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Planning to leave (secretly) -advice??

(2 Posts)
StrictlyComeDivorcing Thu 27-Oct-16 08:40:21

Name changed for this funnily enough. Abusive relationship - coercive control, no violence but escalation of behaviour recently and its affecting our boy. I;ve been asking for divorce for 10 months and just about to get court papers in - but DH refuses to go (has another house in a different town where he lives 2 nights a week for work, I live and work locally)
Its a nightmare. I may have found a flat for a short ish term rent. I don't know how long the divorce might take and I don't think i can take it any more at home. Discussed briefly interim orders to get him out with solicitor but she thinks it'll really really escalate things with DH who is alledging lots of the usual stuff - I;m mad, I abuse the child (as still BFing at near 3), I couldn't manage without him, I'm unfit, I'm an alcoholic etc etc. None true funnily enough. Been getting ood support from women's aid and solicitor has been helpful but can be hard to get hold of at times.
I'm thinking if I can get the keys and move a few wee bits over (inc important stuff like passports) we could just flit one day and not come home. It just sounds like bliss
Meeting solicitor in a week or so. Any advcie about how I would stand with access arrangements?DS is absolutely securely attached to me, and while he enjoys seeing a bit of DH, DH has never really made much of an effort. We now are at the stage where he won't let DH empty the potty (as Mummy does it) and he won't leave the house with DH. This means I would obviously move out with DS but I don't want to stop DH seeing his son as that would only make trouble for me in the long run. I'm wondering if I should leave a note and say we'll be back for x hours on a Sat or whether we can just wait for court....

loveyoutothemoon Thu 27-Oct-16 12:21:47

I'm sorry no-one has come back to you with useful advice.

If your DH has never shown abusive behaviour towards you and your DS could you tell him you're going? It might cause lots of problems if you secretly go.

You'll need to come to an agreed arrangement re access.

Yes maybe transfer a few things over to the new place so it's not as much of a job when you go.

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