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Am I being used or does he care

(70 Posts)
Blushingm Wed 26-Oct-16 20:11:18

Been friends with guy for 3 years, been sleeping together all that time and yet in his words I'm not 'Mrs material'
I've met some of his family, I've met his son, I've spoken to his mum on the phone and by text - she always says she wishes she knew me better. His family all know who I am and that we aren't a couple

I know he chats on plenty of fish. He said he really liked one girl and was really down when she wouldn't meet up with him.

We've both always said we are going to be friends for life but that we won't ever be together . I don't think I'd ever be able to cope with living with him but the thought of him with someone else crushes me.

Is he using me for sex and company til someone better comes along?

MrsBertBibby Wed 26-Oct-16 20:15:35


AnyFucker Wed 26-Oct-16 20:17:10


PinkSquash Wed 26-Oct-16 20:18:16

Of course he is and it isn't doing you any favours.

eddielizzard Wed 26-Oct-16 20:18:41


get out there and find someone much nicer.

DeleteOrDecay Wed 26-Oct-16 20:20:23

Yes and over time this will erode away at your self esteem, if it hasn't already.

You deserve better, ditch him and find someone who wants the same things as youflowers

IminaPickle Wed 26-Oct-16 20:21:38

Yes. Do you think you deserve better?

Sweets101 Wed 26-Oct-16 20:24:52

Yes, not meaning to be unkind but why are you asking? He's already told you this himself.

SoleBizzz Wed 26-Oct-16 20:27:27

Omg yes. You are his doormat. He sounds so unable to care about how you feel about you, him and together. it's unreal. I feel sorry for you as I know how you feel. He is using you and gets a kick from you loving him. You do love him don't you? Or can we when we dislike ourselves so much someone treating you like shit is better than ...what..being lonely?

MagicalMrsMistoffelees Wed 26-Oct-16 20:27:38

Read your OP back but this time pretend it's one of your friends speaking and asking you for advice. What would you say to them?

You have your answer.

FetchezLaVache Wed 26-Oct-16 20:32:34

He's told you he doesn't see you as LTR material. He openly discusses his OLD prospects with you. For goodness' sake listen to what he is telling you! Either you're happy with being FBs or you're not, and if you're not, you need to get out. You deserve far better.

alphabook Wed 26-Oct-16 20:34:56

Yes. I was in a situation like this and it took me way too long to realise that he wasn't really my friend. Friends shouldn't be treated with so little respect.

YoHoHoandabottleofTequila Wed 26-Oct-16 20:37:13


HardToDeal Wed 26-Oct-16 20:37:57

Yes. Have you slept with anyone else in that time? What would happen if you did?

category12 Wed 26-Oct-16 20:38:20

Are you happy? Do you actually want a full-on relationship?

Louisajohnson224 Wed 26-Oct-16 20:44:47

Of course he doesn't care...soon as he meets someone he will drop you like a hot brick.
You are good whilst he is single and needs sex..wouldn't count on him being friends after he gets a gf either.
End it now,you will get hurt otherwise
I think you know you will ..

Blushingm Wed 26-Oct-16 20:47:07

I'm terrified of being lonely and no one ever wanting me ever again,so the fact he's been sleeping with me this long makes me think he must like me. He talks to me every day......doesn't that means he cares?

But then I have zero self esteem - an unhappy marriage eroded what little I ever had

Louisajohnson224 Wed 26-Oct-16 20:49:38

Of course people will want you ..he doesn't want you ..your just someone to sleep with.
Do you not want someone to date? Not just have sex with?
He isn't helping your self esteem ..if he cared about you he wouldn't be doing what he is doing

Angleshades Wed 26-Oct-16 20:52:47

Turn the tables. Can you imagine yourself sleeping with a man for 3 years and telling him he's not marriage material while chatting to other blokes on plenty of fish? D'you think that action would make him feel good? Would you say it because you cared about him? No. You probably wouldn't behave like that to anyone right? So why is it ok for a guy to do this to you?

category12 Wed 26-Oct-16 20:53:29

I should think he cares, but it doesn't sound like he wants any more with you than he already has. Is that OK with you?

If you want a conventional relationship on the escalator to living together and all that, then he's not your man. And I think you should probably do some work on your self-esteem with counselling or something, and see where you are.

PinkSquash Wed 26-Oct-16 20:54:07

Have you dated anyone in these past three years?

Blushingm Wed 26-Oct-16 20:54:33

I'd love someone to date but I don't think anyone will want to date me!

I'm fat & old & boring. There's nothing exciting or interesting or attractive about me

He tells me he loves me and that he will always be there

Am I really that much of a chump?

AnyFucker Wed 26-Oct-16 20:55:34

Oh dear me.

He likes you alright. When Plenty of Fish isn't dealing the goods

You are worth much more than this

PinkSquash Wed 26-Oct-16 20:56:27

You deserve more than to be someone's fall back option! If he likes you, then many other people will be interested in you too.

Work on your self esteem

GrinchyMcGrincherson Wed 26-Oct-16 21:03:09

He's an utter commitment phone. Stop sleeping with him right now. Give him the ultimatum just friends or a relationship. Mean it. If he really does love you he will commit. If he doesn't you are better off out of it or your life will be one of heartache and being chucked to One side every time he sees someone he fancies on a dating site.

If he flees walk away and find someone who cares for you properly.

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