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Texting ex...

(17 Posts)
Toomuchbooty Sat 29-Oct-16 23:53:28

So my partner has been out all day, came home drunk, all is well, we were cuddling and he got his phone out and it opened on a message thread to his ex, I didn't see anything that was written and wasn't snooping but it was right in front of my face so couldn't help but see, it was obviously just a general chat due to the length of the messages and I saw a haha and a lol in there too.

I was surprised because As far as I knew he didn't have any contact with her so it was a shock to see that they were obviously in contact for no reason other than being mates

Now I don't really believe in staying friends with exes and I know for a fact if I were doing the same with my ex my current partner wouldn't like it, but that's by the by

I said 'oh do you text your x often?' He said a bit yer I asked in what context and he said just general chat. They have no kids or mortgage together or anything so is no need for them to stay in touch

I didn't say anything after this and a few minutes later he brought up that it obviously bothered me and I I said yes I thought it was weird and didn't understand it, I said the thought of him just deciding at some point in the day that he wants to know how his x is is strange to me and makes me feel shit, he said he couldn't even remember what they'd talked about (it was earlier today. hmm) I said we'll have a look it's right there (I did not request to look at it myself nor would I have done) he said I can't now I've deleted it! confused I can't believe he did that, I didn't even think there was anything dodgy going on but to immediately delete it when I asked him about it is really dodgy right?!

I feel sick, he's fallen asleep downstairs and I just feel sick and upset and I can't sleep

I really want someone to tell me that deleting it isn't dodgy but how can it not be?

I'm aware that there will be people who think it's normal to be friends with their ex and I'm not saying that's wrong, but it's always seemed weird to me, please be gentle with me I feel like I'm having a panic attack my anxiety has been really bad the past few weeks, I just need to get it out to someone and maybe get a few kind words, I can't bare to go to sleep on an argument and the fact he's just casually dropped to sleep when I feel like this makes me feel so much worse!

Toomuchbooty Sun 30-Oct-16 00:05:22

Anyone? sad

BubbleGumBubble Sun 30-Oct-16 00:12:39

Not the right relationship for you. End it.

BubbleGumBubble Sun 30-Oct-16 00:14:11

Sorry that was not very gentle but sometimes it just has to be straight to the point.

Toomuchbooty Sun 30-Oct-16 00:15:10

I'm beginning to think your right, I've thought it for the last week or so

But we're childhood sweethearts who have recently reunited and I've always though over the many years we weren't together that he was the one for me, it was like everything made sense when we got back together and the thought that that was all in my head and that's another one that's not suitable for me is honestly completely heartbreaking! sad

Pumpkin2010 Sun 30-Oct-16 00:15:19

Why delete messages if he's nothing to hide? confused

MemyselfandI123 Sun 30-Oct-16 00:18:30

What's the background, how long were they together ? How long since they split ? Was their split amicable ? How long are you together ?

Toomuchbooty Sun 30-Oct-16 00:20:06

I know pumpkin I said that, I never would have asked to look at them but the fact he deleted them made it into something so much more than what it started as!

He said he was just pissed off so deleted them? He is drunk but still?!! hmm

My belief Is that he is drunk, he was being honest that he didn't really remember what they'd talked about so shit himself and deleted it because obviously he was at the very least concerned he could have said something untoward!

Toomuchbooty Sun 30-Oct-16 00:21:44

Memyself they were together 8 years, amicable fell out of love type split

We have been together about 6 months, we're together as you do adults about 15 years ago, each other's first love, very romanticised in our own heads that we have both sort of loved each other all these years and come back together

MemyselfandI123 Sun 30-Oct-16 00:22:21

Tbh the fact he's gone off to sleep now a care in the world probably indicates there's nothing in it, not the actions of a man almost been "caught" , some people do stay in touch randomly platonically, if they split amicably especially, if it were me I wouldn't be packing any bags just yet, you've made it clear you're not happy about it , give him the benefit of the doubt and the chance to knock it on the head and ghost her, if he doesn't then I'd start to worry..

Toomuchbooty Sun 30-Oct-16 00:55:12

But shouldn't he want to make me feel better? When he has wobbles of unreasonableness or being a bit paranoid I go over and above to make him feel better, that's my only goal at that time, he was just pissed off and in no way sympathetic to my feelings!

I'm out all day with the family tomorrow and the thought of having to put a brace face on it all day checking my phone every 5 minutes is hideous sad

Trifleorbust Sun 30-Oct-16 09:32:22

You don't have enough information to know if there is anything in it. Deleting it is suspicious, but not proof positive or really a very clear sign that the messages are inappropriate or intimate. So I think you have to proceed as if they are platonic. He hasn't done anything wrong if they are, but that isn't the issue if it makes you feel really uncomfortable. The question is whether this is something you can live with, or not.

Joysmum Sun 30-Oct-16 10:01:00

Deleting would be suspicious if it were me doing the deleting. Deleting if it were hubby would be his way of acknowledging I was right and wiping the slate clean.

MemyselfandI123 Sun 30-Oct-16 16:00:23

The not comforting thing is just that he feels he hasn't done anything wrong and you are being unreasonable, I'd be more worried if he was going OTT to keep you sweet

CockacidalManiac Sun 30-Oct-16 16:08:15

There might not be anything in this at all, I exchange texts with exes sometimes. They're in relationships, and so am I.
Some people think it's ok, and others don't.

ICuntSeeYourPoint Sun 30-Oct-16 16:15:44

If it was innocent he wouldn't have deleted it. Reading it would have proved him innocent or guilty, so the fact he deleted it instead of showing it to you speaks volumes.

I also disagree with this, from experience:
the fact he's gone off to sleep now a care in the world probably indicates there's nothing in it, not the actions of a man almost been "caught" Er, no. Just no. I saw messages to OW on my H's phone when he came home drunk once, he was caught and he knew it. The fucker still fell asleep afterwards, I was awake all night.

bluebell9 Sun 30-Oct-16 16:50:55

I text my ex and meet up for coffee, but I make sure my DP knows in advance and I'd never delete any messages as I have nothing to hide and I wouldn't want my DP to think I was hiding anything.

Did you see if there were kisses on the texts?

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