Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Please help. Has anyone reported rape and been through the court process?

(18 Posts)
AskingForIt Fri 28-Oct-16 06:07:41

I reported a couple of months ago and inspite of the polices best efforts to reassure me I'm scared I've made a bad decision and that I'm not strong enough to go through the court process. Though I am very aware it is unlikely to get that far as it is just my word against his.

Anyone have any words of wisdom? Or have first hand experience of a rape trial in any capacity? I'm really struggling 😕

GruffaloPants Fri 28-Oct-16 06:18:26

I'm sorry I don't have any experience of use, but I wanted to wish you well, and good luck flowers

AristotlesTrousers Fri 28-Oct-16 06:57:34

I've never been through the process myself, but just wanted to offer a handhold (I nearly reported a historic assault recently but for various reasons couldn't go through with it). I'm sure there are MNers who will be able to advise you though.

Wishing you strength. flowers

WowserBowser Fri 28-Oct-16 07:08:39

Yes i have been. I'm so sorry you are having to go through this.

Well done for reporting.

Is there anything you would like to know specifically? Or just general experience?

We can all do a bit of hand holding if you like?

flowers

Tartle Fri 28-Oct-16 07:14:57

Whilst I haven't been through this myself I have supported a friend through it. The volunteers from the Rape and Sexual Violence Project who the police put her in touch with were excellent and I would recommend getting in touch as they can offer a great deal of both emotional and practical, legal support.

So sorry that you have to go through this flowers

legotits Fri 28-Oct-16 07:28:51

No advice lass but another hand here. flowers

As daunting as it seems there will be someone here to help you through.

Mrsemcgregor Fri 28-Oct-16 08:50:02

My sister went through a sexual assault trial (not rape but some random guy groped and masturbated on her in an elevator). It was fairly cut and dry because he was caught in the act and arrested immediately and eventually pled guilty. But the whole thing was awful so although I have no experience of a jury trial I wanted to offer a hand hold flowers

AskingForIt Fri 28-Oct-16 09:07:49

Thank you everybody.

I'm scared about my private life being scrutinised and made public, scared about it getting into the papers, scared of seeing him. Scared I will look stupid, that I will be made to look like a liar. Scared of either outcome. Basically I now wish I had kept my mouth shut but it's too late...

Mrsemcgregor Fri 28-Oct-16 09:43:17

Remember you will have complete anonymity. Your name will not get out.

It makes me so mad that a woman's private life can be used as a way to get a man off of a rape charge. It's fucking disgusting.

Remember you are a very brave woman. You reported it, that's a huge courageous step. Try not to let fear of "shame" deter you from getting the justice you deserve. The ONLY person who should be worried is the scum who did this to you.

flowers

legotits Fri 28-Oct-16 10:02:10

He did this, any fallout is firmly at his feet.

If you continue with the complaint you can't let this be your fault.
You are doing what is right, for yourself.

He did this. He caused this to happen, not you reporting. He knows how much shite it can cause but he did it regardless.

Don't be harder on yourself.

AskingForIt Fri 28-Oct-16 10:42:18

I can't get away from the guilt. Feeling that I should have kept quiet.

The fear that I have made a mistake. What if I've got it all wrong somehow. He genuinely believes he did nothing wrong. What if that is seen as 'reasonable belief' that I consented? It all just feels overwhelming.

Tartle Fri 28-Oct-16 22:11:44

He did this, not you. You have nothing to feel guilty about. I hope you have someone to talk to irl? Are you getting any counselling? flowers

JaniceBattersby Fri 28-Oct-16 23:50:50

I have not given evidence at court but I have sat through many, many rape trials as a journalist.

Please be reassured that you will have complete anonymity for the rest of your life. That's not just your name, it's any identifying details at all, including your relationship to the defendant.

It is very unlikely that a reporter will be in court. They don't let us out much these days!

It's also incredibly unlikely that a judge will allow your past sexual activity to be use during in evidence. Thankfully, those days are largely gone. The Evans case was very unusual.

I've seen defendants who are clearly guilty walk out of court free men because there isn't enough proof, yes. However, a not guilty verdict doesn't mean they didn't do it. Juries know this and they sympathise with you. Ive seen jurors in tears delivering not guilty verdicts because the burden of proof is so high.

You know you're telling the truth. You know it happened. The very best you can do is stand there and tell them what happened and hold your head up high and hope for the best. No court verdict can alter what happened.

Just know that the more women who have the courage to take these bastards to court, the more voices women have and the more chance that eventually society will return a reasonable conviction rate for rape. If nothing else, you're giving a voice to all rape victims everywhere.

If it's got as far as a charge, then multiple, intelligent, trained experts believe this has happened to you.

Good luck flowers

AskingForIt Sat 29-Oct-16 02:15:05

Thank you. I'm having counselling but was told I can't actually talk about what's happened. And I really need to.

He hasn't been charged and I doubt it will get that far as it's just my word against his 🙁

Feel stupid for ever saying anything

I'm going through this myself. The trial starts next year and I'm petrified

AskingForIt Sat 29-Oct-16 02:20:31

I can imagine. How long did the investigation take? I'm finding it hard waiting for a decision

OurBlanche Sat 29-Oct-16 16:37:20

1985... I went with police to his office, pointed at him, he was arrested.

Stood up in court, told how I knew him, walked home with him and a group of friends, he walked me 'safely to my front door' and raped me against the side wall of the house.

He said I wanted it... I said that if that were true there was a bed inside the house, I would have been mad to prefer the bruises, skin scrapes and ruined clothes I got from being thrown up against a rough brick wall.

His solicitor tried to say I was 'wanton'. My solicitor agreed that I liked sex... with men I chose.

He was found guilty!

The police investigation, from walking me into his office, in front of his colleagues, to taking my statement in a room with the door open, was the most impersonal, humiliating thing I have ever been through - apparently they wanted to be sure I meant to press charges, so they made it uncomfortable for me!

The court room was not much better, my 'brief' was a very brusque man, who said that I could have slept with every footballer in the 1st Division as far as he was concerned, and seemed to enjoy representing a woman as sexually independent and active 'as a man'.

The jury looked at me 'like that'... one woman kept wrinkling her upper lip at me. The judge smiled at me and nodded a lot.

I was angry, it helped!

Good luck finding your own way of coping with this. You can, you will... it will not be pleasant but you will get through it!

AskingForIt Sat 29-Oct-16 17:43:33

Thank you, well done for surviving such an ordeal. Very brave. Thankfully my experience with the police has on the whole been very positive so far.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now