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Need urgent advice please. Serious issue

(123 Posts)
Namechangeemergency Sun 30-Oct-16 10:59:38

Hi. Obvious name change for this.
I have been on MN for years. I don't mind people knowing who I am but I don't want this linked to other stuff and I will be asking MN to delete my history if that is possible.

If you work out who I am that is ok but please don't mention my MN NN. I have had it for years.

I have a DS who is adopted. His birth mother is related to us.
My DS is extremely vulnerable. He has ASD and LDs. He has complex issues.

Last night at 2am his birth mother, grandmother and half sister (a young child) turned up on my doorstep demanding to talk. As if it was a normal time to turn up.
I didn't speak to them but my OH tried to reason with them. They stared shouting and screaming and woke DS up who became very distraught and frightened.

I called the police and they responded quickly and took it all very seriously.

I really need some advice on how to get an injunction and what sort of order I need. The police told me I need something so he can arrest her if she does it again.
I cannot stress the huge impact this sort of thing will have on my DS. He is beside himself and thinks she is going to take him.
We have tried to maintain relationships over the years but her behaviour is so dangerous and erratic its been impossible.
DS is legally adopted. There is no contact order in place because BM refused to cooperate despite me advising her it was important for the future.
We had nothing to do with him being removed. We just stood in when he was going to be put into foster care and he has been with us since he was 8 weeks old.

I need to get this sorted asap but I dont know where to start.
Is there anyone with professional knowledge who would be willing to help us? I know its a lot to ask but just some pointers would be of help.

This is a woman who sent me texts when my DD was terminally ill, wishing she would hurry up and die.
I had to have police at the funeral to stop her turning up and causing trouble.
I have never had an argument, slagged her off to DS or caused any sort of trouble with them. I concentrate on what is best for DS.

She is incapable of doing that.

Namechangeemergency Sun 30-Oct-16 11:00:54

Sorry. When I say 'demanding to talk'. This quickly turned into demanding him [DS] back.

ChuckGravestones Sun 30-Oct-16 11:02:35

Can the police not advise you on the process and which sort of injunction to get?

It sounds horrendous. flowers

Littlefish Sun 30-Oct-16 11:05:01

This sounds horrific for all of you. I agree with ChuckGravestones that you need to speak to the police again and ask for their advice. They may have the details of solicitors who work at weekends.

Namechangeemergency Sun 30-Oct-16 11:05:16

I really don't know.
The police man was lovely but admitted child/family law was not his area.
It was also so late and I was so tired and worried about DS it was hard to take stuff in.

abbsismyhero Sun 30-Oct-16 11:07:29

How old is ds?

AnyFucker Sun 30-Oct-16 11:08:14

You need a "restraining order"

Namechangeemergency Sun 30-Oct-16 11:08:56

He is a young teen.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut Sun 30-Oct-16 11:09:36

I recognise you. How bloody awful for you.

I don't know how to help but I would think getting this moved to the legal board might yield more useful results? There are family lawyers who post on there.

Does your ds still have a social worker? I would have thought they would be able to help?

FlapsTie Sun 30-Oct-16 11:09:47

Oh what a bloody horrible thing to have to deal with. I have no advice or experience but I just wanted to say you are one of the strongest and bravest women I know and you do a fantastic job with all your lovely children.

I hope this can be resolved without too much trauma.


DioneTheDiabolist Sun 30-Oct-16 11:10:03

Telephone the police station, tell them what happened last night and ask them what you need to do to ensure that this doesn't happen again.

THirdEeye Sun 30-Oct-16 11:10:25

Oh I am sorry to read this and how awful and frightening for your DS.

I have no knowledge of this but have a few suggestions.

1. Contact post adoption and speak to a SW, as they maybe able to advise may contact the BM/BF to advise them to back off.
2. Contact the SW that was used during the adoption
3. Call 101, as this in itself was harrassement. I would personally contact the police, everytime they contact you or turn up unexpectantly.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut Sun 30-Oct-16 11:12:01

Advice from Women's Aid here:

AnyFucker Sun 30-Oct-16 11:12:42

Sorry, just wanted to get the name of the order you need on the thread

Lovey, you need to see a solicitor, get your crime or incident number from the police, gather all your previous evidence and apply to the county court for a restraining order

You can do this

Gobbolinothewitchscat Sun 30-Oct-16 11:12:45

Oh God. I would speak to social services in the first instance as they may assist with this and could possibly obtain the injunction (non mol order) on your behalf. That can be done very quickly as the party against whom the injunction is sought generally has no right of notice of the hearing - although there is a right of appeal

Failing that, you need expert legal advice. Arguably the injunction could be obtained on your DS' behalf (although presumably you would want to be covered by its terms too and the rest if your family) and I would think he would be entitled to legal aid

I'm not sure where you are in the U.K. But the law soc if England & Wales and the law soc if Scotland have separate websites. There are online directories - look on there for a solicitor who is an expert in child and family law and contact them first thing on Monday morning

I am a solicitor but I don't specialise in family law so I can't give anymore specific advice. Hopefully someone else can but ultimately you need the advice of a lawyer in person who is a specialist.

Finola1step Sun 30-Oct-16 11:13:02

I have no experience of adoption or the law but just a thought or your son at school? If so, tomorrow morning go in and tell the head, deputy whoever (but someone senior) what happened. If you haven't already, write a letter making it very clear who is and who isn't allowed to collect your ds. Review your emergency contacts as well if need be.

I worked in a school for many years. It was vv rare but not unheard of for a family member to try to collect a child without permission. Usually from some poor, unsuspecting supply teacher.

If he is not yet old enough to be in school, then ignore what I have posted but file it away for later.

Do you have a social worker linked to the adoption you could talk to?

Cary2012 Sun 30-Oct-16 11:13:55

Phone the police, ask to speak to someone who can advise you, or get the number of someone who can.

Think you need a restraining order, but don't know how you obtain one. Hopefully someone will be along soon who does.

Nightmare situation, they sound unhinged. Why on earth did they turn up at that hour?
Take care.

Finola1step Sun 30-Oct-16 11:14:01

Sorry x post. Just seen that ds is a young teen. Still speak to school from a welfare point of view.

Cary2012 Sun 30-Oct-16 11:16:16

X post with AF.

And ensure the school knows that no one is allowed to pick him up.

PeppermintPasty Sun 30-Oct-16 11:16:17

This sounds obvious but you need good legal advice and a court order to keep them away, with a power of arrest attached.

Keep calm, you and he will be fine and safe. Get an appointment set up with a solicitor tomorrow. The order can be before the court on an emergency basis.

I stress here that I'm a lawyer but not a family lawyer.
Have you got a lawyer or a firm of solicitors you know that you can call first thing tomorrow?

Namechangeemergency Sun 30-Oct-16 11:17:06

Thank you everyone.
My plan was to contact the borough we adopted with and see if they can sort this for us.
Money is obviously an issue but of course we will do what we need to. It would be better if the LA with its legal dept on tap would do it for us though.
Apart from anything else I would really like someone else to take over the stress.

I start a new job on Tuesday.
Luckily I have tomorrow free but I would have rather spent it getting ready for my new job.

I need to meet with DSs school.
I need to let the LA SW dept know too.

Its all so crap. And that poor little girl who was dragged along for the ride!

What were they thinking?
My poor boy

MrsBertBibby Sun 30-Oct-16 11:17:08

You're in England/Wales?

You're the adoptive mum, and this woman was birth mum?

Then you can get a non molestation order against the mum to protect you and child, and forbid them coming to your home again.

Form FL401, statement setting out what happened, and no court fee. IF you can afford to get a solicitor to do it. you might get legal aid if you apply in your son's name.

Do you get post adoption support? Talk to them if so.

MrsBertBibby Sun 30-Oct-16 11:18:44

Family solicitor, btw.

Namechangeemergency Sun 30-Oct-16 11:19:22

i need to have a shower. Didn't get any sleep last night and I have to keep stuff normal as poss for the kids.
I will be back.
Thank you everyone.
I really appreciate it.

Namechangeemergency Sun 30-Oct-16 11:20:22

MsBert, where do we get the form from?

We are in the UK.

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