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Abusive STBXH has called police

(78 Posts)
EElisavetaOfBelsornia Sat 29-Oct-16 20:33:11

I'm in the process of leaving my H. He is abusive and violent, and the last few months while we've been separating have been horrendous, I feel pushed to the edge.
We're moving the week after next. Today H took DCs out so I could pack. He came home in a foul mood and started ranting that I hadn't done enough packing, and accusing me of having been with a man. There is no OM but H has refused to believe this and repeatedly accuses me of an affair. I lost it this evening and shouted at him, and swore. He did too. Some of this was in front of DCs, which I feel awful about. When they went to bed he started again - he had said I could choose which books go to each of us, then came in and said I was taking all the good ones - I had specifically checked about some before deciding. I felt I was losing it again and tried to leave to go for a walk, but couldn't find my keys. He had had them earlier and when I asked for them said he'd had the kids all day so I had to look after them now, and went out. He came in 15 min later and said he had called the police and told them I had thrown a punch at him! Which is a total lie. I'm downstairs and he's upstairs, I'm waiting for police to arrive. It's like living through a nightmare, please help me through this.

JontyDoggle37 Sat 29-Oct-16 20:38:29

flowers so sorry you're going through this. Welcome the police turning up. Explain what he's like, log with them all the ways he is abusive, and ask them to look at him for evidence of a punch. Then they'll give him a walking great telling off for wasting their time, and you will have a police log that will help you in future divorce proceedings. This is all good grin. Or, he hasn't phoned them at all, he just wants you to worry, so say 'oh good id like to talk to them' and carry on with what you're doing - you can pretend you're not worried for a couple of hours! Either way, he isn't going to get what he wants, and you will still be leaving. Best of luck.

EElisavetaOfBelsornia Sat 29-Oct-16 20:40:10

Thank you Jonty - I think he did, but they haven't arrived yet. I think it's payback for me having called previously when he's been aggressive.

Mrs2ndbest Sat 29-Oct-16 20:44:21

If you are staying which I hope you find the strength to leave. I know how hard it is. Pls document everything with pictures and a log. He wants control and is playing mind games with you. I've been there. You are not the problem

Kidnapped Sat 29-Oct-16 20:50:08

Just tell the exact truth. He went out for 15 minutes and called the police while he was out. Tell the police that if they put a trace on his mobile phone it will show that he was out of the house at the time the alleged punch was thrown.

They won't do that of course, because they won't believe him in the first place.

Make sure that you tell them that you are leaving him because he is violent and abusive. It will be good to get it on record. Any more incidents like today and call the police immediately.

EElisavetaOfBelsornia Sat 29-Oct-16 20:53:05

I'm leaving him Mrs - the move is in 2 weeks. You're right that he's losing control and doesn't like it.

EElisavetaOfBelsornia Sat 29-Oct-16 20:54:28

Kidnapped there are previous police records. He has a Caution for punching me in the face and breaking my nose. He said all sorts last time, and they believed me.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted Sat 29-Oct-16 20:55:22

You've called the police previously. Do you think that was logged at the time?

Any road, if they do turn up be calm and welcoming. Describe the previous aggression and abuse you've received from him. This event is just more of the same from him. He's patently not afraid of anything you might do as he's still in the house with you. That's how scary you are and how fearful of you he is. What a pillock

Not long to go now and you'll be free of him. FREE!

Kidnapped Sat 29-Oct-16 20:59:45

Then you don't have anything to worry about.

If they do turn up then tell them the truth. If you fear for your safety tonight then please let them know.

Him calling the police could be a good thing if it ends up with you giving the police more evidence of the abuse and violence.

Mrs2ndbest Sat 29-Oct-16 21:00:44

I'm worried for your safety. Last couple of weeks I was leaving things really escalated because he was losing control. Pls be careful

Qwerdy1234 Sat 29-Oct-16 21:03:59

Call the police immediately. Tell them what you have told us. Tell them he has a history of violence.

EElisavetaOfBelsornia Sat 29-Oct-16 21:04:44

Good reassuring points, thank you both. He came and threatened me not to tell police that he repeatedly broke into my phone and read my private messages - he had put a fingerprint access on without my Knowledge. He said he was willing to phone back and say they don't need to come, then said they should come - I don't know what to think. Maybe PP was right, and he never called at all? His job is very precarious after previous police incidents, he's on thin ice for keeping it.

Haggisfish Sat 29-Oct-16 21:07:02

I would call the police myself, just to be sure. Can you stay at a refuge or anything for next two weeks?

EElisavetaOfBelsornia Sat 29-Oct-16 21:08:27

Sorry Qwerty cross posted. Maybe he has called, maybe not. I know this is a crunch time for things kicking off, and I'm trying to be careful. I just feel so stressed and tonight I snapped.

HedgehogHedgehog Sat 29-Oct-16 21:10:47

Just remain calm. They will see straight through this. If he has really called them. Ive had this done to me and the police were actually fantastic. They saw straight away that it was him who was being abusive. xxx

EElisavetaOfBelsornia Sat 29-Oct-16 21:11:44

Thank you Hedgehog.

VivienneWestwoodsKnickers Sat 29-Oct-16 21:13:39

The police will still come out because it's domestic abuse related, so he can't 'take it back'.

Just explain what's been going on - they'll have seen and heard it all before.

Good luck, and get the hell away from this bastard.

MsVanRein Sat 29-Oct-16 21:14:37

I don't have any advice to add as others have covered it but just wanted to say I'm thinking about you. flowers

ImperialBlether Sat 29-Oct-16 21:14:59

I'd call the police and ask them to come - say you're going to bed soon and ask what time they'll be there.

EElisavetaOfBelsornia Sat 29-Oct-16 21:17:11

Thank you for being here everyone. Get the hell away from this bastard is now my strapline for the next two weeks!

EElisavetaOfBelsornia Sat 29-Oct-16 21:18:55

It's now nearly an hour since he says he rang and they're not here.

AyeAmarok Sat 29-Oct-16 21:20:42

Was it tonight he put this fingerprint thing on your phone, or was that the last incident when police were called?

FinallyHere Sat 29-Oct-16 21:24:04

So sorry to hear you are going through this....

Just a thought, have you removed his fingerprint from the ones which can access your phone? Its in settings, then touchid. You need to type the code in when you access this, so it might be worth changing your access code, too. All the best.

Starlight2345 Sat 29-Oct-16 21:27:32

OP ..I agree with others be very careful at this point..Get passports, birth certificates, his Ni number and payslip if you can. Your Ni no though...Get those out the house, whether with a relative, locker at work...Somewhere safe..

If you feel in danger call the police.. Call womens aid, you can get in a refuge even if for a couple of weeks.

EElisavetaOfBelsornia Sat 29-Oct-16 21:28:09

It was a while ago, he admitted he did it a few days ago. Security settings all changed now.

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