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Relationship causing emotional and physical exhaustion - PND?

(11 Posts)
nafflikethat Wed 26-Oct-16 11:18:54

Hello... I'm just hoping for some advice if anybody can help me see straight? I recently became the proud mummy to a beautiful baby girl (10 months) and I thought my partner and I were happy. We have had our ups and downs and nearly split a few years ago - we were drifting apart and the relationship had become very tricky - but we decided to give it another go and since then I have put everything into our relationship and having a child has been a wonderful experience. The only trouble is that it is being marred by the constant arguments we are now having, which feel rather like he is taking advantage of my vulnerability now that I need him that much more. I'm sure he would say otherwise as he says he is the victim and I don't respect him, but until his mother and I fell out he seemed ok. She demanded, in an emotional blackmailing way, to come and live with us and he said it was ok. At first I tried to go along with it but I soon realised it was a bad idea but I was told that it was a done deal. She stayed for about a month before the rows between DP and I got so bad that he told her it was putting a strain on our relationship and she left. Since then he has become incredibly resentful of me and it feels like we are inn some kind of never ending power struggle. The baby is going through some sort of sleep regression and that, combined with the constant rows, is getting me down so badly I just feel tearful all day, and this has all coincided with my return to work. DP has lost his job and is going to try out self employment so he is home with the baby most of the week, but I am so upset that the wrench is still so painful, and I fear I will lose my bond with the baby, who is always having to listen to our arguments. He says I do anything for him and I'm too dependent on him. I feel as though he is abandoning me just when I need him most. I am isolated from my family who live many miles away and I don't drive. He is a great person in many ways and I know that I am not the easiest person but I am so worried about getting PND and that he will wear me down and stop me from being the good mum that I want to be. We have been trying recently but it only takes a small thing for him to cast doubt on our entire relationship and on me as a person of worth.

Gymnopedies Wed 26-Oct-16 11:29:22

Shat was the reason for his mother moving in? His a doing his share of household chores? What are the arguments about?

hellsbellsmelons Wed 26-Oct-16 11:39:26

What do you argue about?
What does he say in these arguments?
Can you just walk away from any negativity from him?
If you feel the sliding into depression please do go to the GP and get the help you need.
It's hard leaving your LO after a long time at home with them.
Why are you so far away from your family?
Would learning to drive and be more independent help?
Could you look into driving lessons?

nafflikethat Wed 26-Oct-16 11:51:05

At first she was going to help with babysitting, but then she asked to move in too. Her reasons were financial I think. I wasn't privy to a lot of conversations... He's good round the house on the whole but hasn't always been. Rows can be about anything and everything but mainly about things he sees as doing me a favour and not wanting to. They escalate into him demanding apologies from me.

nafflikethat Wed 26-Oct-16 11:57:23

I've been trying to learn to drive on and off for several years but I'm not very good at it!

adora1 Wed 26-Oct-16 11:58:07

Time to part company OP, arguing in front of the child whilst you try and stave off depression is not a good dynamic; I'd seriously look at separation, until you can actually sort out the arguing.

hellsbellsmelons Wed 26-Oct-16 12:02:59

What 'favours' does he deem he's doing for you?
He's basically a house husband so he needs to do all the things a woman would do if at home.
I can't imagine what he would consider a 'favour'?

MistressDeeCee Wed 26-Oct-16 12:11:51

The stress will break you and you'll end up at your GP, crying buckets. & then you won't be good for yourself or your child. Your living situation is untenable, realistically how long do you think you will last before breaking under the strain? You DH knows you are unhappy and he doesn't care.

I don't like unkind people so I can't find it in me to tell you that you should try further with this man. Put yourself first, get your life in order as much as you can then take it from there decide what you want to do, but I can tell you that either way the decision will be made for you by you cracking under the strain if you don't let this unkind man know what time it is

Gymnopedies Wed 26-Oct-16 12:13:26

He sounds like he wanted to move his mum in so she could do the baby sitting, cleaning, cooking, etc... when you went back to work so he doesn't have to do it.
Is he good around the house or doung 50% of the work?

nafflikethat Wed 26-Oct-16 12:23:11

I just can't face the thought of being a lone mum. He loves the baby, just not me, it would seem. I know other people do it but it seems unthinkable...

nafflikethat Wed 26-Oct-16 12:30:35

things like lifts, cups of tea, meals..

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