Have posted this (twice accidentally) in 30 Days Only but then I remembered there was a whole board for this kind of stuff.
NC'd for this.
Feeling very lost rn, needing some practical advice and I guess hand holding.
I'm 20 and currently have a year out from uni (2nd year) after a bout of depression and PTSD from a previous sexual assault. Had to move back to my home town, but relationship with DM was so bad I couldn't stay there and moved out (but that's a whole other thread). Luckily DF could see it was toxic and kindly supported me.
Shortly after moving back, met a guy at work - had so much in common, great chemistry etc. etc. Being in the whirlwind that my life was (had to leave uni, move home, MH crisis) I fell in love and started a relationship with him very quickly. Our job (bar work) meant we would go out and get pissed every week with colleagues. Boyfriend often turns into an immature selfish fuckwit when drunk.
One night, I was drunk but fully in control of myself. Got back to my flat and started to have sex, I wanted to stop and told him. Met with complaints of 'aren't you going to get me off' etc, and when I said no, he carried on. I just let it happen. He also did anal on me which I'd said so many times I wasn't comfortable with and had said no before and at the time, but he didn't listen. I assume he managed to 'get himself off', I don't remember him finishing so expect I'd passed out by this point.
To complicate things further (and I'm sorry for the essay length of this post) when this happened he had recently found out he was leaving for a job in France, so I am safe from him now. But this just added to the guilt and letting him get away with whatever he wanted.
When I told him what he'd done the next day, he seemed genuinely shocked but also didn't apologise. He then turns on the 'I'm such an idiot, can't do anything right' etc. and I'm expected to boost his ego.
It's now been two months since he left (three months since this happened), and I still don't feel over it. My MH (which was slowly improving) has suffered massively, currently on SSP because I've sunk that low. I have only seen him once since he left didn't discuss it then bc I was genuinely happy to see him. He keeps pressuring me to book flights to go and see him so he can parade me around his mates, and has booked and paid for 3 nights in Paris in Nov. I've opened up to a few friends about this, and I know I need to seek help, I just don't know how.
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Feeling very lost (tw: abuse)
6 replies
redweather · 26/10/2016 20:51
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