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No contact and in recovery from dysfunctional family: any tips for rebuilding myself?

(7 Posts)
passportmess Sat 29-Oct-16 18:54:23

I was my family's scapegoat but am now recently no contact with parents and sibling who emigrated to the other side of the world ten years ago. I have a lovely dh and ds but I feel the loss of the 'theory' of having a loving wider family. I'm trying to rebuild myself - aiming the highest levels of self care, positive thoughts and working out what I want from life. Also trying to build a network of support in the absence of a family of origin. Any books, tips, advice that might help me? TIA

passportmess Sat 29-Oct-16 18:56:51

Sorry, that should read 'aiming for'

bellasuewow Sat 29-Oct-16 20:50:21

Well done for going Nc op, it is hard but not as hard as remaining the scapegoat. Allow yourself some grief for what you never had, get yourself on the stately homes thread it is so amazingly insightful. I recommend Susan forwards book toxic parents. You may feel a bit shit for a while as you have a real realisation of anger. You are not the only one to have been through this. You do come out of it with a greater understanding of complexity, understanding and compassion and you will form good and healthy relationships over time. Chin up

passportmess Sat 29-Oct-16 20:59:57

Thanks so much for replying Bella. I'll check out Susan Forward's book and the thread. I'm moving along slowly but I am moving!

bellasuewow Sat 29-Oct-16 21:01:49

You are welcome my dear fellow scapegoat

kittykittykitty5 Sat 29-Oct-16 22:06:58

I am in the same boat as you, I have gone through an entire range of emotions. In fact, I call it my scapegoat maze because it is almost as if I am in some emotional maze full of dead ends, false turns and blame. Somewhere out there is the way through and out the other side. I will get there one day.

passportmess Sat 29-Oct-16 22:33:11

Yes, kitty to me its like I was brought up in a maze without realising. Now I see the pattern and want out and a new and better life. But I haven't got the map out to the exit yet. We'll get there!

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