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I dont think my boyfriend likes me

(22 Posts)
edgarsuit Thu 27-Oct-16 17:50:55

.. so my partnrr and i have been together about 10 months now and he seems to be a different person from when we started out. I know that everyone gets comfortable and thats a good thing in a relationship but how do you know of its just that your not right.
Over time he has shown his true colours hes extremly lazy his house is discusting and dispite me having a heart to heart about it with him stating not only is it gross it makes my life extremly hard work when i stay ober with my kids 3and 6 as its so unorganised and dirty. Needless to say nothing happened.
His personal hygene is rediculous We stayed this week as it was half term and he didnt shower between sat and wed And its such a turn off i just didnt even want to cuddle him in bed let alone have sex .
And sometimes it just seems like he dosent want to talk to me weve gone a whe evening without speaking and when ive casually asked if everything was ok he seemed fine , hes quite a quiet person in general tho
When we r at mine hes great he chips in hes helpful hes a different person and he will make the effort to travel the 3hours to mine on the train even takes me 1.5 hours to drive to him .
Is this just a relationship and im being needy or is he just slowly checking out of the relationship.

AttilaTheMeerkat Thu 27-Oct-16 17:54:22

What do you get out of this relationship now, what is in this for you?.

He sounds like a cocklodger happy to reap the fruits of your own labours and they certainly target single mums because such men think that those women will put up with any behaviours because they want male company.
He does not sound like a great role model for your children to look up to either.

Clearly this is not working out so why do you not tell him that this is no longer working for you?. He is using you and currently you're letting him do this.

Naicehamshop Thu 27-Oct-16 17:54:25

Someone who doesn't wash?confused

I'd be only too pleased if he checked out - in fact I'd be helping him on his way!

adora1 Thu 27-Oct-16 17:59:35

No the not washing cannot continue, if not for himself, he needs to appreciate he has a partner who does not want to smell his odours!

I'd not go back to his OP, you will just spend your time cleaning the place.

So, he's dirty and lazy, do you really want a future with someone like that?

JagWalker Thu 27-Oct-16 18:12:09

I wouldn't want to be with someone who doesn't wash! Have you spoken to him about how that makes you feel?

To be honest, how he keeps his home is up to him though, I suppose it would be nice if he made more of an effort especially if he has children staying there too but it really is his choice as long as he doesn't expect you to clean it up for him. I would stop visiting though if it's that bad it affects your children.

My partner and i have been together about the same time, we can spend whole evenings together and barely speak. It is comfortable though, we are happy to do our own thing and just be "around" each other rather than giving each other undivided attention all night. He'll play a computer game while I read or whatever, not every evening but many of the ones we spend together. I don't feel like its because he doesn't like me.

It's nice that he makes an effort to travel so far for you but that's not enough to base a relationship on and you don't sound happy.

QuiteLikely5 Thu 27-Oct-16 18:12:42

His home is indicative of who he is - an absolute sloth or stinker grin

I could not have a man like that near me or even in my bed

You deserve better

The guy is showing you who he is - trying to change him won't work - it will cause tension, as people don't generally like being told they need to change.

category12 Thu 27-Oct-16 18:18:43

Um, ditch him and don't look back.

HorridHenrietta2 Thu 27-Oct-16 18:21:53

Right well he sounds like quite a catch, I can see why you're worried about losing him confused
Seriously, if you want to stay with somebody like this then that's your business but ask yourself is it really fair to be involving your young children?

Simonneilsbeard Thu 27-Oct-16 18:34:10

Eek get rid
Why would you want to bring your little ones into a dirty home? Around a man who doesn't wash.
You've had a heart to heart and he hasn't changed so unfortunately that's who he is. He chips in when he's at your home for now but eventually his filthy ways will creep in there as he gets more comfortable.

DonaldStott Thu 27-Oct-16 18:45:57

Urgh. Can't believe you take your kids there. He does sound like he is more than happy to be mothered by you. Is this what you want? 3 children to look after?

edgarsuit Thu 27-Oct-16 18:47:21

Much the response as i had thought .. i agree he is quite probably showing me his true colours and this is not how he protrayed himself at the beginji g of the relationship.. obviously he does have very good qualities or i wouldnt have dated him in the 1st place for those who are wondering why
He is fantastic with my chidren and treats them as his own he has two girls of his own who are older. When were at my house hell put the kids to bed while i go for a run he does the whole routie story bath chatting and praising etc . When we 1st met we spent most of the time talkinh on the phone and would talk for at least 3 hours a night when not busy i wpuld put him on hands free and continue with my chores . but that sode of our relationship has completly vanished now and i feel like i have been duped like he was a complete fake (except being great with thw kids )
He hand made there birthday presents for them (tool bench and dressing table) but as im writing this i must be honest in that inam struggling to think what is in it for ME .
except being amazing in bed and having a real connection when hes showered of course . 😐
I do sort of feel like thats all we have now

AnyFucker Thu 27-Oct-16 18:48:39

Why are you subjecting your childten to this lazy minger ?

PoldarksBreeches Thu 27-Oct-16 18:50:19

Why are you inflicting this on your children? Why are they even staying at his for weekends? 1.5 hours each way to stay in a filthy house with your boyfriend of 9 months confused

Simonneilsbeard Thu 27-Oct-16 18:51:38

I wouldn't be letting someone I'd known only 10 months bath my children ..I wouldn't feel comfortable with that at all. Perhaps that's just me

BastardGoDarkly Thu 27-Oct-16 18:52:34

I wouldn't be having a bloke I'd only known 10 months bathing and putting my kids to bed while I'm out tbh.

BastardGoDarkly Thu 27-Oct-16 18:53:01

X post Simon 😀

RunRabbitRunRabbit Thu 27-Oct-16 18:55:50

Yuck. Get rid. This one started out nice but turned out to be well manky on closer inspection.

loobyloo1234 Thu 27-Oct-16 18:56:29

He didn't shower for 4 days? hmm

That alone would be enough for me to end the relationship. Yuk

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties Thu 27-Oct-16 19:06:05

I think he has got used to his own company and living on his own where he could please himself and be sloppy about hygiene. I wonder if he was single for quite a while before meeting you? That would also explain him retreating into himself because he has got used to his own company.

Make it clear that all this could be a deal breaker for you, or issue an ultimatum.

I have to say I too am concerned that he is more interested in your children than you. I don't think he should be left alone with them yet, it's early days. I would question why he is so keen to bath them, sorry.

hermione2016 Thu 27-Oct-16 19:24:53

The purpose of dating is to find out what someone is like, that can take up to 2 years.

Within a year you have found out traits which for lots of people would be a deal breaker.

If he's an adult then he's not likely to change so it's your choice..tolerate stuff you don't like or just accept the relationship has run its course.

Figuring this out early on is a good thing.Dont feel it's a failure, it's success.

I would be cautious with the bathing of 2 young girls, just feels if it's a boundary that shouldn't be crossed by a boyfriend so early on.

Dahlietta Thu 27-Oct-16 19:33:04

Never mind whether he likes you - doesn't sound like you like him much!

TheNaze73 Thu 27-Oct-16 20:27:57

Why is he the cocklodger??? I dibt get that comment??

He sounds grim. Anyone who failed to shower or wash for that amount of time would repulse me

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