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Pointless bickering

(11 Posts)
Booglebrains Wed 26-Oct-16 13:58:55

It feels like DH and I are constantly bickering about ridiculous, pointless stuff. By nature, he's openly very competitive and I'm not at all.
For example, we're currently decorating our house, have a week off work with young DCS and we're taking it in turns to look after them and do the decorating between us.
This morning, I stayed in bed a little longer than DH whilst he made their breakfast and I searched on the Ipad for new furniture. He had longer in bed yesterday morning.
I spent the morning painting, DH came home with DCS, I made lunch for everyone and then he made a dig about how little I'd done in comparison to him yesterday. I pointed out that I'd made lunch for everyone too, he then argued that I'd had a "lie-in" and that was probably the reason I hadn't done as much.
I then told him I wa fed up of this constant tit-for-tat bickering and he laughed saying I couldn't take a bit of fun and a joke??
I don't find it particularly funny and we're constantly bickering like this about pointless crap and I feel so yuck afterwards and wonder how we'd gotten into it in the first place.
He remembers events, dates, things I've said etc and uses them to compare with things in the present. He does it constantly and defends himself by saying "everything needs to be fair" I'm finding it exhausting and do not enjoy his company.

How can I stop getting drawn in to this pettiness?

category12 Wed 26-Oct-16 14:08:13

I wouldn't be trying to not get drawn in, I would be looking at getting relationship counselling to improve communication between you. I think it's pretty snide if he's pretending it's "all in good fun and you shouldn't get upset", while making digs. Better to get help now than carry out and liking him less and less. I would have that conversation laying it out that you're starting not to enjoy his company and if he's not shocked by that and willing to get some improvements made, then it's an answer of sorts to the direction you are going.

Booglebrains Wed 26-Oct-16 14:08:23

Bumping up

category12 Wed 26-Oct-16 14:08:56

Carry ON not out smile

AndieNZ Wed 26-Oct-16 14:09:18

Sounds like my DH.

Took a bit of getting used to but most of the time it is a bit of leg pulling and his sense of humour. My DH is a bit of a wind up merchant. Nowadays I do not bite but will shoot him down with a biting comment which is lighthearted.

Difficult to comment in your case but when he says he is only having a bit of fun and to lighten up, is it said jokingly?

Booglebrains Wed 26-Oct-16 14:28:14

I didn't feel that way today. Hes preoccupied by this idea of everything being fair and will constantly point out things that don't match up with his idea of "fair".
He even has to eat the same amount of biscuits as me out of the packet in order for things to be fair, it's draining!
I think he probably decided to say he was joking because he saw the look of disappointment on my face after just speaking to him about this yesterday.

Happybunny19 Wed 26-Oct-16 14:39:33

Remind him that you're meant to be a partnership. Partnerships support one another, not constantly try to get one over on the other.

I'm not surprised your fed up, he sounds exhausting. He also comes across as insecure and in need of constant reassurance, if he needs to feel like he's winning constantly. Inferior men are so unattractive & you can tell him that from me.

If he's so effing good at the decorating leave him to it and go out with your dc. When you get back perhaps you can pick fault in his hard work and see how he takes it. You can always follow up with "it's only a joke" as the cherry on the cake.

QuiteLikely5 Wed 26-Oct-16 14:43:06

The same amount of biscuits! What an absolute manchild. I really could t deal with this. Good luck with him

Vagabond Wed 26-Oct-16 14:47:39

Renovations are stressful. Be the bigger person and laugh it off.

Unless your DH is the type of guy who loves a project or renovation, he's probably more stressed than you think. I know, precious snowflake and all that..... just saying. Men are weak compared to women. A fact that I don't know for sure, I just know it's true. ;)

Jackie0 Wed 26-Oct-16 15:10:58

Omg , I couldn't deal with that nonsense .
I'd be telling him to grow the fuck up to be honest.

Arfarfanarf Wed 26-Oct-16 15:38:53

What about refusing to engage?

Or telling him - Your obsession with 'fairness' is actually you being petty and mean spirited and determined that nobody shall have more than you. It is childish and unattractive and i am not playing. If it is so important to you that i never have anything that you dont have then fine. Have all the biscuits/lie ins/ whatever it happens to be. I really can't be bothered with such behaviour. I want a husband not a jealous five year old sibling counting who's got the most chips.

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