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Dating again with 3 children.

(15 Posts)
Hurtandconfused6537 Tue 25-Oct-16 17:19:08

Hi everyone

So after a very toxic relationship (ex cheated numerous times) and painful break up I finally felt ready to date again. I joined a dating site and finding it horrendous so far. As soon as I mention I've 3 children they seem to run for the hills! My youngest is 5 and oldest 9 I'm so proud of them they're great kids but feeling so lonely. I've not even really any friends to do stuff with.

Is it really that hard to find someone willing to date a single mum of 3? I don't want a full on relationship even, just dates and to feel confident again

Dieu Tue 25-Oct-16 17:28:39

Hello there! I can relate, as I too have 3 children, and separated from my husband nearly 4 years ago. I find myself ready to embark on a new relationship.

I have written in my online dating profile that my 3 fantastic children are all school-aged, and that I am not looking for a father figure for them, as they already have a great dad. I went on to say that I am looking for someone to spend time with, while they are at their dad's.

So I have been upfront and honest from the start about having children, but not in an overly mumsy way, if that makes sense. To my mind, having kids isn't something that can be worked into the conversation later on. It's kind of a non-negotiable!

With the dating site I'm on, I can also see who doesn't want a partner with kids, and avoid them accordingly.

Don't see it as too much of a barrier necessarily - the online dating scene is hard enough!

Wishing you the very best of luck smile

Hellothereitsme Tue 25-Oct-16 17:35:32

I ticked the box that I had young children but didn't mention it in the blurb about me. online dating is no different to real life. Not all blokes want to date someone with kids but a lot do. It just takes time. Think of the number of nights out you would have to go on to meet a decent bloke in your local - online dating is the same - it takes time to meet decent men. But they are there.

Mintychoc1 Tue 25-Oct-16 17:36:28

You should say that you have kids in your profile, then you won't waste time with people for whom this is a problem. I've got 2 kids and they have no father so I have them full time, and I never found that men were put off by it. But I mentioned them in my profile so the only men who replied would have been OK with me having kids.

Msqueen33 Tue 25-Oct-16 17:36:43

I'd say online dating is a bit like a text. It can be said one way and taken another. I probably wouldn't put on my profile that I had children as I think some guys have preconceived ideas of what they want and then if you get chatting/date maybe mention it then. I'm not suggesting outright lie but maybe by slight omission. Good luck with online dating and hope you meet someone special soon.

Hurtandconfused6537 Tue 25-Oct-16 18:58:10

I did put I had kids.. but soon as I have mentioned 3 well I've had 4 and all stopped talking 1 actually unmatched me and 1 said it was too much. It's really knocking my confidence haha which is already torn to bits by ex

It's reassuring that you all say there are guys out there who will overlook the fact I've children

Thanks all

Dieu Tue 25-Oct-16 19:05:32

There really are such guys out there!

Tempted to ask which site you're on! Some are known for hook-ups more so, or casual flings, and it might be these men who are put off by kids.

Seekingadvice123 Tue 25-Oct-16 19:11:26

I think you will have to accept that there are plenty of men who dont want top date someone with kids like there are others who are not fussed. If your confidence has taken a hammering and is still an issue I wonder of OLD is for you are this point in your life. It can be brutal as it is without having to deal with self esteem issues. Perhaps you need to build your confidence up again before tackling OLD.
For the record I was a single parent with two kids and had plenty of knock backs but I went with the flow. I am now married to someone for whom it wasn't an issue.
Good luck

MrsBGharai Tue 25-Oct-16 19:55:55

I have to say, my fuckwitted ex seems to intentionally seek out single Mums.
His first marriage ended with her infidelity (with his friend). He claims to have been devastated by the split, and says he's just too nice, would never cheat, etc.
He is also a very good looking man, well dressed, good job.
Due to his attractiveness he jumps from one relationship to the next. They end when he just ghosts them. Every fucking time.
He has various reasons - usually because they were 'mental'. This was a few weeks before their wedding BTW.
Women get sucked in like flies. When we met, all my friends were virtually licking him. I wasn't. He very obviously dismissed them. Clearly to demonstrate his loyalty and values. Then he pursued me for a long time, and I should have stood my ground.
We were together long enough to have a child and get married. He allegedly worshipped the family. My kids, his kids (that he rarely saw before I intervened), and our little one. He adored me, and never stopped telling me. Never.

Then one day he fucked off. Dropped our toddler at my Mum's, and never came back. I received a text.
There had been other women from day 1. Some he was paying for. I felt so totally bloody stupid.
I was always faithful. No clue at all really, except a few 'red flags' that he persuaded me were innocent, whilst crying. Gradually the truth came out.

Just be careful. I was broken by his deceit and the fact that the man I loved was a fraud.
He'll keep doing it. A lot of them do.

Any red flag deserves investigation. Please be careful of the man who prefers (vulnerable?) women with children.

roverman75 Tue 25-Oct-16 20:43:02

I feel for you ,if it's any consolation us lone fathers have the same issue , I have 4 teenagers at home full time , I've been online for two years now and rarely get any interest . Also think being in my late forties doesn't help as most mums my age have already had their kids leave home. I am at the point of giving up !

Hellothereitsme Tue 25-Oct-16 23:00:55

Don't give up. I'm very early 50s with two early teens. I've met a lovely 50 year old man with teenage child on line - POF. It can hAppen just takes lots of dates,

1DAD2KIDS Tue 25-Oct-16 23:23:11

It's difficult. I am a lone dad raising two young kids. I don't so much have a problem with the ladies running for the hills but I do find it hard to actually get time when me and a date are both kids free. I am early 30s and it seems most I am interested in are single parents too. Likewise not after anything serious as my kids take most of my time and energy. I could not proper comit any time to anyone else.

Kids are a tough sell, that is life. But ask is it better to have the right man or any man? If they are running for the hills their the wrong man. Keep at it, be patient and follow your gut instinct. It could take some time but you'll get there.

Maltropp Wed 26-Oct-16 23:25:59

Please don't give up hope. I thought I'd be single forever with 3 young kids but met someone.... who has their own late teens x2 and it works.. It's not always easy as my kids are still young and needy and dp and I live apart so Dp has to accept being squeezed out a little on my kid weekends and I have to accept that sometimes big kids need as much time and attention as my younger ones.. But we talk it through and get on. I think I worry about my 3 more than dp does, dp has 'been there done that' with own kids though and mine think I'm a nicer parent with dp around while I worry that dp being around encroaches on my time with kids but they adore dp . As I say it can be a juggle but we keep talking. Good luck.

Sweets101 Wed 26-Oct-16 23:31:53

I have 4, i've given up on ever dating again!
I can't help but feel suspicious of anyone who isn't put off.

ddrmum Wed 26-Oct-16 23:51:12

I'm also a mum of 3 & met a lovely man when mine were all under 8. He doesn't have kids and it was a long time before he met mine and he adores them. We've been together nearly 4yrs. I wasn't looking for anything longterm but here we are. Don't give up, there some lovely people just like you out there.

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