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Has anyone ever met someone 'special' when forcing themselves to move on from someone they love but can't be with?

(7 Posts)
overandout6 Sun 30-Oct-16 11:11:10

I'm in love with someone who I can't be with. This man is separated from his wife but they live in the same house (until the kids leave in 3 years is his plan, apparently...). He has told me he loves me. I've never said it back because of his living situation. But I love him so much. We speak often and from time to time he tells me how hard it is at home. Nothing physical has ever happened between us. We've been this close for 2 years now and I see him often as he lives at the end of the road. He will come over for coffee or we will go for a walk. It's not a secret, but then there is nothing to be secret about - we've never had sex etc. (I doubt he's told anyone he has told me he loves me though).

I started dating again recently and I have had two dates with a lovely guy. I don't know if it would go anywhere, but he's the first person I've seen more than once in the last year (I usually get very bored quickly, and dont have a second date). This could also be because I'm so close to the man I love, I guess.

I know I can't be with the man I love. It's too complicated, he's still living with his wife for gods sake, and although they have separate lives, it's not what i want to get involved with. I have cut down all contact, and we only message a little bit, like distant friends really. But I miss him terribly.

So I'm meant to be seeing this new guy again today and I'm so close to cancelling. I don't know what to do. I sort of want to sit and wallow a bit. But then I do still have a curiosity about the new man, which is unusual for me.

Has anyone ever met someone 'special' when forcing themselves to move on from someone they love but know they cant be with?

mrsnoon Sun 30-Oct-16 11:13:21

7 years and 2 kids later I'm glad I took the chance.

overandout6 Sun 30-Oct-16 11:14:59

mrsnoon how did you handle the conflicting feelings at the start? I'm finding it so hard to get ready and go out today to meet new man...

overandout6 Sun 30-Oct-16 11:16:21

And do you ever think of the other man you were in love with? Do you still miss him?

mrsnoon Sun 30-Oct-16 11:35:14

It was hard at first but I sort of got caught up in the new guy and knew it wouldn't have gone anywhere with old guy. I just had to push myself a bit at first - mind over matter kind of thing, I could sit and pine and be miserable on my own or take a chance.
I do still occasionally think about him, he's my one that got away I suppose. But I wouldn't have my kids, it might not have worked out anyway etc etc and I'm very grateful for what I have.

ocelot7 Sun 30-Oct-16 13:51:01

What Mrsnoon says - go & meet the new man. If he is decent he will give you time to sort yr feelings out - without having to tell him the story. At least thats what happened to me so I'm very grateful I kept seeing him till the fog cleared smile

WaxingNinja Sun 30-Oct-16 14:00:40

It's not a secret, but then there is nothing to be secret about

First of all, stop kidding yourself with this
^. You're having an emotional affair with a married man. I bet his wife would be surprised to learn they're apparently going to split in 3 years.

Stop all contact with him. Embrace the curiosity about the new man. Whenever you start thinking about married man, make yourself stop and think about something else instead. Fill your time and your head with other things.

You have a choice, you can wallow and moon over the married man with a very high probability that in 3 years time you'll be bitterly disappointed when something else inevitably crops up that prevents him from leaving his wife, or you can choose to move forwards with your life.

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