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unborn babys father stole from me.

(21 Posts)
user1477319624 Mon 24-Oct-16 15:44:00

i really need to say something to someone about this, but i am so sad, ashamed and devastated (and pregnant) that I cant speak to my family or friends right now. Please do not judge sad

I have been with my bf for less than a year, and am pregnant with my first child. I work, he doesn't, and is struggling to find work, he has recently stopped trying and has fallen into debt with people through smoking weed (i know, i know.)

I have tried to change my situation by getting a decent job, buying everything my baby needs, and applying for a house on my own, so when the baby comes, he wont be on the property. This has all happend while we have been together, & he tries to sort himself out. I can honestly say if i wasnt pregnant i would wash my hands of him, but I live in the hope that he will improve, and be a good dad to our son. (i know. sad )

So last night i looked at a bank statement that had come through , which detailed my transactions from last month. It shows a transaction where stupidly, i had given him my card while i was at his house and asked him to go to the mechine and get some money out for me to get a taxi the next day. He did this and I realized shortley afterwards, there was 20 quid missing that had been taken out. He ''found it'' and gave it back to me straight away while i was at work and said he had taken too much out by mistake... this was stupid and an excuse, i know, but I wanted to believe at the time he'd just typed in the wrong full amount.

Fast forward to this statement and i can clearly see he took 20 pounds out BEFORE he took the amount that i had needed. it wasnt a mistake, he intentially took that, and then took what i wanted.

I have since confronted him and he has admitted this and apologized and now we arent speaking.

Please someone tell me that i am not a complete idiot and that i can cope with being a single mum as i see this as the only way forward now because i will never trust him again. I have told him off and blocked his number, but the sadness nd disapointment and heartbreak is killing me. I feel like such a moron.

I dont know what i expect from posting here, just wanted a rant, and hopefully nobody will shoot me down & give me some strong, nice words to go forward with sad my baby is due in 3 months.

FeliciaJollygoodfellow Mon 24-Oct-16 15:52:06

Kick him to the kerb and believe in yourself flowers of course you can do it alone.

Your baby won't be smoking weed, refusing the pull their weight, refusing to try and get a job and stealing from you.

Myusernameismyusername Mon 24-Oct-16 15:53:45

You can totally do this alone! Many women do and it's a million times easier than supporting that useless man baby confused
I really do mean that.
Actually imagine your life without all this stress in it

One thing I will say is you have to start facing reality. Babies don't change people like him into new humans at the moment they are born so you need to stop expecting anything from him until he can show he's grown the hell up a bit.

redisthenewblack Mon 24-Oct-16 15:55:54

I can guarantee you will cope with being a single mum much easier than you will cope bein in a relationship with a drug addicted, thieving, lying scum bag for a partner.

Well done on blocking his number. However, for your child's sake, and to make sure he pays the relevant maintenance, make sure he is there to put his name on the birth certificate.

hellsbellsmelons Mon 24-Oct-16 16:15:56

Please someone tell me that i am not a complete idiot
Well you would be to keep flogging this dead horse.
You KNOW you deserve so much more than this.
You KNOW he's a pot head loser.
You KNOW he's gonna be a shite dad
You KNOW he's a cocklodging asshole

For goodness sake. Pick up your self esteem.
Get to your family and friends and tell them everything.
They will help you keep away from him.
Pride and embarrassment should not stop you.
In fact it will just help everything get worse and worse.
Swallow that pride and get some real life support!!!

Trifleorbust Mon 24-Oct-16 16:18:45

That is behaviour like that of a naughty teenager, not a father-to-be. Get rid.

Blomme Mon 24-Oct-16 16:24:49

Of course you can do it alone.
Please talk to your friends and family. There's also Gingerbread for advice / support-

YouAreMySweetestDownfall Mon 24-Oct-16 16:40:38

babies don't turn people like him into new humans the moment they are born

^^ that.

NoIsAnAnswer Mon 24-Oct-16 16:47:08

You already have a child by the sounds of it.

Luckily he's not yours. Bin him off and go it alone.

You sound like you have your head screwed on. You said you wouldn't be with him if you weren't pregnant- you have answered yourself there. Don't waste any more time with him.

Good luck to you and the baby

pallasathena Mon 24-Oct-16 18:33:13

Don't put him on the birth certificate - he'll have legal rights to the baby if you do.

DeputyPecksBentBeak Mon 24-Oct-16 18:46:31

Of course you're not a idiot. You have tried you very best and put up with a lot of shit but it's just not working and it's not going to. You will be much better off on your own. You can do this

DiegeticMuch Mon 24-Oct-16 19:22:54

next time, it will be £50. Then £100. Then...

He's a parasite. Get rid.

redisthenewblack Mon 24-Oct-16 19:54:54

palla I'm sorry to contradict you but the child deserves to know who it's father is, plus, without his name on the BC it makes it much harder to claim CM.

A very close family member of mine had a vacant space where her father's name should have been on her BC. Her mother died without giving her an answer. She's now in her mid 30s and still struggling to find out who her real dad is. It's caused her a LOT of unnecessary trauma.

NoIsAnAnswer Mon 24-Oct-16 20:05:02

I would def put his name on the bc.

He might be a shit now but he could mature and pull his socks up at some point

ITCouldBeWorse Mon 24-Oct-16 20:11:10

I can see no benefit to putting this disappointing thief and drug user on your baby's birth certificate. What maintence is he going to pay?

You can keep as much info about him in a file for your baby.

I would not tell him your new address either. Let him prove himself worth contact.

Haffdonga Mon 24-Oct-16 20:15:54

Before you do anything else change your PIN number immediately
He could well try and clear your account if he thinks he's about to be given the push.

FlabulousChic Mon 24-Oct-16 20:35:22

Far easier to be a single parent to a baby than be with someone you have to second guess all the time and mother. He will always be a cocklodger: building sites are crying out for labourers and they earn minimum £80 a day.

Atenco Tue 25-Oct-16 03:33:31

Oh for God's sake. Not putting him on the birth cert is not the same as not telling the child who their father is.

I didn't put my dd's father's name on her birth cert but I still encouraged them to know each other, I just didn't want such an abusive man to have the opportunity to be abusive in a far more serious way.

uhoh2016 Tue 25-Oct-16 03:50:32

Please tell your family and friends don't be embarrassed, imagine it was your sister or best friend in your situation how would you react? I'm sure you'd say bin him off like we are saying now and help in any way that you could.
Of course his name needs to go on the birth certificate he's still the child's father whether he's a loser or super dad. You're both his parents, your baby didn't choose this waster to be it's Dad YOU DID!

Creampastry Tue 25-Oct-16 08:00:55

Leave him. He's a shit. His actions now make him more likely to be a shit father than a loving father .... I know.

kaitlinktm Tue 25-Oct-16 11:06:26

Can you get a replacement card - he doesn't even need your PIN to shop on line, he could just have photographed the card or written down the numbers.

You and baby will be fine - it will be much easier with just the two of your rather than having to guard yourself against his behaviour.

Honestly - stealing from your pregnant gf - how low can you get?

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