Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.
ILs keep buying clothes for dd- I feel really ungrateful but.....(71 Posts)
My mil and sil keep buying clothes for my dd, however they only buy things that are reduced and therefore quite often they are really odd combinations or the wrong season ( eg they recently gave us lots of thin, cotton summer trousers )
I feel really really bad for feeling ungrateful.
Its just we end up with pile of clothes that she'll never wear.
I also feel bad as they must wonder why they never see her in the things they have bought.
Sometimes they buy things that are so not my taste that I can't bring myself to dress her in them.
I get all of her clothes from high street shops, I would never spend loads on them however it seems that my idea of what I want her to wear is massively removed from theirs.
What can I do ? I don't want to hurt their feelings but I wish they'd stop spending their money on things that just aren't getting worn.
If only they just mentioned to me that they wanted to buy something for her then I could point them in the direction of some things that she needs.
Actually I think maybe I am just being really ungrateful.
In a similar situation (though with other family members) I used to keep a couple of pieces for ds so he could wear them when they came over and then returned the rest if they were new for a credit note and bought him something more useful (not usually clothes, but a toy or something boring like a new hat or muslim cloths).
I think the main thing is to try not to offend. They want to give the things, so I would let them as I don't see any alternative without hurting them. Also little comments like 'oh, thats lovely, you really shouldn't she'll get spoilt' and things like that.
That's what i did anyway.
I think it would maybe tactful to put her in some of the nicer clothes they've given her when you are visiting them. Also is there no way you can take things back and swap them for a bigger size so they will fit in the appropriate season? Although the seasonal thing does become less of an issue as they get older and stay in the same size longer. Taste issues do not improve though, unfortunately.
I do some your point though. It sounds like they are not putting much thought into it. If I spotted something in the sale that I would think would suit my nephew I would take into account the time of year and buy the appropriate size for next summer/winter. But again this can be tricky. My DD was 2 last May and my Mum bought her some trousers for Christmas age 2-3 and they fall down as soon as she walks. So it looks like she will be wearing them next winter! She also has 2-3 summer clothes from her birthday that she has never worn.
Angel30, I am a rotten ingrate too.
My MIL has given me loads of nightmare polyester babygros for my baby (due March).
I know, I know, it's Precious Firstborn Syndrome.
I'm going to grit my teeth and dress him in the least nasty thing when he's born, and hope the sparks from the static don't set fire to his hair.
I am also an ingrate
I would (and have) keep some for dc to wear in front of ILs and swap the rest or charity shop it, just don't have room for clothes that aren't going to be worn!
At least that way no ones feelings are hurt (apart from the time DH said DD was wearing a horrible pikey coat in front of the people who had bought it for her )!
no polyester is horrible, we were given some too, and those that did up at the back! really yuk, with the first i didnt actually realise how horrible they were, only with 3rd who had dry skin and coudnt wear them!
LOL at muslim cloths - are they handy for making an emergency hijab?
Angel, agree it's difficult, my MIL used to do this. Horrid Marvel characters when he was less than two - couldn't bear to put him in then. The Thomas pyjamas she bought him two years ago are being worn now - he's 3.5! But I never said anything, she finds it hard enough to go shopping now she doesn't drive anymore and can't walk that well.
oh, MIL is the same. She buys random...eeer... "casual" clothes for DS, but they come in handy when going round hers as she smokes, and none of his nice clothes end up stinking and covered in dog hairs We do have alot he will never wear in a million years - some tweed style waitcoat from tesco for starters!
another ingrate signing in. My SILs and MIL tend to buy clothes for birthdays/christmas = MIL loves frilly dresses for DD which she never wears, just not practical!
When we got them christened, DS was 18 mo and I wans't sure what to put him in - I glared at MIL and said "don't even think about a sailor suit"
DH choked on his coffee!!
angel can you not say nicely that they can't wear the cotton clothe? point it out, though the horrible ones i havent a clue, except to take them back!
Hi. thanks for your messages. I'm glad I'm not the only one with this problem !
I guess I'll just have to keep trying to be as tactful as possible.
Its really hard sometimes. I've found that since I've had children the relationship with the ILs has become quite difficult. There just seem to be so many areas in which we seem to have fundamental differences of opinion ( not just in our fashion tastes !!).
Is it worth keeping the out of season stuff for the next baby...?
I'm so lucky, my mil buys really nice designer clothes, right size right season! Ones we would not buy due to price!
In comparision my mother bought loads of charity shop clothes and items for me and baby, majority not in my taste. And boy have I tackled her about it over the years, does no good whatsoever. Pigheaded, its like banging your head against a brick wall. I think their just shopoholics and are buying for the sake of buying.
Just say their in the wash if they ask And then take them back to store!
Hey my parents never buy clothes for the kids - so don't have that problem.
Im very jealous of the designer clothes gifts - MIL keeps sending my dc back dressed in loads of asda fleeces and tshirts with slogans aaah.. we just said please no more we havent got the room. which is true
My mil turned up at hospital for my first-born with a pair of second-hand swimming trunks for a one year old and continued to bestow wildly inappropriate and unwanted presents for the next few years. It used to irritate me but now that she is officially nutty and in a home I'm surprised how I much I miss her and regret being an ingrate
Ah yes, my mum presented me with a box of secondhand baby clothes when I was pg with dd1. I felt so ungrateful, but they were all vile and yes I was suffering precious baby syndrome. MIL also bought awful things to. It was easier with my Mum we just laughed it off and now the children are older she often buys them things from GAP. My DH mentioned to MIL that there were only certain shops we liked the clothes in, blamed himself mostly. In the beginning she stuck to those shops, but as the years have gone by we have received some totally flamable frilly dresses that dd2 loves. It gets harder then.
My MIL is doing the same, she called me not long after my 20 week scan when we discovered we were expecting a girl to tell me that I didn't need to buy any clothes for baby as she had everything sorted.
I felt very ungrateful for being a bit miffed but ignored her and bought what I wanted anyway, despite receiving several large boxes of clothes from her. We had lots of gifts from other friends and family too which is just as well as most of the clothes she bought are 'outfits', all with a disney theme (which I have an aversion to) and 6 months plus. No babygros, or vests or anything practical...ungrateful, I know...
i had this... i must have got through to them as now it only really happens rarely although strange birthday outfits usually appear.
re the reduced stuff, i used to say "oh, what a shame, that won't fit her in the summer - do you want to take it and give it to x or x for their son/daughter?"
"my sister gives me so much (of her dd's) clothes, there aren't enough days in the month to wear them all! but lucky me doesn't have to worry about getting the washing done"
it did seem to get through eventually.
plus i bring back EVERYTHING and get vouchers if at all possible!
oh, and don't start me off on hand me down crappy toys from SIL!
i sent her home with them all at christmas! refused to take them, said the house was rammed as it is. dh told me off, said we should have taken them and given them to the charity shop as she doesn't have room in her flat. ffs, take them there herself!
My SIL has bought so many really gorgeous expensive woollen jumpers and cardigans for ds. But he absoslutely refuses to wear anything woollen, saying it itches him. I can't even pop them on for photos to send her as 'evidence'! I've dropped hints but she hsan't ever got the message! I don't blame her - they are really lovely tops, I would if I had the money and someone to spoil. But they are just going to waste.
girls stick to your rules, and they wont buy you again. dd is almost 2, and noone buys her clothes, because i dress her my way. most of the clothes bought by ppl, mil sil, family members them i sold on for sale board for extra cash, i buy things i like, no need to feel pressure, he or she is your child, you dress them as you wish, simple.enjoy it while can.
Join the discussion
Please login first.