Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Feeling Awful- need a kind word

(8 Posts)
PamelaFlitton31 Mon 24-Oct-16 13:22:49

I split up with my partner of 5 years about 3 months ago.

There was OW involved but other issues.
He was adamant he wanted to stay in contact with my 6 year old GC - they were very close.
We've had a couple of outings which have been fine, although I find it a bit sad & difficult seeing him.
Supposed to be meeting up at half term but he has not been in touch to arrange. I emailed him at work & got an automatic message saying he's away til Thursday.
I have quite serious problems with anxiety & this is making me feel terrible.
I don't know how to explain to the GC if it turns out he won't be seeing us anymore. I'm starting to feel it's my fault for saying we should stay in touch in the first place but GC really loves him.

Mantis1975 Mon 24-Oct-16 13:33:32

I think you need to be honest with GC. It's a difficult situation and you're not going to keep everyone happy but do the best you can.
I'm sure you'll find what works best for you.
Explain to him that as far as GC are involved he has to be committed and more important, reliable.

PamelaFlitton31 Mon 24-Oct-16 13:36:12

Thanks Mantis. I think I was a bit delusional to think ex could be depended upon. I think it all seemed like a good idea at the time but his interests are now elsewhere.

Gobbolinothewitchscat Mon 24-Oct-16 13:40:44

How old are your GC and do they have any other involved grandparents in the other side of the family?

Depending on that and age, I really would not be meeting up with him unless there were exceptional circumstances.

There is a fair chance that your ex could meet someone else who is not happy with the arrangements and/or has GC of her own with whom she would like to him to establish a relationship with to the detriment of yours. Not fair - but that's life. I wouldn't put your GC through a later "split"

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Mon 24-Oct-16 13:44:15

I agree with Gobbolino, that is a real possibility and would be doubly painful for your grandchild to have another rejection later on.

Just tell them. Find a way of doing it that you would have been satisfied with at their age - and make it definite.

Sorry though, you sound very sad and it's understandable. You're well shot of him if he was wandering. You deserve better. thanks

PamelaFlitton31 Mon 24-Oct-16 13:50:23

Thanks Gobolino & Lying - I think you are both right & I probably made a mistake right at the beginning in hoping that we could maintain a relationship.
To me it is inconceivable that someone would want to walk away from a loving relationship with a child but I know that people do it all the time.
I am very sad - not the direction I hoped my life was going in.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Mon 24-Oct-16 14:52:39

No, Pamela, I don't think you did make a mistake actually, you did what you thought was right at the time and you put your grandchild's interests first. However, in reality, it's not going to work out the way you had hoped and really, his reticence is a good thing because you know now that you were the glue for that relationship and it's very common. People break up and relationships that were are then changed because they have to be.

If you take it as something positive that you're not going to have your heart wrenched with the continued contact then perhaps you'll see it differently? With all respect to the cognisance of a young child, they love and do not love quite easily. With a simple explanation, your grandchild will ask twenty 'Why?' questions then shrug their shoulders and get on with their day.

Your life has taken a bit of a twist but, it's still going to keep on going and who is to say that it won't be even better from this point on? It's not going as you thought or had hoped but no amount of hope or good wishes will ever outweigh being in a bad relationship where you have to share. You have more emotional intelligence that that so you ended it - and now your life goes on, fresh and clean and unencumbered by a cheat.

PamelaFlitton31 Mon 24-Oct-16 23:16:06

What a great, inspiring message Lying , thank you very much flowers

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now