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Rant, reassurance, advice anything

(5 Posts)
Namesake1012 Fri 28-Oct-16 21:12:27

Hi first timer here,

Need some help/advise. Been with my BF for 11yrs have a DS. Things have been strained for a really long time and I've often had flight feelings (nothing has come of them), But recently I feel it really strong and I know deep down that it is over. I love him for my son and for the yrs we've spent together. But not for my future and for me now. Today feels like the last straw and I need to let it out. He's been up all night from what I believe to copious amounts alcohol and or drugs. He's been aggressive all day, he's broken my TV and hurled abuse at me. This is not the first time he has been like this (minus the TV), but I know I can't be with him or continue to let this happen. But what do I do? He's now comatose on the sofa. I don't know what advise I'm expecting, maybe I need some reassurance. I don't want tomorrow to be forgiving towards him which is what I usually do. I don't know how to start this conversation with him. I don't know what to do.

MrsHathaway Fri 28-Oct-16 21:21:11

Tell people in real life. Tell your mum, your best friend, his best friend. Tell them his behaviour is unacceptable and you've had enough.

Telling people makes it real and it will help you hold your nerve.

OBVIOUSLY tell him too, but get your backup ready.

pallasathena Sat 29-Oct-16 09:03:02

You need a plan. You need to get out, get away, draw a line under this relationship as soon as you can. This is no way to bring up your young son, equally, its no way for you to live your life.
As for telling him its over, what do you think his reaction will be? Will he plead for forgiveness and promise to change? Will he get angry and hurt you? Will he react with giving you the silent treatment and the whole sorry mess predictably continues on a rinse and repeat cycle?
Only you know the answer to that.
So, you inform him that its over, then what? I'd suggest a fresh start for you and your child. Different place to live, different location, different people but only you can say if that is a practical option or not.
Either way, you must put yourself first now and put an escape plan into action. Action is key because after spending eleven years with someone who treats you so very badly, you're probably conditioned to having very low expectations, low self confidence and low self esteem. This will get better it really will but you have to be proactive. You have to take control. And there's no time like the present is there?
Dare to be awesome is what I told myself many years ago when I was in a similar position to yourself.
It worked!

CatBallou2 Sun 30-Oct-16 08:17:08

Please don't continue to live this life. Call women's aid and they'll, at least, help direct you to your first step to freedom from this man.

Can you contact drug support for families -
www.adfam.org.uk/ ? I believe the NHS provides support to families as well. Make an appointment with your GP to talk things through and get support.

All the very best to you.

WorriedWife2016 Sun 30-Oct-16 08:49:58

All good advice if he's abusive on drugs etc there will not be a happy ever after, listen to yourself.you already know the answer, yes it's scary going it alone and taking those steps but stating is a worse option.
Do you have family or friends close by that you could talk or go too?

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