct-16 22:20:49

Well, seems like this friednship was too full on, too fast and now you've found out you don't really like each other but like the idea of the friendship. I would back off and fade her out. No need for a big showdown, just get busy, make other friends.. If you're in the same place be civil but 'oh there's (someone) I should catch up with her!', 'oh look's like (someone) needs a hand with the drinks', 'oh i need the loo' and go chat with someone else... Otherwise it sounds like you'll end up in fisticuffs.

maggiethemagpie Sun 30-Oct-16 22:21:02

I've just messaged her asking her not to make jokes about the husband chasing incident any more... If she can't respond to that without further aggro then it's game over. I'm trying to set healthy boundaries in my life.

Myusernameismyusername Sun 30-Oct-16 22:22:04

I would just put her on the back burner more now, scale back contact naturally just let it drift.

I've never fallen out with any of my real good friends like this

maggiethemagpie Sun 30-Oct-16 22:28:24

I feel so much better now I've finally been able to have a 'voice' re my feelings over the chasing incident, which were totally and utterly minimised/denied, shame i had to do it by message but it was the only way. She'll either respond one way or the other, ie acknowledge my feelings or not and that will help me decide whether it's worth saving. I'm not holding my breath though.

Floggingmolly Mon 31-Oct-16 14:13:44

Her husband chased you across a field... Are you 15? confused

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