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AIBU that I didn't wish my abusive ex happy birthday?

(13 Posts)
thewomanwiththepearolearring Mon 24-Oct-16 13:51:55


So I broke up with my abusive ex many months ago, we have a 6 year old DS together which he clearly doesn't care about.

It was his birthday yesterday and I didn't wish him a happy birthday from DS. I thought why should I? He doesn't support him in anyway shape or form, he has abandoned DS, he asks of him but doesn't wish to see him (he hasn't seen him for 9 months), instead he asks me to come over and have sex at his.

DS father's family have messaged me saying that I'm a bad parent because I didn't wish his father a happy birthday.

In essence I am moving on from a man who has sexually, physically and emotionally abused me for so many years. He does not care or love his son but uses him as a bargaining tool to get what he wants from me- in theory he treats his son like his an object. Why would I want to rekindle any sort of contact with him knowing he would use that opportunity to get to me.

Maybe I should of just sent him a message from DS. It's just DS dd family comments threw me off.

albertcampionscat Mon 24-Oct-16 13:53:25


ElspethFlashman Mon 24-Oct-16 13:53:36

The only response to his family's message should be silence.

Or if you must answer, "Lol".

They sound batshit.

adora1 Mon 24-Oct-16 13:54:45

I would be rejoicing in the fact that he doesn't want to see my son, why would you want your son around a person that is abusive.

I wouldn't have any contact with the arsehole OP and I'd be more than happy that he was staying away.

Chewingthecrud Mon 24-Oct-16 13:56:51

YA absolutely NBU
Marat away from him OP he sounds vile and you have done so well to get away from him

He has to earn his right to be a father and he isn't doing that.

GinAndSonic Mon 24-Oct-16 13:58:27

Yanbu. I know how you feel.

AttilaTheMeerkat Mon 24-Oct-16 14:04:13

There is no need to send your ex a message just because his family of origin have whinged to you.

I would ignore his family and your ex who just wants you for sex. Radio silence from you is necessary (also I would now block his family of origin from contacting you). The rotten apple that is your ex did not fall far from the rotten tree that is his own family of origin.

sophias7 Mon 24-Oct-16 14:05:39

That's so cheeky of them!!!!! Jesus Christ, what a cheek. YANBU AT ALL! Move on, change your phone number and delete them from your life completely. Who raises such a man???

thewomanwiththepearolearring Mon 24-Oct-16 14:06:09

Thanks all.

I thought I was being a cold bitch and frankly DS dad wouldn't give a rats arse if DS wished him happy birthday or not.

Why would I need to be considerate of someone who doesn't give a shit about us?

toptoe Mon 24-Oct-16 14:07:31

You did right. If he's abusive, don't facilitate any contact with your ds. Let it all come from him. I made the mistake of doing that with my dc and you end up with a very confused child because you make their parent seem normal but when they act very differently the child thinks it's their fault. I would also block his relatives numbers because if they are using it to give you shit, and not to arrange visiting your ds then there is no need to have nay contact with them at all.

toptoe Mon 24-Oct-16 14:09:19

I also found that the ex's family crave normality but blame the ex partner rather than their son. It's never the son's fault, it's always the ex or even the grandchild. That's quite often why the bloke is like the way they are in the first place - the family never showed them how to be responsible for their own actions and enable the abusive behaviour.

GinAndSonic Mon 24-Oct-16 14:09:54

You aren't being a cold bitch. Fuck him. Fuck his family. Fuck them all. You don't owe him niceties.

Cherrysoup Mon 24-Oct-16 14:43:54

I'd reply by sending them your post with some added details about the abuse. Family are clearly deluded.

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