Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Why so unpleasant? ?

(9 Posts)
RolfsBabyGrand Wed 26-Oct-16 19:22:41

Split with ex six months ago after he cheated on me. I've pulled my life together and realised I can have happy future without him.

I want us to be separately happy and when necessary make parenting decisions together.

However. ..He seems intent on being unpleasant. Taking pleasure in revealing details of his affair, refusing to reply to simple requests eg "do you have DC wellies he needs them".

He's downright rude when he does text. But interestingly full of remorse and concern in real life.

I find it disturbing that he switches masks and personas so easily. Makes me doubt all of our years together.

I suspect his partner (the OW) monitors his texts and it suits him to give the impression of "my awful and demanding ex, poor me, that's why I cheated" and to convince her I'm not a threat to their relationship.

It's just odd and unnecessary and is making me anxious about future cos parenting. How do I deal with this? Has anyone been taken aback by ex changing so fundamentally?

RolfsBabyGrand Wed 26-Oct-16 19:28:20

Co parenting not cos!

jeaux90 Wed 26-Oct-16 19:32:07

Honestly I think you have two choices here. You either sit him down and tell him to stop as you want to focus on co parenting amicably. Or you just keep being consistently bland in the responses and ignore any abuse or rudeness. Just keep the messages on point. Eventually he will stop when he doesn't get the responses he wants I expect.

madgingermunchkin Wed 26-Oct-16 19:33:17

He's trying to provoke a response.

Ignore, ignore, ignore.

jeaux90 Wed 26-Oct-16 19:33:22

Or both, deploy both strategies. Good luck. He does sound like a right nob so I hope you are enjoying your freedom x

Carlinamoon1 Wed 26-Oct-16 20:04:24

I totally feel your pain after a particularly ridiculous exchange with my ex earlier. In my case it's not so much that he has changed (he always had the tendency to be an arsehole!) more a case if he is unpredictable. He can be quite reasonable and then at other times very hostile for no apparent reason. We split properly a year ago and have been divorced for 5 months. He upset my daughter while she was out with him earlier so I phoned him (at her request) he was extremely antagonistic and was acting like a child. My daughters later informed me that my ringtone on his phone was '99 problems but a b** ain't one' by Jay Z! He also regularly shares ridiculous posts on FB about how he is now free from the control of an evil person etc. These are liked and encouraged by work colleagues (who never met me). Anyone that knows us both is aware of how badly he treated me and of his cheating. I don't care personally but I don't think my daughters should have to see their father behaving like a pathetic child on a public forum. The man is 42 FFS! I suspect that his actions are sometimes for the benefit of the ow but I do wonder why she doesn't question why he can't sustain relationships with family or mainatain any friendships for longer than a few months. I hope your ex becomes more reasonable better but I doubt mine will. I can't wait until my girls finish their education and I no longer have to deal with his nonsense. He is also in the process of becoming a Jehovah's Witness so at least I won't have to worry about him seeing the girls at Christmas or having to put up with him at birthday parties etc! 😂
I would ignore his silly behaviour, it's not easy but it's definitely the best option. Good luck 😊

RolfsBabyGrand Wed 26-Oct-16 20:34:46

Lol carlina that's one way to solve Xmas arrangements!

I think ignoring is the only way. When I've sat down and told him what upsets me he nods and sympathises, then clearly goes back to partner and shares, then they ramp up the hurtful stuff.

I also think he is bad mouthing me when I've been nothing but reasonable. His mum won't communicate with me and we previously got on well. It really hurts me but I'll have to pretend it doesn't.

madgingermunchkin Wed 26-Oct-16 20:55:36

Don't try and talk to him about it, that's what he wants. He then knows he gets a reaction and carries on.

It's like a toddler. Ignore the bad, react to the good.

Mum4Fergus Wed 26-Oct-16 21:40:25

Jaysus...I thought this was only happening to me!! X attitude to me has swung from one end of the scale to the other then back again...sometimes it happens over the course of months but last/this time it was literally hours. I don't know to this day what set it off. Suffice to say I've withdrawn my permission for him to see DS until he can address his behaviour...

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now