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(11 Posts)
puppies2016 Mon 24-Oct-16 18:53:13

My partner walked out on me and children (one from previous marriage) 2 years ago claiming he was depressed and there was no magic, I struggled for 2 years as I was very down alone although he had regular access to the children.
He began to ask if he could come back several months down the line saying he made a mistake ect worst thing he ever did....I always refused as I felt I could no longer trust him.
New years eve 2016 a woman emailed me at work to kindly tell me she had been having an affair with partner for 2 years, after hacking his emails to get my address as she suspected he was trying to come back also.
He continued to lie and say it was a fling after we had split and that she was crazy and poisonous and would never speak to her again. Since then he has continued to ask me to go back with him and wants to make a new start ect.I have always refused as I no longer trust him.
last week he dropped the bomb that he is now back with the OW and they are on holiday together this week.
He is now being cruel and saying he only ever pretended to want me because of the children and the best thing he did was to leave me.
I have really struggled over the past 2 years especially this year when I found out about OW and started to take anti depressants which I still take and feel like I am continually losing my mind.
My ex husband also had an affair so to say I feel awful about myself is an understatement.
my children are still young and both fathers don't have them overnight due to work commitments and other excuses they give, I often spend nights alone wondering how I go here? as I am limited to going out because I have the children full time.
I do not know where to go from here, I can see no light at the end of the tunnel and cant imagine feeling better as I have felt so low for so long.
I have a good job and I tell myself I did the right thing to walk away from ex partner as I do not want to spend my life with a cheat.
But I feel so low and isolated, even with a lovely network of support and friends.
I'm feeling desperate please advise

Msqueen33 Mon 24-Oct-16 18:58:23

They're both cunts. You know you're best of out of it. What current contact do they have with the kids? Any family around to facilitate a night out every so often?

I know at the moment it seems awful as you're alone and you're doing all the parenting but you deserve a million times better than both of them.

slenderisthenight Mon 24-Oct-16 19:00:45

flowers I'm not sure what to suggest but you are absolutely right not to waste time on people you can't trust. Things will get better and there are bound to some great suggestions coming up on this

puppies2016 Mon 24-Oct-16 19:05:17

Thank you so much for your reply. I agree they are! ex husband couple of hours on a Saturday, ex partner a couple of hours week nights if not working, and maybe ON once every 6 weeks,we have joint mortgage still his opinion is he can come and go as he pleases in house. He pays maintenance for DD I pay everything else, think I would struggle to buy him out though.
OW lives 10 mins down the road, so starting to feel scared to go out incase I bump into them.
Really feel lost and broken. I'm only 36 but feel like my life is over.
Parents will have the children if I ask, but I try not to ask often as they help me so much already with school runs as I work. Like I say I have lovely friends but struggling to cope

Humblebee1 Mon 24-Oct-16 19:20:23

Puppies2016, you sound like a really good woman and you are well rid of him. I know its so difficult but worth remembering OW is always going to be looking over her shoulder whereas you are free from him. As your children get older, things will get easier and you will look back and be proud of being a strong, independent woman. If your parents are willing to babysit don't feel bad. Don't be too hard on yourself, we all need help and plenty grandparents are never done running around helping families with both parents in the home. If they are supportive, that's a great thing for your kids too.

Msqueen33 Mon 24-Oct-16 19:23:23

Hold your head high. If anything she should be scared and also embarrassed she's landed a prize dickhead. I'm sure if you explained to your parents they'd step in so you can have some time out. Are both exs paying what they are required?

SpongeBobJudgeyPants Mon 24-Oct-16 19:27:54

Your life is not over, but it sounds very hard at the moment. You did the right thing not having him back. This took courage. Life will start to feel better in time. It's a cliche, but true. Something sort of similar happened to me. I think in some ways it feels more 'newly raw' as the thing with the OW is more recent (as in you now know about it) so you are dealing with new grief in a way, if that makes sense. Btw, I was over 50 when this happened to me. DF and I get married next year, so there is life-after-cockwombles smile

cariboo Mon 24-Oct-16 19:33:59

Reading this made me gasp, OP. The cruelty of this man is disgusting. Depression has nothing to do with his sadistic and selfish behaviour. You're well rid of him. Good luck to the OW - she's going to need it. As for you, dry your tears and look forward to a better future without this creep!

puppies2016 Mon 24-Oct-16 19:45:19

thank you so much everyone, you have made me cry with all your lovely comments. The OW certainly should be worried as he was asking me to sleep with him 3 weeks ago! which I kindly declined.
She certainly should be aware she cannot trust him or him her as she hacked his emails to find me.
It means so much that you haven taken time to reply to my post, life is very hard but I am a nice girl, a hard worker and a good mum and partner so I know I deserve better.
First husband doesn't pay maintenance have been trying to obtain it through CSA for 8 years now. I will keep trying to obtain it though.

JT863 Mon 24-Oct-16 19:50:04

Keep going on the maintainance. A friend of mine kept on for 15years and he now has to pay the back pay even though his daughter is an adult and not dependant.

MH1966 Wed 26-Oct-16 21:45:23

Stay strong and life will get better.

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