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cheating husband and stupid wife

(12 Posts)
Foolishheart2016 Sat 29-Oct-16 08:57:48

hello everyone please bear with me this is going to be a very long thread. Met my husband online 10 years ago and we became friends and inlove bu just phone chats and internet chats. then next year we got married (civil) it was a whirlwind romance but I know I love him. moving back to the present specifically a month ago found out he is keeping photos of ex girlfriend, they are still in touch and actually planning to leave both their families behind. confronted him and he hit me with the words he never truly loved me that I was a means to an end and that time the girl went stray and had a relationship with someone else. the kids are just an accident he never really planned. 10 years of living a lie. I found text messages of endearment and promises to each other. phoning her even though I am with him. found a photo dated 2007 and it really hurt me because while we were married they are still together. emails from 2008 her saying that she made a mistake and went out with another man but they are still keeping in touch via email. now she has 3 kids in london and husband who is worried to lose her but can't make up her mind. pleaded with her over the phone but ignored me. he stopped saying I love you to me because he said it's a lie anyway. 10 years of I love you is nothing but a lie. he is going to london where she is to work there. As far as the husband of that woman knows she chose them but what do we really know. they are professional liers. He said we are not separating he just want to work there for a while and he will come home and visit us when he has the time. Do I really want to believe him? should I just keep hoping that he will still come back to us after 2 years? He is the best husband at night when in bed but come morning he is a totally different person so cold and distant. going crazy because after a night spent together I'm like yes he loves me he chose us but come morning realization will kick in. He stopped calling me Babes but calls me mommy like I call him daddy. and my daily pain is he started calling my daughter Sweetheart. keep saying I love you sweetheart. he never say i love you to them when he leaves the house. it hurts coz I know that that is what he calls his other woman. Everytime I give him a goodbye kiss he turns his head so it becomes a peck on the cheek. he never sits beside me anymore when we are in the sofa. what a lonely life I don't know what to do... I don't deserve this!!! not perfect but I never lied or cheated on him and he knows how much I love him still...

Mix56 Sat 29-Oct-16 09:10:50

As much as it hurts, It is evident that your marriage is finished.
You are clinging to hopes.
When he says he doesn't & never has loved you, why aren't you listening ?

DrMorbius Sat 29-Oct-16 09:18:50

Sorry, you marriage is over if I ever really existed. Start acting accordingly. Don't "wait" for him for 2 seconds never mind 2 years.

Start making plans right this second and start treating him like the c**t he is.

Foolishheart2016 Sat 29-Oct-16 09:19:48

that is what I have been asking myself... keep saying it's the kids they are still babies but maybe it's just me. Wondered why he won't severed any relationship with me and finished it as well. he keep saying he is not leaving us but just need space. I know I can't make him love me again but he is too coward to end it either

Marilynsbigsister Sat 29-Oct-16 09:23:13

You are hanging on for scraps and worth so much more. For your and your children's sake, get to a solicitor and get a divorce started. 'On the phone to his girlfriend in front of his wife' - really, he has no respect and really doesn't love you. Do not mistake physical lust for love. He is good in the sack because you are there, willing and available. You need to move to another bedroom and get this arse out of the house.

You can do a DIY divorce if there is no money/property to fight over and the dcs will stay with you.
You can be exempted the court fee if you fill in the Exemption from fees certificate if you are on a low income/benefits (in your own right, do not count his earnings) Download divorce forms from the Internet. Complete using advice sheet attached. Get forms from HMCTS website. (They are free - if there is a charge, you are on the wrong website)

ButIbeingpoor Sat 29-Oct-16 09:25:32

Bloodyhell Foolishheart, you're living a nightmare.
It sounds as if your marriage is over. Dead and done. If I understand your situation correctly, he doesn't want to end the marriage but wants to openly have an affair with the ow? Are you still having sex?
Clearly you are unhappy. What will you do? What is the best outcome for you?
If I were in your position I would take urgent steps to end this marriage, get him out of the house, tell the ow's husband and start a life without him.
I suggest that you ask him to leave, give yourself some headspace and work out what you need.

leaveittothediva Sat 29-Oct-16 09:27:29

I'm sorry to say he is showing you who he is. Please believe him. You are separating, he's going to London to live and work, and be with this other woman. It looks like the 10 years spent together was a lie for him. He seems like a flake, he's probably a different character to everyone he meets, he is simply trying to placate you, I know you love him but you need to wake up and find some way to come to the realization that it's over. OP, your whole story reads like you are in a dream state. Can some family member or close friends help you to wake up to reality. Of course you are in shock, and I do have empathy for you, but this is happening, whether you can comprehend it or not. He's leaving.

Foolishheart2016 Sat 29-Oct-16 10:08:38

thank you so much everyone... I guess I already know the answer to my problem just need some courage and strenth to do it. Unfortunately my family are too far away and I am embarrased to tell them what happed I feel like such a failure and so scared everyone will find out that I am nothing but a means to an end.

Babblehag Sat 29-Oct-16 10:18:19

Oh op, I feel for you I really do, you deserve so much better. And there are so many better men out there, but you don't need to worry about that right now, you need to get your head together, and tell your partner to go to london and it is over, he cant leave you hanging like a tidbit he grabs when he fancies it. You are not a tidbit, you are a strong independant woman with children to take care of, don't let him treat you like this. I wish you all the best op.

Penfold007 Sat 29-Oct-16 11:37:40

Your not stupid, you've been used. Stop doing the pick me dance and having sex with him. Get as much finincial information together as you can along with passports, birth certificates etc and then get legal advice.

Mix56 Sat 29-Oct-16 12:49:28

This OW is a fantasy, he never stopped loving her, she married someone else, & there has always been a fairy tale first love fallacy going on. When he discovered she wasn't happy he did a time warp. He may have loved her fist, but he did love you too, up until he discovered she was game for an affair, fist on paper/net, then for real.
He is keeping you dangling as he isn't 100% sure his infatuation is going to work out in the cold light of day.
Do not give this man your body, you are not a blow up doll. Its not because he is getting his rocks off that he will change his mind. in the contrary, it is disgusting that you are so desperate to "love " him he is getting un emotionally involved free sex.
Show him the door. only by pushing him out will there be any infinitesimal iota of a chance that he will back track.
Personally I would tell everyone, as loud as you want. It is not you, you are not a failure. It is him the Lying Cheating Bastard.

DiegeticMuch Sat 29-Oct-16 20:26:46

I'm very sorry. He sounds dreadful. You've done nothing wrong. This is his fault.

See a solicitor on Monday or Tuesday, find out where you stand.

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