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Can you stop loving somebody- emotional affair

(10 Posts)
eswort Wed 26-Oct-16 07:52:32

Hi.. my wife had, or is having an emotional affair with our ex neighbour. About a year ago I discovered a load of stuff on the family computer in the history where she was searching for loving someone you can't have, dealing with unrequited love etc.. over a number of months..she still sees him and his new girlfriend..she says she is just as good friends with her as with him but I feel really uncomfortable about it..my question is, do people really think that if you thought you loved someone do those feelings go away, does it change to just fondness? I suspect her feelings haven't changed.

TheNaze73 Wed 26-Oct-16 07:57:02

Why on earth are you still with her? She's taking the piss out of you & sticking two fingers up at your relationship. Go with your gut instinct OP. If it feels wrong, it is wrong. You can't argue a feeling

eswort Wed 26-Oct-16 08:02:09

It's complicated. .at the moment I just want an answer to the question or peoples opinion

FinallyHere Wed 26-Oct-16 08:09:39

OK, the answer is yes you can, but you have to want to. HTH.

0hCrepe Wed 26-Oct-16 08:12:12

Yes of course. People stop loving people all the time. Deciding to is more difficult and usually means cutting yourself off from the person and allowing time to pass, or meeting someone more desirable. Doesn't sound like your dw is doing that though so her feelings aren't likely to change. Unless he randomly does something that really puts her off. But how are you prepared to stay with someone who is wishing for someone else?

JustSpeakSense Wed 26-Oct-16 08:24:46

Yes you can stop loving someone. You can 'starve' your feelings for someone by cutting all contact with them and training yourself to stop thinking about them and keeping busy with other things, keep your life full. Eventually your feelings will fade and disappear.

Sunshineboo Wed 26-Oct-16 08:27:37

Yes. This happened to a friend and she is now very ashamed and somewhat confused as to her feelings. It was odd watching from the outside too - like watching someone self destruct.

mrsbeetonsbottom Wed 26-Oct-16 08:58:02

I think it's much harder to stop loving someone if you are still good friends with them. In my opinion, love (of the unrequited or unobtainable kind), only stops either through no contact (as justspeak says) or if they do enough things to make you stop loving them (i.e doing things that annoy / irritate / piss you off). If you are still spending time with someone being 'good' friends, then the feelings of love are unlikely to go away (in my experience).

AntiqueSinger Wed 26-Oct-16 09:02:40

Not if there isn't any incentive to O.P. And definitely not when the majority of the feelings for the object of affection are still based in fantasy.

Provide her with the incentive.

eswort Wed 26-Oct-16 12:23:05

Thanks for comments he has done nothing to piss her off..even his faults are endering.. when i asked her not to go round anymore on her own she has stuck with it ...I think..but has told him that it's not worth it as I would give her grief and she'd feel guilty..obviously no mention of the reasons why I don't want her to go because of her feelings towards him.. which makes me look an insecure twat.I think she is just hiding her feelings and he's just bidding his time..horrible sad

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