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Pregnant and DH left me alone for the night.

(7 Posts)
summerskittles91 Mon 24-Oct-16 10:43:34

So last week I was admitted into hospital for hypermesis and extreme dehydration. DH knew how serious it was.

Saturday (I was back home from hospital) - (as I live with inlaws) they all went to stay the night in another city at my sister in laws parents. DH was meant to stay back with me. He went out at 6:30pm and came back at 2:00am.

He couldn't understand why id be so upset that he left me alone. his only way to make up for it was to have sex with me the following afternoon and like an idiot i went along with it because i can't deal with another argument and now i just feel stupid for letting myself down. I don't really know why I'm posting here I just feel so down. I'm 17 weeks pregnant and I haven't been depressed before so I don't know if I am but i just constantly feel down, all i want to do is sleep and the extreme pregnancy sickness is really getting me down. it's affecting mine and DH's relationship as well with my inlaws who i live with. I don't really know what to do.

ANewStartOverseas Mon 24-Oct-16 10:50:36

Hypermeresis is crap and I dont think your dh has really understood the severity of it, nor have your IL.

And having sex to make up fur it? When you are going stany feeling nauseous when you're not actually sick? Who on Earth thought it was a good idea?

You need to start by a very clear talk with him to highlight the severity of your illness as well as how bad you are. It's not 'just' morning sickness and he has to realise that.
Maybe ask your MW too to have a word with him to make him realise how bad it is and how much of a dick it is. Take him to your appointments with the consultant and again make sure they will say how serious it is and how you need support/rest etc... not sex.

And yes, put yourself and the baby first and just say NO when it feels wrong to do xxx

By any chance, is ot also that your PIL are quite dismissive of it all, seeing it as a normal of stuff?

FuzzyBadger Mon 24-Oct-16 11:08:55

Your DH sounds gross.

Agree with getting someone to educate both him and the ILs. You shouldn't have that concern added to your stress.

Re the having sex to make it up to you the day after you get home from hospital - I'm at a loss with that one.

You need to be cared for - by yourself and those around you. That consists of love, lots of tea, support and affection. Not sex and stress.

JoJoSM2 Mon 24-Oct-16 11:10:38

Did you communicate clearly enough beforehand that it was very important to you that he'd stay at home? You o sound down and I hope it gets better soon.

hellsbellsmelons Mon 24-Oct-16 11:32:18

Could you have antenatal depression?
Get to your GP and get checked out.
Did you have sex because you thought you should because DH wanted it and it was easier to go along with it?
If this is the case, then that is awful and you need some serious advice on your relationship.
Are your parents around?
Why are you pregnant and living with in-laws?
You need love and support right now and I'm not sure you will get any of that at your in-laws?

ANewStartOverseas Mon 24-Oct-16 11:46:27

OP I don't think you have AND.
You are unwell enough to have ended up in hospital. You aren't feeling great which is normal in those conditions.
And on the top of it, your dh, who should be there to support you just isn't.
Please don't think that it is somehow your fault because you have AND or hypermeresis or whatever. You are feeling down in big part because you have been left down.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Mon 24-Oct-16 12:01:04

Have you talked to your GP or midwife since the hospital?
Does your DH really grasp how serious the hyperememsis can be? Or was he just nodding along before?
Only have sex when you are in the mood not at his suggestion as a way of 'making up' after he's upset you with no further debate.

What bad luck to have such an exhausting, isolating condition, have you looked at they have a support network of volunteers who have experienced what you are going through and an online forum.

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