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relationship red flags

(14 Posts)
dublingirl48653 Sat 29-Oct-16 00:13:07

so ok - it has only been a four week relationship but
what would you make of a guy who is always - 'meeting a friend for dinner' or going to the cinema 'with a friend' - he is out now having dinner 'with a friend' - fourth time this has happened this week and he is not free to chat
hmm ;/
time to move on?
is this common??
I really dont know so go easy on me ....

pictish Sat 29-Oct-16 00:16:35

Well...he might be out with a friend...or dating other people.

pictish Sat 29-Oct-16 00:17:18

Or married.
Or not.

I dunno. Your alarm bells are ringing obviously.

BubsAndMoo Sat 29-Oct-16 00:17:56

4 weeks? Is it really a relationship, or have you just gone on a few dates? Are you exclusive - have you had a conversation where you've both confirmed that you are not seeing other people and wish to exclusively date each other?

If not, it's not really any of your business whether these friends are other dates or not. I'd expect someone else to be seeing other people until we'd had 'the conversation'.

If you have, wouldnt you just ask him who the friend is?

user1469751309 Sat 29-Oct-16 00:18:13

Take a step back and let him do all the running for a bit and be a bit unavailable 'I'm going out with the girls ect' if he doesn't bother you know you've had a lucky escape! 💐

pictish Sat 29-Oct-16 00:19:50

Yep I agree with them.

dublingirl48653 Sat 29-Oct-16 00:38:00

ahhh interesting

thank you guys

alarm bells yes
going to go with gut feeling

def will be less available and if he is keen well then who knows

JoJoSM2 Sat 29-Oct-16 00:42:47

Silly games don't lead to anywhere. Have you read BubsAndMoo's post?

TheNaze73 Sat 29-Oct-16 02:14:07

Are you seriously calling 4 weeks a relationship?

Are you exclusive?

scaryclown Sat 29-Oct-16 02:40:01

i hate people who have a social life when they are in a relationship. When someone uses 'with a friend ' they may well.mean 'with a friend'. i am odd about separate sets of friends being too connected as otherwise i feel kind of small-town trapped, and sometimes its to avoid the 'going with cindy' oh who's cindy..she's someone i know, upstairs 'oh how did you get talking to her? stuff as i just dont want it on the way out.

I have also been out with a partner who used to say 'i know youve been cheating' with absolutely no cause. It said to me one or combo of three things 'when i am 'goimg out with a friend' i might be cheating' and 'everytime you dont account for your every move i will 'know' you are cheating' and 'even though.i know you and your value systems i still think of you as a useless liar'

all.of which i found quite opressive.

i've also had someone who even before dating said 'if you go out on a date you can't have any opposite sex or homosexual friends ever' as i need to be able to trust you (that was a head of HR whi thinks that all mixed sex interactions are sexual! shock)

herwegoagain123 Sun 30-Oct-16 12:44:43

Scaryclown you sound scary

LittleTripToHeaven Sun 30-Oct-16 14:32:39

Scary how can you hate people who have a social life when they are in a relationship?

Surely that is everyone who isn't in an abusive relationship or doesn't have a baby!

When I have dated, I've quite often had "dinner with a friend" or gone "to the pub with a friend".

It's always meant exactly that. If I've been asked who the friend was, I've always said. But I wouldn't say to someone I'd been on a couple of dates with, "I'm going out with John/Sarah" tomorrow, because it wouldn't mean anything to them.

I wouldn't multidate though, I'd see how it went with one person before going out with another. It just doesn't sit right with me.

LittleTripToHeaven Sun 30-Oct-16 14:33:54

I wouldn't play games either. Just ask him if these 'friends' are dates or friends. Ask him about them/his life, that's how you get to know someone.

Unless you think he's doing it to try and make you feel insecure. In which case; wide berth...

Chocolate123 Sun 30-Oct-16 14:37:50

I'd ask out straight. Maybe he's dating other people and won't stop until he's knows where your relationship is heading. Or he could be in relationship or married and playing the field with you.

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