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Can't bear the thought of my ex with someone new

(6 Posts)
GemmaRalph Sat 29-Oct-16 16:54:09

Me and my ex boyfriend broke up about 2 months ago and he moved out of our flat a month ago now. We made things worse by talking post breakup which I put an end to 2 weeks ago.

He still has a key to the place that is now just my flat as he is helping with our dog one day a week.

He broke off the relationship as something was missing and he wasn't sure if he saw a future with me. We'd been together 3 years and saw each other on and off for the year prior.

I'm really struggling with the thought of him with someone else and I'm driving myself a bit mad over it. We know a lot of the same people and I'm worried he's going to end up with someone I know and I'm going to have to see them out or online in pictures together.

When we first broke up I handled it well and kept myself busy but now normal life has crept back in and we're no longer talking it's all I think about. Him with other woman.

It's sad and pathetic and I need to get a grip but not sure how. I have a busy job and don't have the time or energy to be constantly out doing new things.

Any advise? sad

category12 Sat 29-Oct-16 17:50:53

It's kind of an obsessive thought pattern, rather than anything else, don't you think? You have to try to redirect yourself. Perhaps indulge for 5 minutes or something, and then consciously focus on something else, something constructive. Like maybe working out budgets to save for a once-in-lifetime trip, or a complicated crafting project, or crosswords or a very good book, learning a language, something that fills your mind.

BillericayDuckie Sat 29-Oct-16 18:43:28

I know EXACTLY where you are coming from and sympathise flowers

Separated from my partner a couple of months ago and moved out two weeks ago. It was an amicable split as we had reached the end romantically.

Now I have unpacked and settled in etc etc I am just torturing myself thinking of him OLDing and hooking up with new women.

The best way of trying to break this cycle I've found is to concentrate on his negative points (slightly controlling, over drinking, smoking, commitmentphobe, who acts like an old man) in a kind of "good luck to them" way.

Hard though. Currently missing his company like crazy sad

Livelovebehappy Sat 29-Oct-16 20:38:57

The break up process is hard, but focus on the positives. Just think how worse it could be; you could have had DC with him, which is a lot harder as you would have to live through all his future relationships as you would still have to keep close ties with him. Unfortunately it's like a grieving process, and nothing anyone can say will stop the pain of you hearing about his next new relationship. It will be like a stab through the heart, but you just have to ride with it and trust that things will get easier over time.

LesisMiserable Sat 29-Oct-16 23:50:08

I remember years ago splitting up with my ex just before the lottery was launched - I.was convinced he was going to go off, win the lottery and have an amazing life without me , probably with someone I knew who had always fancied him - the thoughts were excruciating and all comsuming - and actually a lot worse than reality which was simply that in time I learned he'd moved on and it hurt but it was completely survivable. If he'd been the right person for you, youd still be together, so whatever happens now his is destiny, yours lies elsewhere. Stop worrying about how you may feel about poasiblw future developments and deal with the reality of now , you'll heal.much quicker I promise.

QueenLizIII Sun 30-Oct-16 00:53:24

He broke off the relationship.
So he has taken decisive action for his life. He thought you werent right for him.

As a way to try and break the obsessive thought patterns, remind yourself every time, he is not worrying about you. he is living his life and making decisions that best suit him.

Every time it starts, tell yourself he isnt worried about me, enough. Start thinking what you can do to improve your life.

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