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NoCapes thread 3 - flying solo

(191 Posts)
NoCapes Fri 28-Oct-16 16:36:02

Thread 3 shock

Ayeok Fri 28-Oct-16 16:45:17

Woo first post on a new thread grin
Is he due to have the kids at yours tomorrow? What are the logistics of him seeing them?
I'm glad you cancelled the spa day, I think it would have eaten you up inside if you'd gone and you have enough to cope with at the moment. Ugh, he's a bastard. You were clearly telling him no, even if you weren't, he has no right to touch you without your consent. flowers

GiddyOnZackHunt Fri 28-Oct-16 16:48:17

Can you just ask what the hell he thought he was doing last night. A tipsy kiss wasn't consent for sex and you quite clearly told him you didn't want sex.
That sort of pure the ball back in his court, to apologise, to joke it off, whatever. But hopefully condemn himself. And then you have what you need to go the police, doctor or just a contact centre.

NoCapes Fri 28-Oct-16 16:49:32

I'm not sure what his plans were tbh, I think he was going between the house and taking them out, like he had no real plans and was going to use mine as a base throughout the day
Obviously he'll have to figure something else out now, he won't be coming in any further than the porch from now on

NoCapes Fri 28-Oct-16 16:50:31

Oh that's quite a good idea Giddy just ask him what the hell that was and see what he thinks happened
I might do this

Ayeok Fri 28-Oct-16 16:52:33

Is Mamacapes or someone else around tomorrow to be there with you at pick up/drop off? I'm worried for you Capes, especially if he's going to refuse to admit what he did was rape. Does he know he's not getting in your house again?

GiddyOnZackHunt Fri 28-Oct-16 16:54:18

Don't get drawn into a conversation about it though. You know how he persuades you that you're overreacting. I'd include "I told you no and you carried on. Why?"

NoCapes Fri 28-Oct-16 16:54:26

No aye I've had no communication with him yet at all

Lynnm63 Fri 28-Oct-16 16:54:53

I agree text back with a wtf did you do last night you knew I didn't want sex. Whatever his response it can only assist you. If he doesn't deny it, that is good.
If Mama Capes pushes you for further details I think you should tell her. I'd be really upset if you kept this from me if I was your mum.

Ayeok Fri 28-Oct-16 16:55:42

I just don't want him turning up tomorrow and kicking off because he's not welcome (quite fucking rightly not welcome!) in your house any more. He's hurt you and the kids enough already.

NoCapes Fri 28-Oct-16 16:55:55

Yes that's good Giddy I'm going to text him

Argh I'm nervous - can I give you his number and you do it for me 🙈

Ayeok Fri 28-Oct-16 16:56:52

Oh god don't give me his number, I'll scream abuse at the bastard til I've lost my voice, then give him evil phone calls every hour on the hour for the next month just to freak him out grin

Ayeok Fri 28-Oct-16 16:57:34

<waves to Giddy and Lynn>

GiddyOnZackHunt Fri 28-Oct-16 16:59:40

Ha. I wouldn't trust me not to track him down and go to the police if I had his mobile number...

GiddyOnZackHunt Fri 28-Oct-16 17:00:35

Good to see you Aye smile

ChuckBiscuits Fri 28-Oct-16 17:02:42

He's still being a knobber I see.

NoCapes Fri 28-Oct-16 17:07:32

😂 ok yeah maybe I'll just text him myself ..

Ayeok Fri 28-Oct-16 17:10:43

Thanks Giddy
Mind you, if you ever really want to unleash hell all you need to do is tell us where he lives grin I might be too far away to actually throttle him, but I reckon he'd get fed up of 700 pizza deliveries and 450 taxis a day smile
He'd really be scared with the wrath of the Capettes unleashed on him <laughs maniacally>

skyyequake Fri 28-Oct-16 17:19:04

I'm fine Capes! I'm worried about you! You are so strong but there is only so much weight you can carry on your shoulders. You need to find some way to share the load, or offload in a safe environment. For me, it's a way to touch base each week, to put a pause on life to consider my feelings and his behaviours and learn how to deal with them without outside distractions.

He has made you numb Capes, you are just rolling with the punches at the moment, putting up boundaries but without letting yourself have perfectly natural human emotions. You are too used to this. One foot in front of the other works for the short-term but in the long-term you need to be able to heal, and you can only heal by acknowledging that you are hurt.

Abuse is about more than being a twat, he's gotten inside your head, he's twisted your memories, your emotions and even your very beliefs to fit what he wants and what he thinks should be. It takes more than just an "enough" moment to undo that. It is about unravelling the true you, from the you that has come into existence to appease him. It is a hard hard task, but it is so much easier when you have help, when you have validation from others that what he has done, and is continuing to do, is not okay.

I hope you're feeling ok, and that you find a way past this horrible situation that you're in flowers

Lynnm63 Fri 28-Oct-16 17:21:27

Yes please please give me his number and address. He really wouldn't like me. I too would pass his details to the police. We all thought he was just a knobhead but now we know he's much worst.
Waves back to aye

GiddyOnZackHunt Fri 28-Oct-16 17:23:01

<high fives the indomitable skyye >
<remembers self is approaching 50 blush >

skyyequake Fri 28-Oct-16 17:32:19

Oooh give me his number! Anyone want to place any bets on how many times I can play the Chuggington theme tune down the phone to him in a day??

skyyequake Fri 28-Oct-16 17:33:01

Giddy you're never too old for a high five!

madgingermunchkin Fri 28-Oct-16 17:33:29

Oh capes. Please don't be alone when he picks up and drops off tomorrow.

Ayeok Fri 28-Oct-16 17:36:07

Skyye you're an evil genius! May I suggest adding the sodding Paw Patrol one to it too? And Mickey Mouse. He'd be begging for it to stop within an hour grin <High fives Giddy> I love a good high five Giddy and I'm nearly 35 grin

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