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EX partner wants son EVERY weekend

(36 Posts)
flowerbomb1982 Mon 24-Oct-16 15:51:30

Hi everybody just looking for advice. I split with my partner 4 months ago we have a little boy who is 3. I left his dad because he would shout at me call me names, kick off if a dinner wasn't up to standard and make me cook another one from scratch things like that. All little things that built up in between the good times. Despite all this he is a good dad and loves my son to bits and is very very good with him.

He has my son two nights during the week and this is only because I go to collect him in the mornings as ex partner has to start work at 6 am ! So I go there and sit for son to wake up then we go home. Weekends he has also been having him from Saturday until Sunday. Initially this worked as we were staying at my parents and they also done childcare whilst I worked so I Was happy for parents to get a break from toddler every weekend.

Now I have told ex partner that I would like our son every other weekend, as I work too during the week and feel I am not getting any weekend time I have Fridays off in the week luckily but its not a weekend. He has flatly refused any of my suggestions. I also suggested it would be better for our son to spend 3 consecutive nights with both of us. He refused. He said he is not going 3 days without seeing our son. Ex partner is very volatile shouts on the phone sends horrible texts that I have ruined his life etc so every time I have to contact him its very draining.

My question is what can I do about him wanting him every weekend, if I don't drop him off he will for sure kick off come to my house and shout. I am scared of him,. not physical violence but he is one of those people who shout so loud and in your face that you cannot even speak. What can he do if I refuse to take my son and keep him for the weekend ? Would any solicitor or judge let him have him EVERY weekend if it was to go down that route ?

I miss my son and want to see him more but I feel bullied at the same time.

Thank you for reading smile

AyeAmarok Mon 24-Oct-16 15:53:26

No, every weekend is not reasonable.

Go to mediation.

JenLindleyShitMom Mon 24-Oct-16 15:54:21

if I don't drop him off he will for sure kick off come to my house and shout.

Go out. Leave the house and don't be there for when he will come round. If he turns up when you are home don't answer the door and if he gets aggressive then call the police. Keep records of everything.

heavenlypink Mon 24-Oct-16 15:56:10

I'm guessing you have no formal arrangements flowerbomb

No personal experience but every other weekend and a night through the week is often the norm unless both parties agree to more. Can you get access formalised through solicitors/court.

FeliciaJollygoodfellow Mon 24-Oct-16 15:56:24

I agree with Aye. He might like every weekend, but I guess you might as well? It's not for him to unilaterally decide - and FWIW he was abusive to you so I don't think he can be a very very good dad. At the very least making the mother of your child walk on eggshells all the time is not good at all.

Go to mediation, stop facilitating his overnights if it doesn't work for you and DS.

flowerbomb1982 Mon 24-Oct-16 15:58:50

Hi - I asked for mediation when we first split up he flatly refused. I am more than willing.

No there are no formal arrangements. I don't qualify for Legal Aid and am on lowish income and all savings wiped out having to pay deposit for a new place and refurnish (he wouldn't let me have any furniture). I will be able to pay for a solicitor in January but I was hoping to tell him first my intentions, to have him every other weekend and if he refuses then advise him I will be going down the legal route.

flowerbomb1982 Mon 24-Oct-16 16:00:53

Also am keeping copies of messages where I have askead him nicely and reasonably to have son every other weekend and his replies flat out refusing then sending me messages such as I am a horrible person for leaving him, I love myself more than my son, im ruining his life by taking him away from his dad that sort of stuff. I have told him many times I only want to communicate about son arrangements times etc. If I do not reply to him he sends more messages, he has even called my work. None of the stuff he has to say is urgent.

0dfod Mon 24-Oct-16 16:08:15

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

0dfod Mon 24-Oct-16 16:09:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lemond1fficult Mon 24-Oct-16 16:11:14

Didn't want to read and run. This man is harassing you - he physically intimidates you by shouting at you, and you're afraid of what he might do if you don't do what he wants. Time to get the police involved.

I know you think he's a good dad at the moment, but just think of the example he's setting for your son on how to treat women.

One day you might want to get full custody - if you're logging his aggressive behaviour already, you'll have a better chance in the courts.

hellsbellsmelons Mon 24-Oct-16 16:11:31

Contact Womens Aid - they may be able to help you with local services who can help you here.
You need to start getting tough.
He gets every other weekend - end of conversation.
If he comes round shouting and calling you names, you phone 999.
He doesn't get to decide what is best for your son.
You are supposed to decide together.
As he is abusive do NOT even consider any kind of counselling or mediation.
See if Womens Aid can help you on this as you may need to sort our access via the courts.
Don't be bullied - stand your ground here.
You are allowed fun times and weekends as well as he is.

flowerbomb1982 Mon 24-Oct-16 16:12:50

Thanks for replies.

With the constant phone calls, texts, demands, threats - can I call the police even if its after the time of the event and say I feel like its harassment ? Obviously I reply to him to say yes please drop x of at 3 pm etc try not to get drawn into the other drama but he just wont stop. What would the police do go round and talk to him and ask him to stop ?

AddictedtoGreys Mon 24-Oct-16 16:23:29

Is he a good father to your son?

flowerbomb1982 Mon 24-Oct-16 16:25:56

Thank you. Have already been to Women's Aid spoken to an advisor and done a few weeks of the Freedom Programme.

Yes I am logging keeping a diary and started to save text messages. In the diary I have recorded incidences of him calling me a "cun*", "wan*er" saying that I am mentally unstable and he worries about my ability to look after my son coz I cry a lot (cried a lot because he made me cry). He also took my car keys out of my ignition because he wanted me to stand there and listen to him shout at me and have his say. I wasn't able to leave because he had the keys and refused to give them back. Every time I see or have contact with him its just drama and draining well 8/10 times anyway.

flowerbomb1982 Wed 02-Nov-16 16:37:15

Update I've filed a non molestation application Monday wasn't granted on the day have to go back tomorrow and he's been served notice. Only has to go if he wants to contest it and I think he will to have his say. I'm petrified I have no solicitor doing it myself. I have some proof texts voicemails but the main threatening stuff was face to face or on the phone. I have messages of me asking him to stop texting stop calling. When I block him he calls my work. Texts saying if I don't answer he will come to my work or house. I said to the judge he will just deny everything and he said the judge on the day will decide whose telling the truth.

AyeAmarok Wed 02-Nov-16 16:42:54

Best of luck tomorrow. Hopefully the judge sees right through him.

hellsbellsmelons Wed 02-Nov-16 16:53:56

Well done OP.
Best of luck indeed.
Can WA not offer you local solicitor to help you?
With the abuse you may be entitled to legal aid?
Good luck tomorrow.
Don't let him intimidate you!
Pants hoiked high, head held high, no eye contact, be brave!

Rainbowqueeen Wed 02-Nov-16 17:01:19

Thinking of you OP

If you have written evidence ( texts and emails) it's going to be hard for your ex to convince a judge that he behaves completely differently when speaking to you face yo face. You've done the right thing in making the application. Stay brave, good luck!

Penfold007 Wed 02-Nov-16 17:08:19

Well done flower and good luck for tomorrow.

Tomorrowillbeachicken Wed 02-Nov-16 17:11:46

Phone if he kicks off at your house. What he has done to you is abuse plain and simple.

Tomorrowillbeachicken Wed 02-Nov-16 17:13:05

good luck tomorrow

donajimena Wed 02-Nov-16 17:13:37

Best of luck to you! He sounds horrible.

sykadelic Wed 02-Nov-16 17:45:23

Best of luck you for tomorrow OP!

VivienneWestwoodsKnickers Wed 02-Nov-16 17:49:40

Well done OP, great steps to protect you both. Ex sounds like a delight.... Hope you get the order tomorrow.

Hissy Wed 02-Nov-16 17:50:56


He's not. He's a shit dad, and your ds will grow up JUST LIKE HIM if you facilitate the level of contact and/or cave every time this prick bullies you.

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