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...and then he vanished

(145 Posts)
CestLaVie1975 Fri 28-Oct-16 16:54:20

Now I have had my fair share of dating experience but this has left me scratching my head thinking WTF!

I'm going to call him Casper. I met Casper 3 months ago on a night out, really unexpected. Anyway long story short we started dating. Saw him once or twice a week, daily texting.... the norm. I thought finally I'd met someone on the same page as me.

Anyway fast forward... weekend before last I saw him twice and during the week we were in contact every day as usual then last weekend came round and he text me to say did I want to come over Saturday to chill out. Sounded perfect to me so we spent a lovely night together, he asked if I was staying the night and I said no because I knew he had an early start on Sunday... no issues. I leave to go home he kissed me goodbye and said drive safely.

Last Sunday I didn't hear from him, which isn't unusual so I text him around 6pm and asked how his day went.... no response, really unusual for him. We are now on Friday and I haven't heard from him since.

Now I know I could text him or call but if I'm honest I'm not one to chase people down, if they want to contact you they will and up until Saturday he had no problem texting me.

I'm left here confused, thinking I've done something wrong but knowing I haven't. I think I've just been dating a coward who cannot communicate with me. Why invite me round on the Saturday if he knew he had reservations about us.

One I will put down to experience but again another guy has chipped away at my already delicate confidence and thinking I'm not good enough.

luckylucky24 Fri 28-Oct-16 16:56:56

Maybe he didn't get your text?

I would just text again and if you hear nothing then assume he is not interested.

TheNaze73 Fri 28-Oct-16 17:00:12

Think you've been ghosted

ChuckBiscuits Fri 28-Oct-16 17:04:21

Did Casper and you play hide the sausage?

CestLaVie1975 Fri 28-Oct-16 17:06:17

He definitely got the text as I sent it via whatsapp. Anyway as I said the week previous he was texting everyday without issue, whether I initiated or not. It's the complete change of mind overnight I will never understand

CestLaVie1975 Fri 28-Oct-16 17:07:20

Haha, we played hide the sausage often... he's definitely not getting anymore

mumofone1234 Fri 28-Oct-16 17:07:35

Yes, I was wondering if this was once you finally slept together too

adora1 Fri 28-Oct-16 17:08:51

He's met someone else, got back with an ex?

CestLaVie1975 Fri 28-Oct-16 17:11:07

Getting back with an ex is a possibility, they split a couple of months before we met. If that's the case I just wish he'd had the balls to be honest

mumofone1234 Fri 28-Oct-16 17:29:14

You need to definitely not contact him again. He does sound like a coward. He's not dead, or in hospital or lost his phone. For whatever reason he currently thinks he can do better (sorry OP, just saying it straight because I know how tempting it is to make excuses for them). If you go no contact he will no doubt be back in time, sniffing around. They all do this. He'll be expecting you to contact him again. When you don't he'll be scratching his head thinking 'this one's different...maybe I made a mistake' hmm

CestLaVie1975 Fri 28-Oct-16 17:36:09

I've deleted his number to stop me obsessing on whatsapp so I can't text him even if I wanted to. If he thinks he can do better than me then good luck to him.

I don't hate him I'm just gutted and disappointed and stupidly miss him

adora1 Fri 28-Oct-16 17:46:53

men are terrible for this, they just disappear rather than being upfront and honest. OP, take heart, do you really want to be with someone that can be this cruel? No.

80schild Fri 28-Oct-16 17:57:05

DH did this to me after three months. Not a word for over a week. It turned out he was seriously ill (maybe I won't pass on all the details). When he eventually did call two weeks later I gave him such a bollocking for not letting me know. It wasn't until I saw him I understood how close he had been to death. It might not be what you think it is.

ChequeOff Fri 28-Oct-16 17:59:30

I've read all of your posts an replies. So he's:

1. met someone else/got back together with his ex
2. had a massive change of heart or is overwhelmed and unsure what to do
3. something has happened that made him physically incapable of picking up the phone

You know it's not 3.
1 is possible. But he should have the decency to let you know.
2 - well, you could hang around and wait for him to communicate whatever he is feeling/thinking when he's ready to. But to be honest, it is quite immature behaviour.

How old is he and do you know how experienced he is in relationships?

ChequeOff Fri 28-Oct-16 18:00:34

4. what 80schild said

CestLaVie1975 Fri 28-Oct-16 18:08:28

He's 38 (im 41) so he's old enough to know better. He came out of a 3 year relationship a couple of months before me and before that a 5 year relationship.

I think he's had a change of heart over night and didn't want to be honest and just ignored me hoping I get the message and disappear myself, well he's got what he wanted.... maybe I've let him off too easy.

Still doesn't make sense .....

Hotwaterbottle1 Fri 28-Oct-16 18:15:31

It would bug me too much, I'd have to contact him just to ask!!

Coconutty Fri 28-Oct-16 18:19:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CestLaVie1975 Fri 28-Oct-16 18:20:14

Well his number has been deleted. The thought of texting him and for him to ignore me is too much at the moment... he may have blocked me.

f83mx Fri 28-Oct-16 18:25:06

you've deleted him number after one missed text? Why don't you text and ask him whats up/wrong etc. You can't leave it hanging like this!

Hotwaterbottle1 Fri 28-Oct-16 18:31:59

You could find the number on your phone bill?

CestLaVie1975 Fri 28-Oct-16 18:32:55

If he wants to text he knows where I am. Didn't stop him before. I deleted his number to stop me obsessing over WhatsApp... the online status is the work of the devil .... I very much doubt he's lost his mobile he's just being an arse

CestLaVie1975 Fri 28-Oct-16 18:34:00

I did think that but my EE account doesn't have itemised billing

TessMcNess Fri 28-Oct-16 18:35:02

You are a role model in how to react to being ghosted Cest flowers

Giselaw Fri 28-Oct-16 18:35:53

I remember men dissapearing after a few dates, but 3 months of dating and you delete his number after one missed text? God, the dating world has changed. I would honestly worry he was ill / in accident and his phone was crushed into billion pieces before I thought he dumped me. But I suppose if he was, he would have by now contacted you and tell you. I'd get eaten alive out there in the dating world being this naive, wouldn't I. shock

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