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Need a bit of cheerleading to help me prep for upcoming encounter with OW

(228 Posts)
StreetFighter Sat 29-Oct-16 21:26:06

DH had a brief affair eight months ago. We're working on reconciliation.

I have only come into contact with OW once since discovering DH's affair, and I kept a dignified silence, but this week I'll see her again at an event the DC are involved in.

She won't be expecting to see me, so in that sense I have the upper hand, but I'm dreading it to be truthful. While I've definitely indulged in fantasies of burning down her fucking house a vengeful nature, in reality the thought of any sort of confrontation horrifies me. Hopefully there won't be anything of the sort, and I can just blank her, but I'd really appreciate some advice on how to cope with it (what shall I wear?!) and general handholding and cheerleading, if anyone feels able.

Whisky2014 Sat 29-Oct-16 21:29:52

There wont be a confrontation and i dont know the event so cant comment on what to wear but i think as long as you are smiling and look care free that will get to her more.

StreetFighter Sat 29-Oct-16 21:32:40

Thanks Whiskey!

It's a dance show, so while I am tempted by a killer skintight little number, I think that may just make me look crazy grin

pringlecat Sat 29-Oct-16 21:36:04

Wear whatever you think makes you look good, so you have that extra confidence.

Did she know she was the OW?

Whisky2014 Sat 29-Oct-16 21:37:48

Haha! I think id go in somekind of sophisticated black outfit. Black jeans with knee high boots and a nice tops. Just look as good as you can without going OTT or that you tried to hard. Dont worry. I bet you won't see her or youll be so far away it won't matter. Anything can happen, she could be ill or maybe she will find out you will be there and she wont show up. X

StreetFighter Sat 29-Oct-16 21:43:18

She did indeed know she was the OW - she'd met me.

If she is there (and I'm sure she will be) I won't be able to avoid her, it's a very small-scale thing. Actually, it'd be sort of anti-climatic if she isn't there...

Good call on the casual-yet-sophisticated outfit pointer. I've even got some new boots which I'm a bit in love with, so they'll do nicely.

pringlecat Sat 29-Oct-16 21:45:59

OK. In which case, sod her, no sympathy. Go there looking fabulous, smile until your face hurts and remember, you are the better person. There's no need to speak to her, and if she approaches you, there's no need to engage her in any conversation whatsoever.

Even if you are not having a good time, fake it. Smile tons. You'll thank yourself the day after. If you're having a wobble, hide in the toilets, don't wobble anywhere near her.

StreetFighter Sat 29-Oct-16 21:50:51

Smile. Got it. grin

I'm nice, and fun, and friendly (mostly!) I can totally work the room, I reckon.

And yes to absolutely no wobbles except in the loos! Thanks pringlecat.

Argh - what if she tries to approach me though? What do I say? I can't just run away (can I?)

DirtyBlonde Sat 29-Oct-16 21:51:40

Get a really good hair cut.

Is your DH going to be there too?

Because his role is to look at you adoringly throughout. Possibly greeting ex-OW by the wrong name. (Testicles for earrings if he objects).

StreetFighter Sat 29-Oct-16 21:53:58

I haven't decided if DH should be there or not. (He'll do whatever I want him to).

I sort of want him there as support, but then I also cringe at the idea of me hanging on his arm like he's a prize, iykwim?

AtSea1979 Sat 29-Oct-16 21:55:15

If she approaches you then look at her with pity as you snub her.

StreetFighter Sat 29-Oct-16 21:55:19

Had a haircut a few weeks ago but will definitely get the big guns styling tools out grin

DirtyBlonde Sat 29-Oct-16 21:55:55

You don't hang on to him - he gazes at you. Big difference! You are the prize, he's the luckiest man alive, and it shows

StreetFighter Sat 29-Oct-16 21:56:26

But how do I snub her? Just totally blank her? Won't that raise some eyebrows?

pringlecat Sat 29-Oct-16 21:56:28

"Oh, hi. Sorry, I've just spotted someone I need to speak to over there. Have a great night." Then flounce off and talk to ANYONE else.

StreetFighter Sat 29-Oct-16 21:57:49

Ok. Will memorise that script!

DearMrDilkington Sat 29-Oct-16 21:58:39

Look wonderful, smile lots and don't give her a second glancewink.

Mummyshortlegz Sat 29-Oct-16 22:00:56

I would just say firmly "no" and walk away. No dialogue is necessary.

StreetFighter Sat 29-Oct-16 22:01:26

Hmmm...I wonder if I'd cope better if DH just picks us up? I think he'd make a haimes of gazing at me adoringly (and while my sympathy for him is extremely fucking limited, I am aware that he will find the situation excruciating too, and will not be up to making any sort of point or gesture)

RebelSoldier Sat 29-Oct-16 22:01:44

I feel sad that you have to go through with this.

StreetFighter Sat 29-Oct-16 22:02:17

Ok. "No". Yes, I can do that.

HereIAm20 Sat 29-Oct-16 22:03:09

Do the other people in attendance know of the affair? Not sure why blanking her would raise eyebrows unless they did

YabuDabbaDoo Sat 29-Oct-16 22:03:11

No you absolutely must not hang on to him. He must can bring you a drink here and there.

If she approaches you just comment on her shoes/outfit and say that they really suit her and move on.

You have nothing to worry about - really, truly. She is a nobody.

StreetFighter Sat 29-Oct-16 22:03:38

Thanks rebelsoldier flowers

pringlecat Sat 29-Oct-16 22:03:38

Do you think he would make the situation better or worse for you if he was there? Given what happened, your feelings are more important and he would be foolish not to think so too.

Would you like to lean on his arm and chat to him? Would you feel awkward knowing she was in the room? There's really no right answer. Whatever you want to do.

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