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Bank account lies

(100 Posts)
Lulu2515 Tue 25-Oct-16 16:44:10

My DP left his bank account open on laptop a couple of months ago.. I had a snoop.

There was a transaction for a substantial amount of money sent to someone with same initials and surname as girl he was previously texting.
I tried to talk to him about it at the time, he shut me down.
Brought it up properly yesterday, he came up with an almost plausible excuse... but not quite.

I've messaged the girl today. She wouldn't confirm that he'd sent her the money or tell me why. She also said "I don't know why you're desperate to confirm what you already know".

DP is telling me I'm a psycho and have ruined our relationship. He's going to pick up DC from nursery then we're going to talk when he's gone to bed.

I don't know what to do. I'm so desperate for answers. I'm also softening... but I was right originally wasn't I? He sent that money to her?

ferriswheel Tue 25-Oct-16 16:45:08

Id say you were right. Sorry.

ImperialBlether Tue 25-Oct-16 16:48:32

Yes, you were right. Think about it - how many people do you know with identical names? He sent her some money and you need to know what's going on.

How much was it? (Ball park figure, of course.) Could he have bought something from her? Has he come home with something new?

Lulu2515 Tue 25-Oct-16 17:13:09

Hundreds of pounds...

Kr1stina Tue 25-Oct-16 17:15:40

What was his excuse ?

madgingermunchkin Tue 25-Oct-16 17:15:49

Yes he gave her the money.

I hate to put the cat amongst the pigeons, but isnt an abortion a few hundred pounds?

Lulu2515 Tue 25-Oct-16 17:15:57

I doubt very much he's bought anything from her

VodkaValiumLattePlease Tue 25-Oct-16 17:16:13

Don't let him gaslight you, you know what you saw! Get rid of him!

Lulu2515 Tue 25-Oct-16 17:16:19

I considered abortion too :-(

ImperialBlether Tue 25-Oct-16 17:19:31

He's the one who's ruined the relationship.

You found him texting her earlier, OP? Do you know if he was meeting up with her?

I thought of an abortion, too, I'm afraid. It's either that or a holiday and if he's going nowhere...

ImperialBlether Tue 25-Oct-16 17:20:28

Do you have children together? Do you rent or own your home?

Lulu2515 Tue 25-Oct-16 17:22:55

Rent. One child

Trifleorbust Tue 25-Oct-16 17:24:34

What was his almost plausible excuse?

Lulu2515 Tue 25-Oct-16 17:25:47

That he'd lent money to a friend...with the same initials but not the same surname... hence only almost

HannahLily2014 Tue 25-Oct-16 17:26:27

Sorry op but my first thought was abortion too, don't let him turn this on you 'for snooping' you need to get a straight answer or you will never rest x

Trifleorbust Tue 25-Oct-16 17:29:51

So, actually, you have seen with your own eyes that the money was sent to someone other than the person he says? That's all you need to know, isn't it.

Lulu2515 Tue 25-Oct-16 17:30:07

I don't actually don't how to get an answer from someone that is just shutting down. I need an answer. I've lost my mind

Lulu2515 Tue 25-Oct-16 17:30:37

Well I suppose there's like a 2% chance that he's telling me the truth...

Trifleorbust Tue 25-Oct-16 17:33:45

When you say he is shutting down, what do you mean? What have you asked him that he refuses to answer?

Naicehamshop Tue 25-Oct-16 17:34:25

If he really has lent money to a friend, why is he not able to calmly talk to you about it instead of throwing a massive tantrum and saying that you have "ruined the relationship"?? Don't let him blame you for his appalling behaviour!angry

cockadoodledoooo Tue 25-Oct-16 17:35:41

Go back to the ow he was texting and tell her that he denies any relationship or any intention of a relationship with her etc. This may hurt her ego and spill the beans.

If you are in a long term relationship isn't it both your monies, so you both have the ow money???

If he keeps up with the lies, tell him you want to speak to this friend with the same initials and give him an ultimatum - he tells the truth or he needs to leave??

Naicehamshop Tue 25-Oct-16 17:37:19

Totally stand your ground on this op, and don't let yourself be pushed around. Find your anger!!

Dlah Tue 25-Oct-16 17:44:03

It's easy enough to type a different surname into the bank to try and make it look different!

Sounds like he's sent her money for whatever (apologies abortion crossed my mind too) and he's slightly changed the name to give himself an excuse.

She's confirmed she's had the money so he's a blatant liar

Montane50 Tue 25-Oct-16 17:45:07

Her reply was defensive, so going back to her will produce nothing of use-she obviously knew you existed and if it was an abortion it clearly didn't stop them sleeping together. Id be really tempted to call his bluff, say you've contacted ow and he may as well tell you in his own words what happened because she's basically told you.

madgingermunchkin Tue 25-Oct-16 17:45:53

To be perfectly honest, do you really need an answer.

You can't trust him, he's a liar. Your relationship is over, unless he is prepared to walk over hot coals, grovelling and do anything to prove he wants to make it up to you (including telling the whole truth).

Is he doing any of those things?

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